This is the final test of…. well I don’t really know.I am going back to the place where it all began.where it began and ended. I don’t know if I can take it without breaking down. to somepeople on here we sound happy in comments when we really are dying inside. for me music kinda helps sad or not. I personally like arms of an angel by Sarah mchlaughlan and emotionless by good Charlotte. but I am still partly dead inside.I said before I hated my dad. but honestly id rather feel.sadness/depression rather than hatred.
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Dad
My dad has always been annoying and judges everything. He always told me that would not be ok with me being gay. I should say “hey dad I need to talk” then after 10 minutes of telling him I can’t say, in a sincere voice say “dad I’m gay” It would fuck him up so bad. Then two or three days later after it has sunk into him say “haha not really I was kidding”
I hate your touch
I hate your smellÂ
I hate your walkÂ
I hate the way you talk
I hate your mom
I hate your dad
I hate your brother who assumed I was bad
I hate the lord for making someone like you
I hate him for bring me to you
I hate how you made me love you
I hate how you took my heart away
I hate how you broke it
I hate how you left it
I hate how you never said you were sorry
I hate you for everything you did to me
I hate you for making me hate […]
So my roommate dared me to post my story, my whole story. He doesn’t think it’s that bad. I think it’s horrible. And I don’t want to live much longer a life that isn’t mine.
I’d say I had a fairly ‘normal’ up bringing. I had a really close family that was always supportive and loving. Never any abuse in my family of any sort that I am aware of. We had traditions, etc. I have been experiencing signs of depression since the age of 12 or so (I am 31 now.). I have always been a computer savvy person, and have had computer jobs during […]
I need help.
But you need to know my story first. My mom got married for the second time in 2007. Everything was fine he was really nice and he had his own daughter who was younger than me and my sister. After 2 years everything started getting worst I’m going to 9th grade and he starts acting werid he tryed to beat my sister and she went off on him and told my real dad and he had a gone crazy too. But after a couple months he started to coming inti my room at night and well, doing stuff to me. This happened […]
this is really hard for me to post this.
i feel like i should. but I’m so nervous about even sharing it with people i will never know.
it started back when i was about 13. I felt really down. I didn’t really have any main friendship groups. I was having trouble with my family ad i just always had this feeling of being useless. I held a blade to my wrist. I wasn’t really sure what I was doing. I just felt like this was a way to make the pain seem real. and i still have scars there today 3 years later. This went on […]
I am so fed up with seeing and hearing, It gets better. DO I CARE?! if it gets better for you, great. I am even happy you don’t feel down anymore, but I DO!! the only way things will get better is by suicide. people claim to care, but they lie. they all lie. i have been betrayed and lied to so much in such a short time span i can’t even trust my own dad!
I’m useless in this “real world”….I’m such a fucking impractical, too imaginative person.. thus, I don’t belong here in this mundane, dull, boring real world..!
by niki
written by niki
I’m useless in this “real world”….I’m such a fucking impractical, too imaginative person…
thus, I don’t belong here in this mundane, dull, boring real world..!
I often feel like I belong to another planet, universe, or perhaps another ‘spiritual’ plane, dimension,..something like that.
my super-vivid imagination’s world / universe is often a HUNDRED times much more lively, interesting, exciting, thrilling, and challenging than this apparently “Law and Order, all about money/profits and status” shallow, mundane, meaningless real world !
it’s my curse.
fuck my life..
get the hell me out of this fucking Matrix , please , somebody!
there should be an OPTION to get the fuck […]
I hate my life.
In school i am bullied.
 And my dad is an Alcoholics, my mom has cancer.Â
My only friend died last year (she was a dog).
 And SO MUCH MORE. It is just so much pain and i have no one to talk to and i have tried to commit suicide two times. But my sister cut me in the act. I just think that if i dont die now it will only get worse. And I would not want that.
I knew it wouldn’t last. All that happiness has vanished from yesterday.
I had a terrible day today. At lunch I sat alone. All my classes were spent ignoring everyone. And when I come home, my dad just starts yelling at me because he’s not appreciated.
Well guess what, neither am I. I just took 5000 mg of advil and I plan on taking more later. Maybe then they’ll realize they should’ve appreciated me.
