Sometimes I just do things and don’t realize how fucked up those things are until it’s too late. It’s like something just takes over my mind or body. I have sex with boys that I don’t really like then I get mad at them for calling. I am not a good person. Or I don’t know how to be one. I don’t really know. I always say that I’m not just one of those bitchy girls who plays mind games and fucks around. But I am, that’s exactly what I do. In fact, I’m probably a lot worse than all those girls because the entire […]
Tag:
Consequences
Here’s a little about me. I’m a girl. I’m 17.
I’m bipolar.
It’s hard living with it. I don’t take medication for personal reasons.
One thing I hate is when people say suicide is selfish. In a sense it is, but people say those words out of ignorance. Nobody knows what that person was feeling, how hard their life was, or their reasons.
Bipolar disorder causes me to do some really crazy (and generally dangerous) things. It’s an odd thing, because I do these things in a snap decision, and then afterward think “that was stupid of me” – though I don’t think through the consequences at the time.
I’ve […]
My world is sinking in
Ankle-deep
And skin, too thin.
Trapped in solitude,
Surrounded by multitudes,
Misunderstood
Left unprotected,
Left too corrected.
Caught in a dream world,
Not here, not there.
Nowhere.
Bullet in my head,
Swinging from a tree,
Buried six feet under,
Why won’t she die?
Â
Ripped and broken,
Torn a sunder,
With a heart like hers,
It’s a wonder.
Let her wander,
In the desert,
Through the mud,
There is no water,
Only sun..
Breaking chains,
Breaking free,
Still feel bound,
To every day.
Breaking hearts,
Broken mind,
Breaking promises,
Need to unwind.
Breaking faces with fists of iron,
And suffering the consequences
From whence they burn.
Time to sleep,
Time to die,
It’s better than this,
Unable to cry.
Foundering in my thoughts,
Left to think,
It’s a crime,
To plot to murder yourself
For less than the dime
You found in your wallet,
Hidden in […]
“Think of the people you’ll leave behind.” They’re the reason I’m committing suicide.
by SuicideBoy
written by SuicideBoy
One of the  big reasons people don’t kill themselves is that they don’t want to hurt their friends & family. But when I think of them it just makes me want to pull the trigger even harder. All those two-faced liars and hypocrites need to see me dead with my brain in a million pieces; they need to wake up and see the real world… a place where cruelty has consequences, where lies can kill, and where some of us should be taken seriously when we say we need help. To all my friends and family who failed me, I do this for you.
My mind pulls daily in a this or that row. Should I do this or Should I do that. Back and forth between decisions. Which is better? Which is worse? This or that? What is heavier? This or that? Which is riskier? This or that.
Fighting what I can control and unsure what I cannot. Was it this or that? Go here or there? They say having a choice is a grand thing. A blessing. It’s also a great responsibility you must not take for granted. So should I do this? Or should I do that? This one? Or that one? Farther? or Nearer? My […]
I’m tired. That’s all, just tired – of everything. I’ve carried a diagnosis of depression for a long time, but I’ve always managed to keep going in spite of it. Not anymore. I’m just too tired. I don’t think many people understand what it means to be tired like this - it isn’t the ‘I need to take a nap or get a good night’s sleep’ kind of tired – no, this is a bone-deep, soul-weary, insidious form of torment, an uncertain affliction of indeterminate etiology and obfuscate symptomatology; a weariness that persists and will not abate.
I want it over. I don’t want ‘help’, I’ve […]
iv had a lot of thing happen to me in my life but the one thing that iv learned is that the people and things that are closest to you are the things that can hurt you
the most.
just recently i left my dad (im 16 by the way), my parents are divorced and every since iv felt like an empty shell, not because they are divorced but because they
are such different people.
all i want is to be normal, to get good exam results and go to a good college and get a good job, but i cant, i cant because i […]
A few years ago, my business partner stole millions of dollars from me which forced the closing of the business that I spent my life building. Â Shortly thereafter, I turned to gambling out of desperation, and what little I had left after he stole the money has been consumed by it. Â It has destroyed my life, my family’s lives, and my career. Â I have stopped gambling, but the consequences have finally pushed me past my ability to cope with them. Â While I don’t necessarily want to die, I simply can’t deal with being asked literally 20 times or more per day for money that I […]
all my life i have contemplated suicide, and imagined how much better off i’d be.. i really feel as if it cant be normal to wish you weren’t alive every single day of your life. with only a few half-ass attempts, i really need to ‘grow the balls’ now. believe me, i have tried all the outs. this earth just isn’t the place for me. it never has been. i am now facing serious prison time. and with a few county stays under my belt, i know that it is not the place for me. being mental and suicidal i just can’t handle it. i […]
I just wrote an angry hate letter to basically the whole ‘class of 2012’ at my school that I will never send. It was supposed to make me feel better, but came out more like a suicide note so I don’t know what that indicates… I am quite pleased with the closing line, though:
“Just know that actions have consequences and you have managed to massively dent one person’s faith in humanity and that is unimaginably dangerous and now too late.”
