My sadness is turning into anger, I know that the lack of food is contributing to my irritation but I can’t help to feel abandoned. Out of all the people that said they love me why has no one called? My parents don’t know about my decision to stop eating and keep pressuring me by shoving food in my face and eating my favorite things in front of me I even tossed a slice of pizza out the window and tell them I was eating just to get them to stop, every smell is powerful and temptation is painful. I know they only do it […]
Tag:
Couple Of Days
A couple of days ago I believed today would be the day to get this done, finally, once and for all, no more hand-wringing, no more excuses. I was prepared to deal with the dreaded pain I knew it would take to do the deed. But wouldn’t you know it, the time frame when my will was the strongest my plans were thwarted because I didn’t get to be alone like I needed to be to carry out my plan. Of late it is almost comical how bad my luck has been!!!!!!!!!! Obviously I know I just have to bide my time and wait for […]
Its not even funny anymore why am I getting into these difficult situations and being blamed for shit which i havnt done.
First thing that happened recently is my ‘best’ friend turned around one day and just told me to go away and to never talk to her again…. I was like ok? wth… so anyways a couple of days later i talked to her again and she starts that crap again telling me to fuck off.. by now I’m like what the fuck have I done… So I ask someone else and they say I apparently I was taking about my friend behind her back… […]
I need help.
But you need to know my story first. My mom got married for the second time in 2007. Everything was fine he was really nice and he had his own daughter who was younger than me and my sister. After 2 years everything started getting worst I’m going to 9th grade and he starts acting werid he tryed to beat my sister and she went off on him and told my real dad and he had a gone crazy too. But after a couple months he started to coming inti my room at night and well, doing stuff to me. This happened […]
I can’t stop thinking about him. I really can’t control it anymore. To be in love with a person who is partly responsible for the biggest and ugliest scar on my hand, the other part is me. I know the world is laughing at me along with him but i can’t stop.
I tried to hate him instead but after couple of days he would do something nice, just a small gesture and i would forgive him and pretend we are starting all over again as friends. I am aware of all the lies, his twisted personality, and self-destruction. I also know he doesn’t give a […]
I cried for the first time in almost 10 years. It was only like 2 or 3 drops, but for someone like me who thought his tear ducts dried out years ago, it was a real relief. I have been contemplating suicide for years now. But only recently have i reached my breaking point. I have no real friends, only acquaintances. Im a 20 year old virgin, who only had one girlfriend, but i never met her in person. Had my heart broken more times then i can count. I learn the hard way that nice guys finish last, because im hopelessly to nice for […]
I’m manic depressive, maybe borderline. There’s this girl I love very deeply, but she does and says these things to me. A small fight, and it escalates, she’s inconsolable. She’s under a lot of stress I know, and she’s a good person basically. She’s combative. I apologize, but I don’t mean it. I console her, but do a bad job. I sulk, because I can’t console her, and I’m supposed to. I feel like a piece of shit. I feel that I don’t have anybody left to open up to. If I say so she gets pissed that I feel that way. Why is she […]
Last weekend, I managed to paint myself into a corner. I hadn’t realized that I had run out of Geodon and Cogentin, AND I hadn’t realized that I had no refills left. Okay, no big deal, request refills on-line, they’ll call my psych on Monday, I go get them, no big deal. I just need to get from Friday night to Monday afternoon. I’ve run out of other meds before, and they always take a couple of days before I start feeling any discomfort.
Goddess save me.
I started feeling it Saturday afternoon — tremors, sleepiness, lack of coordination. By the middle of Sunday, I felt like […]
Well, I was totally breaking down. Maybe a couple days away from ending it all and you caught me. You found me..even though I know i’m not good enough for anyone, you make me feel like i’m good enough for you. Havent been on here in a couple of days and I’m on here again because my ex boyfriend depresses me. But you’ll text me and ask what’s wrong, and make things better. I’d hate to think where I’d be if I hadn’t met you.
It just seems a bit too good to be true…and that would break me completely.
So i dont know its been a couple of days since i decided im going to stop hurting myself. I havent failed. But my emotions are everywhere. Im a mess. I just want to die, i havent thought how id do it, but last night i dreamt i hung myself. And i felt the almost life draining out of me in my dream. It was amazing, i felt relieved. Then i woke up, and im still alive, thinking to myself, i wanna die. I just wish it wasn’t so hard to leave all my loved ones :'( i dont know what to do anymore. If […]
People always tell me suicide is most selfish act anyone can do to Thier loved ones, but they never think how selfish it is of them to make someone go through hell just to keep thier feelings safe, if that makes sense.
