I learned today that NFL cheerleaders only earn about $70-90 per game, “elite” ones earn more. They only make $1000 to $2,500 per season, more if they make public appearances. That really surprised me. I guess it’s like being a cop or a firefighter or a teacher. You do it because you like it, not because you want to get rich.
Tag:
Choices
We are all created to make our own decisions whether to allow or not ourselves to experience loneliness, anger and despair.
I have always easily pondered on my pain (physical and emotional). I am human so I will always regress but I also know the truth- that I am important, you are important. Even though I do not know any of you who visit these boards, I love you and want you to know that your life, your existence is very important. I have struggled with losing family, people I knew in nursing homes and through documentaries of those in Hospice. You may not know or […]
It gets better. Suck it up. That’s not something to end your life over. Live goes on.
Fuck you. That’s my summed up answer to that.
I don’t want your correcting, I don’t want your tone policing, or any “it gets better” shit. What I want is for people to understand and respect my choices and emotions and feelings. Stop telling the victim to change, and start actually listening.
Every interaction with any to-be friends becomes a disaster when this comes up. I trigger from it. And they don’t even respect the trigger and go “Sorry, I won’t say that again”. They just call or think me irrational. […]
Omg, like I’m mad paranoid. I’m paranoid to even be writing this right now. I feel like everyone is against me. Like my life is the Truman Show. I struggle and misery is my best friend, it’s like after awhile you enjoy the pain. A sort of frenzy begins to happen. I’m just really in a dark place. I feel like music is talking to me and sending me subliminals from my boyfriend. This happened before with someone else I cared for. It’s like I’m getting all these subliminals and signs from everything. I’m always freaking out and no one knows. No one […]
Reasons to commit suicide
I don’t love myself or self hatred
I have low self esteem
I lost all my friends
irreversibly damaged reputation and social standing with family
future is bleak
No ambition or motivation to set goals
So much regret for pass choices and decisions
inability to forgive myself and move on
credit score is in the trash
hard to get and keep a job and contribute financially to household
burden on family members
I hate living day to day repeating the same shit (eat,shit,sleep,wake-up,repeat)
I hate being weak
I am fearful of what my future will most likely become (homeless,broke,ostracized,lonely etc)
Pain of remembering the past and unable to return
I hate knowing I am a failure in life
To get […]
A lot of people say that Suicide is cowardly. I disagree. The one thing that is a constant source of apprehension and fear in humanity, is death. No one knows what happens when you die. Is there an after life? A heaven or a hell? Are we reborn? Or do we simply disappear?
Many of us are preoccupied with our own death and the preparations there of. We write Wills years in advance, we buy life insurance, we go to church and pray in hopes that through redemption we will obtain a better place in the afterlife that may or may not exist. We as […]
Suicide to me 4 months ago seemed like only something I would hear in long hours of health class or something that would never affect me. Living in a small town of about 7,000 people you would only hear things along the line of sporting events or town meetings. Never anything about death. Until March 13th, 2012, I was sitting in the recliner debating whether or not i should go to church that night. I decided not to because I wanted to relax for the night. My step dad and I were watching TV when all of sudden we look outside to see 2 cars […]
I ruinedmy life with bad choices, poor academic decisions, bad financial decisions, and dishonesty. When I met my husband and gave birth to our beautiful sweet babies I was so sad. Sad because all at once I knew I would never be worthy of this gift I was given because of my past mistakes.
I have devoted 10 years of counseling to my bullshit, with multiple explanations that the attention seeking and erratic behavior from age 18-23 was linked to feeling worthless at home, feeling powerless, bla bla. I don’t blame anyone but myself. The best way I can explain it is that I was crazy […]
IÂ need something real do you know how I feel? This life is like living in shades of gray. You hold on so tight and then close your eyes but all you can feel is the life of a knife. I want some hope and I try to cope with my pain. I try to help others but not helping myself is driving me insane. My best friends left because of their selfish ways they cant understand the choices ive made. They say its my problem life is to good to be sad but thats because they dont have a sickness driving them mad. I need […]
I found this site about a year ago on my sister’s laptop. She was 15 then, and it was exactly three weeks before her 16th birthday. She’d declined my parents the joy of setting up a “sweet 16” party for her, because she didn’t want to give them the joy of setting it up. Then on her 16th birthday, she killed herself. I never got to ask her about the site, or why she always did everything she could to make our parents angry, now it doesn’t even matter. I don’t know if she had an account, I only know the site appeared on her […]
It helps to talk on here about my bad experience at college. Not only was the bullying embarrassing, but what hurt even more is how my father bullied me and his unrealistic, amoral, and unethical definitions of success. I hated that year of my life and I hated being psychologically bullied.