So I had standardized testing on computers today, and my teacher gave an instruction he was unclear about, and I did the wrong thing, and he fucking screamed at me right in front of everyone. I made it to my quiet corner of the band room before I started crying (it was lunch after the tests). So I spent half an hour sitting behind the brass kettle drums, trying not to cry and slicing at my wrist with scissors, because I didn’t want to bleed everywhere.
When people yell at me, especially with an audience, it reminds me of my dad, who has abused my mom […]
Hey guys here is my story of selfishness, and my un valid reasons for wanting to take my life. Im 23 I live in the UK. Basicly think im a person who just doesnt know how to survive in realworld and make sensible adult decisions. Been to university twice to persue my dream career of becoming an actor or a drama teacher. Both times ended up dropping out due to just [artying all time and making terrible choices. I spend money like an absolurte moron take out payday loans just to spend money to try and make myself feel better. Last octoper I self admitted […]
I am starting to feel like I am being punished for being alive, I wasn’t truly meant to exist anyway since I was unplanned. I can’t have one good thing happen and if something does, I pay for it later on. I have been through so much in my life, was mentally and physically abused by my dad, had to watch it happen to my mom who is disabled, been into women’s shelters, was raised in a cult like religion which left me without friends, social activities was highly restricted, no help from them with what was going on at home since they said in […]
I can’t do anything at this point. I get drunk all the time, as often as I can. I take advantage of other people. People I’m supposed to care about. I owe people a bunch of money. I’m living off my family. I can’t hold a job, I don’t have any friends, and I don’t care about people who care about me. I want it to stop. I want to stop being me, I want to stop thinking about all of my problems, I want to stop contemplating suicide and just do it. I thought about it all the time when I was 14, I […]
i dont want to be here anymore
i dont know what going on my lifes so messed up. everything went wrong when i was taken from my mother at the age of 11 i had to move to my dads because social services said my mum emotionally and mentaly abused us i was a good kid i looked after my younger sibling while my older brother and sister took drugs with my mum so when we was taken i was relieved in a way but my whole life changed from there. i have 4 sisters and 1 brother we all got seperated and we had supervised […]
that when I finally get to meet the other person who helped my mother sire me, it would be the last meeting we would ever have.
It would either be because I killed myself afterwards, or I get into an accident that killed me afterwards.
Is this all I’m waiting for? To go “Hello Dad, it’s nice to meet you again. Goodbye.” And that will be that. It’s funny but every year for the past decade or so, I’ve been making lists of things to do before my birthday because I resolved to kill myself after that. But every year, I kept backing out because I was […]
Things were starting to get better. It’s been almost two weeks since the last time I sliced myself. I finally told my dad to get me a therapist since my mom doesn’t give a shit. I guess my dad forgot about me again. Not a surprise, my family seems to forget about me alot. I even tell them I’m their forgotten child.
I really hate my family. Especially my mom. She thinks it’s hilarious to make fun of me. She’s over done it today. Haha very funny to make fun of your daughter in front of my dad and little brother. I always just […]
Okay, so when i was three years old, my parents got divorced. I was fine with it, and everything was okay. Untill my dad got remarried…
My step mom has been a b*tch to me basically my whole life. It was kinda like the Cinderella story.. but for a few years (when i was about 7-12) everything was okay. But now im almost 14,. & the past 8 1/2 months or so have been shit.
Its not all because of my dads family. Some of it was me making stupid decisions. I know this may sound ridiculous […]
Things couldn’t have turned out better, I have been ill these apst few days and was prescribed pennicillan. But they just make me feel worse so i’m thinking about saving them for tuesday…
I can’t believe how quickly my birthday has came around, The only problem is that my dad is coming down for the day. :/
I want to ask the guys something, For you see whenever I want to stop one of my routines I usually asked a guy if everything would be ok and if it was safe to do so.. But I don’t really have access to my usual suspects. So i would […]
Before I begin with my story, let me just say that I’m staring death in the face and I’m at the end of my pitiful rope. It’s a long story so please get comfortable. At the very end, is a letter to my love.
September 25, 2010 – The day my life would change forever.
I had been talking to this girl I liked for a while now, we had a lot in common, so we set up a movie date. September 25 was our first date. She looked beautiful that summer night. I remember what she wore, how her hair was, and most of all, that […]