first i want born. Then i started to grow. My parents spilt up before i was born. But my mother got remarried so i had always thought this man was my father until i was about 8 yrs old. Then i finally got to meet my real father. Little did i know my mother had gotten into some pretty hardcore drugs with the man i used to call my father. Finally they got dovorced that’s her 2nd divorce btw and she went completely crazy and shaved her head. me and my 2 sisters stayed with my grandmother while my mother went crazy i can still […]
Tag:
Christmas
My Papa (Grandfather) has gone to sleep in his room.
My Daddy has the flu, he is laying down in bed.
My mother is working on coupons on the computer across the room.
My second youngest brother is on the couch near me reading a book he got for christmas.
My littlest brother is making mashed potatoes for dinner.
My dog is chewing on a rawhide.
My cat is with my dad.
And I am screaming. Silently shrieking.
My loving family goes on like this. How they cannot see the blade so blatently slashing at my gut I cannot imagine. That they don’t see my insides being […]
I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so lost and it’s such a long story I don’t know where to begin. There’s this boy and I’ve known him for a little over a year now. We became very fast friends and I told him everything. The first day we ever really talked I told him everything. I was sexually abused as a child, I was raped multiple times by a man I called my grandfather. He told me his life story, his troubled past with his parents, his horrible past relationship. We talked every day, all day. I moved to his city and got […]
Anyone seen Wreck-It-Ralph?
Well, the title’s inspired by it.
Finals are next week. I’m barely keeping up in one class. That class has the E. The rest of them are B’s or higher. Science has never interested me much, and the only time it did was in Biology. That was the only class I liked. And then Accelarated Chemistry this year just tore my mind to shreds.
Just trying to understand the very basics of Chemistry will send me into a suicidal-crying-fit. Now it’s finals, and I still don’t understand 90% of it. I tried to get out of it before, but I couldn’t. So I just tried […]
I’m fairly new to these kind of sites so i’m sorry if this post isn’t perfect, but I could do with some help..
Since about June 2012, I’ve been battling with depression, and not the stereotypical depression, real depression. The kind where you feel shitty for no reason sometimes, like there’s no escape, feeling so lonely when you’re in a world with 6billion people…
What caused it? Truthfully, a lot of things just fell down around me: exam stress, nasty rumours going around, the only girl I’ve loved doing unimaginably awful things and saying such nasty stuff to me (many will point at this, but it wasn’t the sole […]
disclaimer: Â I’m not saying ‘do this and you’ll feel better’, if I know anything, it’s that the road away from suicide is undoubtedly the toughest I have travelled, and I just wanted to share what that felt like, and after it happened it was followed by a new outlook on what my possibilities are. Â But nevertheless even while I no longer want to slit every artery I can find, it’s still near impossible to beat the depression, every day.
I just lost it today. Â I had been doing so well.
I fell back into my depression probably August and the suicidal thoughts began in October. Â I came […]
Recently I have been eating just like everyone else but making myself vomit after I have been doing this for the past week. I am developing bulimia… I can’t eat  now with out wanting or needing too throw up. I noticed tonight at dinner that I was starting off lightly on the food and towards the end I was stuffing my face and then going to the bathroom right after. This afternoon before lunch I stuffed my face with food and then throwing up shortly after. I haven’t been cutting but instead throwing up. I do not like how every time I eat all I […]
Yesterday I went to a family Christmas party on my mom’s side of the family.
Two years ago this party was something my entire family attended, all 5 of my sisters and I would go together, with our parents. We were all there every single year, together.
However since that time, everything has changed. My 19 year old sister was kicked out of my family when she was 17 causing my parents to accuse anyone trying to help my sister of taking sides. Because of my parents choices, I wasn’t allowed to see my sister, grandma, aunt, or cousins, except for once or twice a year. […]
Here’s my story.
I lived in England for two and a half years. I had amazing experiences there, gained friends, found a good church and met my ex bf (whom I loved and still love). I was catholic before but became born again Christian which is a significant thing that happened to me while I was in England.