I feel like at college, I was a completely different person than I was at the amusement park. At the amusement park, I moved out of my parents’ house and said “This is my thing that I have looked forward to all my life. I want to be here and I am going to make […]
I would say I had a terrible childhood. But it wouldn’t be true. I wasn’t popular, but never severely bullied either. I was your normal nerd, with good grades (but not too good), few friends and a passion for books. And that’s everything I remember from then.
When I was about 15, I started to understand the world. I felt frustrated by not having answer to some questions, and started looking deeper into myself and into the world. I rationalized everything, and got a working schema of reality. I thought that was all, and was anxious to get that knowledge to the rest of the people. […]
i am so alone,
i am so lonely,
no matter which way i put it its still the same, and it doesn’t make it go away
i need love,
i crave love,
and yet i find my self alone, i find myself unloved.
i dont know what to do or say to achieve anything. so i am alone.
right now i have a stringent obsession for a girl that i will never be able to have,
due to one simple fact. she doesnt like men LOL
oh the calamity, that it so awful. i know right?
its whatever i guess, if the only thing i can be is a friend thats what ill be.
but it […]
Death looks pretty attractive right now. The other night I went up into my attic looking for some guns my parents have been hiding. I fell through the attic and busted up my leg pretty good. Needless to say I feel even worse now. The last two days at work I haven’t been able to stop myself from crying. My supervisor gave me an extremely simple straight-forward assignment and I can’t do it. I can’t focus or concentrate on it. I’m stupid and worthless and lazy. I don’t deserve a good career. I don’t even deserve a bad career. I deserve no career. I fuck […]
I’m bad at being a person, I’m bad at being alive. I’m bad at being worth it, heck, I can’t even survive.
I’m good at being a fuck up, i’m good at being sad, i’m good at having no luck, i’m good at being bad.
there are voices, and they yell, all the choices, and stroies they tell. there are demons, In my soul, and they eat me, they eat me whole. there are tears, streaming down, filling an ocean, i hope I drown. There is blood, spilling out, I really pray that, I’m not found.
I’m bad at giving love, I’m bad at giving hope, i’m bad […]
I’ve never been one for expressing my feelings. But in the past two years i have seen two of my closest friends pass one from an o.d and the other from a gang beating. No one was arrested for the beating and were all free. I haven’t been able to let a day go by without wishing i was them. I have thoughts of my finally moments in my head everyday now. I am bullied at schhool teased and not aloud to make my own choices. My life is run by other people and when ever i try to talk about my problems all my […]
I have decided to end it all. Almost a year and a half ago my youngest son cut me out of his life because his girlfriend didnt like the choices I made about my business. They wont talk to me nor will they allow me to see my grandchildren. They have always been close to me til now. They have lived next door to us for over 5 years until this conflict. My grandson is only 7 so untill the estrangement he always was next door. I now have a grand daughter that I dont even know or would even recongnize if I did see […]
I’m surprised that people responded to my post about wanting to die probably because I’m used to being ignored when I need help the most. That’s right – ignored. It’s called growing up with a depressed, emotionally distant mother who was too preoccupied with her own problems to give her baby girl the nurturing and love she needed. Sneer if you want. Whatever. I don’t give a fuck. I’ve spent years in therapy, group therapy, on medications, making crazy, fucked up choices that intellectually I could not defend or understand yet I acted on anyway. I finally, finally put it all together: not enough of […]
While one day falls into another, I only hope that this is a dream.
I’m too old for these feelings. I’m in university, doing an incredibly difficult course which I spent my whole schooling trying to get into. I chose this. I am crippled by social anxiety, so I chose to live alone. I am simultaneously envious of people who can be themselves, surrounded by friends. I chose to be like this, every decision pushing me further inside my head. I am painfully crammed inside my own skull.
Surely I’ll wake up, a happy, normal, real version of myself. Surely I’ll be able to think beyond myself.
I […]
I used to be suicidal too. But since 2 months ago, I have undergone a transition in my life. I am alive now. And I am really glad to share my experience to all of you who are in darkness right now.
This post is written with the sole hope to help you all, even just a bit.
Let me tell you what I did to live.
I write diary entries. Stupid, foolish entries. I wrote things which make me happy everyday. And some really useless stuffs also. “Today I drank coffee.” “Today I laughed.” “Today I am healthy.” “Today I played my favourite game.” ..etc. Trust me… […]
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