I’m not necessarily talking about myself, but there are people with mental disorders or really bad problems that suicide is thier only way out. like schizophrenia for example, even though I believe it is not the only way out but it’s a choice.
I’ve just been reading yall’s stories for the past couple of days and let me just say my story is NOTHING compared […]
This is going to be more of a rant really. Knowing me, a long(-ish?) post. My apologies (If anyone even goes on to read this) for probably many clichés and awful English. Apparently I’m a fairly good writer. Pah, I wonder who’d still think that after reading my journals? No, I think that people on here and around me are just kinder than I deserve. My friends deserve so much more than me (I’m sorry…).
But yeah, ‘what a surprise’. Choose to die. Fail. Find more reliable ways to die. Fail. Set a date: 101252. Ooh, what a shocker – fail. What’s my freaking problem this time? […]
I’ve had it for a long time. I’m tired of feeling this way everyday, Im tired of being the fuck up that I am and Im tired of wondering when all of this will end. I won’t and I can’t do this any longer! This will be my last week and then it’s time for me to go. I have no idea what the other side holds for me but the thought of staying here is unbearable. My 16th birthday is less than a month away, but I can’t go that long…I just can’t! Im going to spend my last couple of days creating good […]
Hi all,
As Im approaching dreaded birthday tomorrow,I’m SO tempted to just end it all tomorrow night. I would do it tonight,but have to work:( I could just take off tomorrow after some sleep,check into a remote motel,and just let go…. I get so frustrated,esp. when my bitchy boss just sent me a nasty txt telling me not to be “negative” to the new nurse that Im training tonight. This is AFTER I spent all week letting her vent about her problems,taking time to help her with scheduling everybody,doing extra work,picking up overtime(granted I need it) and,oh yeah,just going over there and offering to do 4 […]
Everyday, these days. I go to this site to see if you has been writen. I know, from earlier posts i found from you, how you feel. And the last couple of days i have done this, more frightned than ever that you have “done it” for real. I know you will not talk to me, and what i care is not important to you. But you should know i care. And that i am not the only one everyday going to this site, always afraid of the possibility that I could find your last words.
I pray everyday, that you will stay alive, and […]
I don’t know why but recently I do want to just disappear. Recently I have so much stresss from for finding a new job. Also my wife is not helping at all. She works, but she keeps on pushing me. To a point i just want to end it. Sometimes I just want a divorse and sometime I just want to end my life because of so much stress. I don’t know what I should do. Sometimes I pray that I won’t wakeup in the morning. That my life will end in my sleep. I don’t want to kill myself, because I think its wrong. […]
let me start by saying, i tried to kill myself in 2003 by slitting my wrists, i made a mistake of doing it outside and i made such a scene that i was found before i could end what i had started (pity).I have never spoken to any of my friends about that night.The only person who knows what happened is me so i hope i press publish (Which will be a big moment for me ).Roll forward to 2012 and the battle inside is in full flow.I havent had a job since 2003 either which hasnt helped me (i have something wrong with me which makes it nearly impossible for anyone to […]
I cut myself again. I guess I don’t really mind because at least now I can think straight….. It’s been two days since my first attempt….. I honestly didn’t think that i was gonna fail either…. for some reason i know for sure that im going to try again…. Is this insane???
I’m still wrestling with the thought of being remembered as a coward for “choosing the easy way out”……but to be honest that choice i made 2 days ago, to end it all AND go through with it….it was one of the hardest choices ive ever had to make….. anyways I have another question: What […]
I recently read this book called “Thirteen Reasons Why” by Jay Asher about a girl named Hannah who kills herself, but before she does she makes these tapes that explain why she killed herself, and who was involved in her making that decision, and then she sends the tapes to the people on them and tells them if they don’t pass them on, then someone who has a copy of the tapes will release them to the public at school, ruining their lives.
It got me thinking: What are my reasons? If I were to kill myself, what would my reasons be behind it, and would anyone […]
I have been depressed for almost 2 years now. I told my aunt that I was depressed about 1 year ago. The reason why I’m depressed will take me to long to explain, so if your wondering why, check the post that says: “Wishing, Waiting, Dieing”. Anyway, she took me to see a consular a couple of days after I told her how I felt. At that first meeting I was told that if I wasn’t better within the next month, I would be put on a depression pill. A month goes by, nothing. Another month goes by, nothing. I start to let the pain […]