I’ve been depressed almost all my life, and suicidal on and off ever since I was a child. These past few months have been nothing but hell, I’ve tried everything to fix things and be happy, but this time, I just can’t force myself to be. On Friday I plan on using charcoal to kill myself. I hope it works, the last thing I want is to wake up again. I’ve tried multiple other methods within these months, but every time I either can’t do it or I just wake up hours later. This time, I’m determined to finally make the pain stop. Nothing is […]
Tag:
Charcoal
Ok, I have just split from my girlfriend/fiancé of 8 years. This didn’t ‘quite’ come out of the blue, we had a recent argument that caused her to threaten to leave me. With lots of promises and pleading she gave me a chance. However the next week we had a very similar argument and she left me.
I have suffered from depression (treated medically) for the last 15 years of my life and suffered from anxiety issues from the age of 6 I am now 28. About 6 months before I met my girlfriend things got very bad for me resulting in a suicide attempt. I only […]
I feel like taking a boat from dover to calais and halfway jumping of late at night i know its a sure way to go and i wont be able to turn back or i can get some scuba diving equipment and swim out to sea then maybe take some drug that will put me right to sleep so i dont wake up. I once bought a charcoal grill and was gonna put that in a van but dont think that will work. I dont mind teaming up with someone or if someone can supply me with some drugs that will poison me.
I do like […]
I feel like the reason I like the suicide project is because I can write my true feelings. Â Usually I keep them bottled up. Â I know my dad has advanced diabetes and my mom just lost her mom and then her little sister and she feels helpless so I cant really tell them “hey I have serious depression, I lay in the fetal position and cry and wish for it to be over” Â That doesnt help them. Â So I try to keep going and then what happens my sister starts a fight with me over shit that has nothing to do with me. Â So I […]
When you’re all alone, and there’s nobody to hold you,
you cry, you weep, all by your lonesome.
When there is nobody to care, and you’re swalloed into despair, you give up. Ready to see what’s really up.
Scream and cry, swallow and die.
Sleeping pills that were supposed to take your life.
Wake up with an IV in your arm, people asking questions whether you’re into self harm
Drinking charcoal, in a hospital gown.
They shouldn’t have saved me. What the Hell do I do now?
They put you in a mental hospital when you’re released from the hospital.
Sleep in a bed with lumps, shower in a gray bathroom.
I was there for […]
So, being sick and tired of my life I decided to do something about it, or rather, try again. Not try to make it better but just to end it. After all, since there’s no meaningful purpose to my life I figured there wasn’t any point in prolonging the pain and suffering.
I had bought all I needed for “BBQ for one” (carbon monoxide poisoning) and went to the outhouse to prepare.
Here I fired up under the charcoal and had it be nice and glowing to emit maximum nice and deadly CO.
I had the coal in a chimney starter and was standing outside […]
I’ve battled with depression over several years; I’ve tried different meds to help out, but with varying success. They can keep me up to a certain level, but once life hits, there’s no staying afloat.
There’s been so much turmoil in my life; business going bust, marriage on the verge of breaking, custody and visitation battles, verbal fights with stepkids, friends leaving me, money running out, vehicles break beyond repair or being stolen, workplace f**ked up..
I’m at the point where I just don’t see what my purpose of being here is – people and situations just constantly push back or throw spanners in the […]
I have been reading here so I will explain why I want to go now. Â About a year and a half ago my wife had her job transferred to another city. Â As we own a condo and the market was very bad we could not sell. Â So we lived separate for a while. Â As my job was eliminated in May I thought it would now be a good time to go and be with my wife. Â However something changed. Â She hardly speaks to me and just last week said she wants a divorce. Â This was such a shock as I thought we were so […]
Hi again, Im Elico. I posted once here (I dont have anything is the title of it)…
I-im just tired you know? I just need to end it all, Im happier that way actually… Life sucks for me. Im beign selfish but for once I want to be selfish… Ive made decisions to make others happy but to make me… alone.
People will never get my pain, it might be superficial, manageable and shallow to some but for me it simply isnt… and I just do not care with other people anymore…
I need to simply end you know? And I do not want to resort to violent means with blood splatters and […]
It’s laying late in bed. There’s a thousand & one reasons to hate yourself. I’ve given up on myself 6 times. The most severe time that I do remember was on February 2, 2012.
