I cant breath I cry and I am facing a pillow I ralize I cant breath and I am holding my breath half of my mind is telling me its okay and my body is screaming WHAT ARE U DOING START BREATHINGSTOP BEING STUPID AND IS CUSSING I looked info on suicide and how people act I noticed I am like that ii cry and say how did I get here and I realize my mom is a drunk and druggie she dint even care enough when I was in her stomach to not do drugs not me or my lil sist. but my […]
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Dad
This isnt really my story but ill tell you anyway.
when i was growing up i had i close girl ‘friend’ who played with me every day. unlike me though, she was from a broken home and was abused by her dad, i was to young to understand at the time.she put up with this until she was a about 12 when her dad went for it and….well you can probably guess what happened, after that she tod the cops and they probably took him to prison.
it’s now 4 years after her dads gone (i dunno were she don’t tell me) and […]
i don’t even know why i’m on here. it’s not like people want to know about me anyways, but ohkay. i’m cat and i turn 15 in november. i’ve been suffering with OCD, depression, anxiety and body dysmorphic disorder (BDD). the body dysmorphic disorder is the worst because i got homeschooled because of it. i would sit there and stare at myself for hours and cry when i should be getting ready. i would punch myself in the face or wrists and pull my hair or skin. i started out just being constantly late to school, but now i’m so afraid of people seeing me […]
I feel like the reason I like the suicide project is because I can write my true feelings. Â Usually I keep them bottled up. Â I know my dad has advanced diabetes and my mom just lost her mom and then her little sister and she feels helpless so I cant really tell them “hey I have serious depression, I lay in the fetal position and cry and wish for it to be over” Â That doesnt help them. Â So I try to keep going and then what happens my sister starts a fight with me over shit that has nothing to do with me. Â So I […]
So I’ve been dealing with depression for awhile, and it’s been in different forms each time if that makes sense? Like meaning the way I see myself and others around me. Beginning in highschool and through it I had a rough time dealing with others, by my junior year I was into death metal and planning on getting a gun to kill everyone in school. Even now I’m not as shaken by that statement as I should be and that’s what lead me to my next part of depression. By my second year of college I was alone, sure I had family and friends who would see me, sometimes […]
The knife cuts deep. Blood starts to rush out. He doesn’t know why he’s doing it, he just knows that the pain feels oh so good. It makes him feel alive. It helps him know that he hasn’t gone completely numb. That some parts of him still have feeling left long after its left everywhere else.
Not that it matters anymore.
This probably wasn’t the best time or place for it, but he didn’t feel like there was a time or place for anything anymore. Everyone else had fell asleep a long time ago, and his dad had left for work, so he’d been left to himself. […]
I am 26, male. Let me preface this by saying that I am relatively intelligent (B.S. Physics), relatively attractive, and from the outside, it appears that my life is going well. All is not well. I have struggled with depression for over a decade now and sometimes it feels like I am smart enough to out-think it, beat it, but it always comes back to haunt me.
I have thought of all the possibilities, I wish I could hand my life off to someone more deserving. I should be happy! I have a stable job, a great roommate, and vitality that […]
Feeling overwhelmed again and feel that crazy need to DO something; so I am going to write as honestly as I can in hope of clearing my head and maybe helping others to not feel so alone..
I am 19 years old, going to a community college in hopes of learning everything I can about computers and eventually getting a PhD. (programming and hacking take me to a different place, a place where I am extremely intrigued and life actually seems interesting because there is so much to it.)Â Normally I just get tired of waking up to the same routine everyday, not so much that […]
Hi guys! How have you been? I have some good and then again some bad news… I have girlfriend : ) She is like all I ever wanted, and I couldn’t ask anything more when I have her by my side ♥ We have been together almost two months now, but we have secretly been in love with each other over half a year.. so we are happy that we can finaly be together now!