My ex and I were very close and very sweet. People always looked at us whenever we go out or even at church probably because we look good together or probably because of our overflowing affection to each other. We’ve been together for almost 9 months. We had issues […]
Hey, I’m a new user. Barely joined a few hours ago.
Hope all of you had a great Christmas with your family and friends.
Hope the new year brings you some joy, keep being strong.
Flying out,
thebat
Hey
This is my first time doing something like this. Not sure why I’m doing it, but yeah.
I’m 20 and live in England. Ever since I was young I’ve been different. I’ve always had a different outlook on life, and people, and so on. I try to be a nice guy, just like everybody else, but people never seem to do the same. I’m quite an anti-social person, so there’s that, but I always have time for people if they need me and never close the door on anyone – until they walk all over or something equally depressing.
Like most people on here (I imagine), I’ve […]
Sometimes I wish I could go back to 2010/: yeah, there was drama.. but not as bad as now. I miss old friends, and family. I miss all living together in one house and not worrying about who I’ll be spending Christmas. When friends were forever, or even just a day. and there was really not alot that could depress me… my life now… -complete opposite-
I love you my dearest sunflower! thank you for coming over today and filming my dailey majestic life!
I am just glad that i finally got to see you and give you your christmas gifts!! hope your day was as good as mine 🙂
You know that feeling when you are losing yourself again, when everything you’ve worked so hard to build up is falling apart? You know you’re slipping but there’s nothing you can do except pray for strength.
I’m 17 and I’ve felt this way far too many times.
I feel lost, like my life has lost all its meaning.
This year, right after summer vacation I was called into the counselors office at school. Last year I had an eating disorder but refused all the help my teachers and counselors tried to give me. She was just checking on me and I excitedly told her how […]
Well, the long awaited Christmas break started Friday and I dont feel any better. My hopes were that with 1o days off from school that i could pull myself together and maybe actually be happy again. I was wrong, of course. Dont get me wrong, Christmas Eve and Christmas were pretty great- probably the only happy days ill have for awhile. Ive basically been hounded by my family about school and grades (the cause of my depression relapse and suicidal thoughts) the entire break. My mom is putting pressure on me to do well so i can get into med school like i want and […]
here i sit without clean clothes, drinking coffee and without a soul in the world to care for me. I hate life and I have nothing to do with it anymore, but im unable to end it right away. here shortly in a week or so I’ll attempt to fix my mistakes however it’s going to be very hard to carry on as i will feel like i failed at following through with suicide itself. beating suicide isn’t an achievement once you’ve sworn up and down to yourself you will do it regardless of what happens for the better. my ultimate hope is that i […]
I’m stuck here at my dads fiances house for the day to have a Christmas party. It’s just kinda awkward and I have been coming down from smoking earlier this morning. I just want/ need something to do, someone to talk to so I don’t have to sit here awkwardly all day. Really just want to go smoke and come back and eat them go the hell home to watch tv and sleep.
I would say I made my choice, but I don’t think it was ever really a choice for me. I would choose my career every time. I choose success – and simultaneously unparalleled loneliness – every time.
God, I’m fucking lonely.
I’ve been working really hard to get away from daily suicidal thoughts for nearly a year now. My therapist has been pleased, I’m a lot happier, I have no side effects from my medication and I’ve finally finished my postgrad degree. Then at a party on Sunday, a “friend” started talking to me about my future. I told her she already knew what I was aiming for: a job in my field within a year or something similar. If I can’t see a future for myself, then I will kill myself. So she starts on me “Do you think you are selfish in wanting to […]
I can’t get this feeling to go away. I feel bitter, I feel lost, I feel helpless.. I want to drink myself into a coma. I try so hard to make everyone happy even though everything is literally falling apart all around me. My best friend’s sister died 3 months ago in a drunk driving accident, she was 19.  even though we weren’t that close, she was still like an older sister to me. and I have never seen someone so young and so beautiful be so still and so lifeless. she didn’t even look like herself at all.. it haunts me everyday, all I can […]