I stayed home from school (my senior year). I don’t like going to school when I feel really depressed. I usually just told my mom that I was sick. MY mind played tricks on me & my nerves made me sick. There was a full bottle of NyQuil & full bottle of Extra Strength Tylenol. I took both. I chugged & swallowed. Things shouldn’t have gotten this bad. I called my friend […]
Hey everyone,
I’ve decided on using carbon monoxide for my exit and was wondering if anyone on here knew the effectiveness of propane grills compared to charcoal grills. I have a propane grill already and wouldn’t really want to purchase a charcoal grill if I don’t have to. Any info on carbon monoxide will be helpful.
Thanks
Hey Everybody!
So…here I am again. Don’t really have anyone to talk to. Usually I don’t want anyone to talk to, but that makes it hard for those times when I need to talk to someone. I stopped seeing my therapist about six months ago; I lost my job and I just couldn’t afford it anymore. I see my psychiatrist about every month-and-a-half. He doesn’t say much. I take whatever he prescribes, and I think it helps a little. I don’t like him. I’m going to have to borrow money to pay for my next refill. I’ve got insurance but there’s a copay.
I need to make […]
Lost inside idk where to go
trapped with anger, lost of all hope
no finger pointing, only I who is to blame
Im shackled and caged filled FULL of rage
If I wrap this sheet around my neck
I can put water to the blaze
Satan got ahold of me, BOY is he vicious
gave up on myself, dont even care about christmas
miracles dont happen, so I accept my fate
trapped in my own mind there is no escape
razors and knives pierce thru my heart
misery filled conscience, stand alone in the dark
nowhere to run, nowhere to hide
failure hurts, I just want to die
written in summer of 2011, but just bought my charcoal grill […]
I died. I actually died this time. I was dead at 11:11 pm. My heart stopped beating. And the bastards revived me. A stomach pump, activated charcoal treatment, and psychotherapy assessment later, I’m laying here in a hospital bed. Again. They let me keep my iPod, since it qualifies as therapeutic for me. I just…can’t believe it didn’t work. Im a failure at life and a failure at dying. God. Damn. It. All. Why am I still alive?
i can’t seem to put into words exactly how i feel. I’m 26 and alone. Grade A (or F) loser. No car, job, friends. I have no drivers license. I’ve never had one. Had a girlfriend once. Only person I opened up to, but still withheld a lot. Wasn’t very ambitious in life. Don’t blame her for leaving me. Spent most of my life in a haze it seems. Ready to die may do it this weekend. Tried killing myself seven months ago by charcoal burning. Room got to hot and I blacked out woke up outside of hotel room. Felt stupid and even worse […]
i have had three attempts.
!. od on vicodin, got sick, pain for over a week following, think i did permanent liver damage
2. od on ativan/ambien, friend called 911, transport to hospital, don’t remember much, forced to drink charcoal, hospitalized in mental ward
3. strangulation, friend found me, cut tube off my neck, damaged throat & had difficulty swallowing
if i try again i am going to drink a lot of alcohol, take a bottle of of ativan & hang myself from a bridge near my house. i have the rope and i have been practicing tying noose knots. i’m pretty good at it now.
Hello out there in suicidal land. I have no hope for the future.
I’m tired of the pain of loneliness. For now, I’m chicken shit. I can’t do it, and I’m sure deep down inside I don’t want to do it. Yet, I keep fantasizing about hanging myself or charcoal combined with car exhaust seems to be the way to go. I need to end this pain. I’m 37. Maybe its time to go. Tell me what is the meaning of life again? See since I wrote that I know I don’t want to go. Suicide is attractive because the pain can end.
This is a vent or rant. I believed life would be fair. I watched tv and it rotted my brain.
I thought one day I would meet a special guy. I met one that I thought was special 9 years ago. He really made me forget about the guy I had a crush on for few years. This man was my first boyfriend at 28 years old. You can believe I thought I would have met a guy that actually was attracted to me before then, but that did not happen. Now I question what if any feelings the guy I met back then had for […]
In 1998, I decided I no longer wished to live…all because of some man who I loved who did not love me back. I think a part of me wanted to live and just wanted to cry out for help. The reason I say this is because I was on the phone talking with a crisis councelor telling him I was about to kill myself. He asked me where I live and I refused to tell him. I didn’t know he could trace the whereabouts of my call but, I am glad he did. I took this bottle of Klonopin…1 mg a tablet and swallowed […]