But there is one problem I haven’t talked with her about yet.. And it’s her ex. Her exgirlfriend, who died last year. I know that year is very very short time […]
born may 27 1962
its been a long road in life and it never gets easy .. all the drugs in the world are never enough to fill the dead hole where my soul goes.. never owned a car or had a family or a house.. my dad died in the war and my mom never came home one day
.. no brothers or sisters to help out .. i would have died then if it wasnt for an old school mate of mine sneakin food out for me everyday.. i knew i couldnt take his food forever so i decided to up and leave to San […]
it’s become evident that as of now my life is not worth living. i am miserable, lonely, and i cant afford to wait years, months, or weeks for my life to get better. i’ve been waiting for as long as i can remember. the only thing that i’ve learned from mental hospitals is that committing suicide is a selfish act. but isn’t it selfish to force someone to live in pain and agony day after day when they just want to die? i’m lonely. my dad is moving out of the state, my best friend only cares about drinking, and guys only use me for […]
Dad constantly hugs me, kisses me, messes my hair *affectionately*, rubs my face with his hands, the same hands he used to hurt my mum. Makes me feel SICK.
He constantly calls me, last thing at night, first thing in the morning.
Whenever my fon beeps “is it mom?” no dad its my friends lauren. Whenever im texting somone “are you texting mum” any word from mum? G’on text mum for me. Makes me text stuff to her I don’t want to say
My position is that I am lying. Constantly lying through my teeth. I don’t love him, don’t want him back, I HATE HIM DISPISE HIM, […]
Yesterday I went for a walk, somehow I felt a little better. I saw some horses and watched them for awhile. Walked in the rain, but it felt good, at least it made me feel. But last night I looked on the internet and there is so much – so much of the opposite of what I’ve always thought was beautiful. Gentleness, tenderness, sweetness, paintings that move you deep inside, someone that would help a neighbor, little children being allowed to be innocent, dreams, words that carry weight, words that mean something. I start to think I wish something had happened to me awhile ago, […]
i need my dad to be here for me i dont need him shouting at me…… this shit… to much lost fath…… if ther is a god he gave up on me 16 years ago…. when i was born
love you xxxxxxxxxxxx
Dear Reader,
My Grandpa committed suicide when he was 75 years old. He took his life in 2005, and my Dad found him. My Father. found. him! I, a 15 year old, watched as my Dad crumbled into a million pieces, literally broke down. A 6’3″ italian goomba fell to his knees in pain over the loss of his own father. My grandma was frozen in shock, numb to the fact her husband (going on 50 years) was no longer coming home after work, or bringing her white daisy’s on Sundays, or laughing to get her to smile. He was gone. Forever.
My grandpa had three beautiful […]
i wish i can drink alcohols and get drunk, forget everything for a while.. but i cant really drink it.. i always puke.. wish i can sleep all day and hav beautiful dreams instead thinking of how miserable my life is.. i hate my parents i hate my brother i hate my environment i hate my life i hate everything.. my parents sucks.. they always see things different than wad i see,, and their financial sucks too make it worse.. i always see tht im less than my brother.. its not like im comparing myself to him.. but the fact tht he went to expensive […]
my dad caught on that im bi-sexual…he now hates me. he wants nothing to do with me cuz i defied his religion. and im now a gross psychopath with aids and shit haha ive never had sex but with a guy. and sure i make out with girls and ive had 2 gfs..but really who gives a fuck? thanks to religion my family has more problems.
im tired of my life. i just give and dont get. my mom needs me my dad needs me. some 16 year old friend of my mom needs me. i like her but turn she will probably never move to where i am even if i wait. she is not stable right now. my sister is always busy and not easy to talk to. my dad cut me out of his life. my mom just doesnt get how i feel. if i killed myself i would just be inconveniencing them. i woyldnt lose anything. yeah they care about me, but isnt every one supposed to? […]
I realize that I got ahead of myself in the last post, left out some key points…. left out reasons why. At this point I sat down in class, this stuff I have not shared….I had enough of being a freak show for one day. I go to school with about 100 students…. I am the youngest there…. only a baby…. only 18. I moved away from my family to go to school. I wanted to be happy, I was free of the shadows and pressures that suffocated me day after day. I wasn’t happy, I never was. I didn’t know anyone, so I didn’t […]
So yesterday my father told me to kill myself. Instead of doing whatever the hell he wanted me to do, I decided to get back at him. If you’re wondering how… I lost my virginity and my dad can suck my imaginary penis…