Writing that letter did make me wonder who at that hell of a school would care if I went through with it, if this subconscious […]
I have been suffering from depression for most of my life. I am also anorexic and bulimic. I’ve been dealing with the consequences of my illnesses, including stomach ulcers, amenorrhea, and anemia. My body is shutting down, but I don’t care. In fact, this is kind of what I wanted. Slowly, but surely, I’m going to die. My disorders reassure this motive. Today is also my birthday. Guess my wishes are coming true.
I doubt anyone would take a look at this. But I have no one else to turn to. I have screwed up my life so tremendously, I feel that I have no other choice but to kill myself. My boyfriend, the one whom I love more than life itself, saw that I was texting my ex. I was just texting him to see how he was doing, but my bf had told me explicitly that he didn’t want me talking to him. Now he is calling me a liar and that I’m going to regret ever lying to him. I don’t know what he’s going […]
I had to go to the mental health ward where i stayed but still felt like i was brainwashed into committing but then had an extremely scary dream where i was in a black and white place, no escape, with people with red eyes that told me, ” your going to be here for a long time” so yeah think of the consequences. So talk to me first before committing yourself, im someone you can lean on. I want to be a nurse. i can help
Don’t tell me you know my sadness if you’ve never felt it. Don’t tell me you know the emptiness in my heart if you’ve ever seen it. Don’t tell me you know what I feel if you’ve never asked. Don’t try, just don’t even try. Because I have had enough of your lies, that you know me. That you care about me and are “There for me” Screw that. I know you better than that. I may not know EVERYTHING about you, but I know you well enough to know that you only care about your drugs and your beer. IF you really cared, you would […]
I hate this. I hate it all. Everything about life. And I just want to die.
I’m tired of being used. I’m tired of putting all my effort and heart into something and never having it work out my way. Not once. This life is crap. There’s no reason to live if all I’m going to experience is misery.
But I promised my best friend I would stay. Until at least the end of the year. And I don’t want to break that promise. She was so happy when I told her. So overjoyed. She hadn’t been honest with me about how upset she was over my […]
This is my first post on this website, but I know I’ll end up coming back here.
I never thought that I would end up on a site like this, struggling with my identity and hurting myself physically and mentally. I feel dirty and shameful and hypocritical. I always tell my friends and anyone who will listen to never never EVER hurt yourself, that it’s a horrible thing to do and that people love them, but when I do it, it becomes something else. I don’t want anyone to know. It’s my secret. And I don’t want to stop.
I don’t know if I would really say […]
Hi
This is my 3rd time posting on this website, i guess it’s because i have no one else. I am getting more and more depressed every day and don’t no what to do.I was thinking of taking an overdose when i looked up consequences of an overdose and it said brain damage and that put me off that idea.
I have being depressed for nearly two years now and i guess things are getting worse and worse lately. i think it was my friends that kept me on the right path, but now i’m no longer friends with them. i suppose i have […]
I don’t know what to do, when my ex and I were still together, she told me that i was a liar… How could I be if I had never spoken untrue words. When I thought telling her a certain something, no matter the consequences. I still told her faithfully. I was over at a friends house, whom my ex didn’t trust around me only because she thought that I would cheat on her, I still told her where I was. And once she told me that she was furious with me. I walked to her house, in my worst allergy, the Sun. Through out […]
Everyone at some point in their lives wakes up in the middle of the night with the feeling that they are all alone in the world and that nobody loves them, or worse will never love them. That they will wander blearily around a loveless landscape, hoping either inwardly or sometimes even desperately, that their life circumstances will improve, but fearing that it might not. That they will remain unloved forever or always struggling in existence.
The best thing to do in these situations is wake up, and realize you are ‘actually’ just (day) dreaming of a future.
I say go out and make one …. […]
Its hard to agree with others when they say i need mental help. I have been through so much, suicide is the only way out. To be honest i have had so many suicide attempts, i lost count. I’ve been put through so much help. I just want to be loved. Is that too much to ask for? My life started failing for me when i was about 5. I used to get molested by my older next door neighbor. Its hard trying to write all of this down when i have tears in my eyes, its a hard topic for me to speak about, […]