I am a 20 year old female attending university within my home town. I honestly feel lost within my own life. I am a waste of space. I do not know how to cook, terrible at cleaning, and struggle to manage a workload in school that others would find easy. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and anxiety disorder. I was never social as a child; I can’t go up to someone and start a conversation. I had a happy childhood, up to a point. Our home has come under disrepair within the past decade or so. I love my parents, at least I […]
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Decade
I’m sitting here at 4 in the morning because I’m in too much emotional pain to sleep. I can’t stand being myself. I care too much for my best friend. I don’t understand it. I think I love her as more than a friend, even though we are the same gender. I have to force myself to support her when she tells me that she wants to be with a guy. I have to sit and pretend she isn’t sleeping with someone else. I have to pretend I don’t love her because it would ruin our friendship. But I love this person so much. I care […]
Well, I’ve been psycho for past few months. I got betrayed by my friend, live bullying and shit. Some damn kids use the adult relationships to ruin my life since kid. They bully me for so many years already and still do. It’s very humiliating cause they’re like 6 years or younger than me.
At school, I am forced to tell jokes to please my friends. I just get addicted to it. I couldn’t quit.
I also got severe pain or knife moving inside my face. Yes, I mean KNIFE. It mutated, moves and hurts like hell for every damn second for the past decade. It’s like […]
So, it’s my Birthday again tomorrow; I’ll be 23. Ever get the feeling of deja vu? Nothing seems to change, aside from an increasing feeling of isolation and a decreasing feeling of motivation for life. I don’t feel human anymore. I don’t want to be alive, I cannot see a way out of my isolation apart from death. Of course, this would seem rather over-dramatic from an outside perspective, from those “just get over it, cheer up!” types. However, for almost a decade now I have had no friends, no connection with others and no affection. I won’t pretend I’m not bitter, because I am, […]
What does it take to find somebody in this world who actually cares about your situation and who actually works for your benefit? All I keep meeting is people who turn towards their darkside for any little petty stupid thing and people who have nothing but LIES. Here I am, Amphetimine addict who has just had a dealer I’ve known for over a decade stop serving me and blanking me completely just because HIS stuff  made me paranoid and I guess it tripped him out a bit, after all we havent all got brain conditions due to drugs.
I cant find anybody else who sells it and EVERYBODYÂ I know […]
everything im freaking out about right now – clothes, pimples, classes, homework, friends, boys, cutting, – it all seems so huge and like its all that matters.
but then i think about the future. in 10 years its wont matter who dated who for how long and who had a fight with who. it wont matter.
it wont mean anything.
but i want it to matter.
so im making myself a promise.
im going to stop thinking about the future and how things will be in a month, a year, a decade.
thinking about it now will not effect the outcome of my entire life. so the only thing i will […]
I am 26, male. Let me preface this by saying that I am relatively intelligent (B.S. Physics), relatively attractive, and from the outside, it appears that my life is going well. All is not well. I have struggled with depression for over a decade now and sometimes it feels like I am smart enough to out-think it, beat it, but it always comes back to haunt me.
I have thought of all the possibilities, I wish I could hand my life off to someone more deserving. I should be happy! I have a stable job, a great roommate, and vitality that […]
Greetings all. Getting ready to do the deed and was hoping for some feedback on my, admittedly, unconventional final remarks. I wanted to try and keep things are lighthearted as possible given the subject matter and place the blame where it belongs–myself. Iwould appreciate any thoughts. It does need to be right the first time after all.
To whom it may concern;
I doubt that many people will read this and fewer still are likely to care. That said I felt I should say something before the big recycle so here it is. I’m done. I can’t do this anymore. I have decided to go the gun […]
Live in Seattle, almost 30, unemployed and single.  Live at home w/my Mom, lil Sis, and her boyfriend. I feel super unwelcome in my own home. They treat me like I shouldn’t exist. That’s enough to make anyone suicidal. I suspect I’m bipolar. Dunno though I’ve never been diagnosed. Even if I was certain it’s not like there’s a cure. I’m having difficulty managing my life, all I can do is drink whenever I get the chance. I always feel alone even when I’m with my closest friends. People I’ve known for more than a decade. I just feel trapped and that nobody cares. I’m […]
Anew on the morning sunrays I began another day
with an entire white oblong pill (vice 1/2 a tablet) on my way to the bottom of the well/or to evade the bottom of the well…
Why can I not climb or simply descend to find the floor of the well?
At the very least the waterfalls have lessend and speaking any hellos with strangers no longer turns on the torrents of tears
For this I am grateful
What I knew to be a possibility has not surfaced
in fact this new reality is far from how I thought it would be
I won’t share my personal drama, since I’m sure most of you have enough with your own shit and I find it pointless to vomit a self-indulgent wall of text which screams “my life is shittier than yours”. I simply want to share this suicide-related issue and see if any of you are going through similar stuff and how you’ve dealt with it. Please refrain from posting “at least you have friends”-style crap.
I’ve already planned my suicide, even saved money for all the stuff that is required when someone dies (funeral and that stuff), and I’m always writting suicide notes telling everyone that this is […]
The problem. I am the problem
Everything wrong comes from me
Nobody cares what I see as truth
None of it matters any who
I’m just another face in the crowd
Nothing special, not renowned
Never to become anything of worth
Cursed to walk the earth in misery for eternity
So easy are the old ways
To slip back to pains and drains
So familiar to my hand that it just might slip through a vein or three
The record in my head plays over and over again about how everything’s wrong
Everything’s gone
And how the world would move along without me here
I can’t focus I can’t sleep
I can’t dream I can’t eat
I can’t stand to live […]
I have been talking to a few close friends about this but not yet written it down, this site is a great idea, ive just joined and im looking forward to reading more-its somewhat refreshing to not only know others out there are feeling like ending their life but that interaction is also possible- which is important.
Im a mature student in my finial year of uni, i dont really drink or do drugs anymore, its taken me 8 years to get to this point as my teeneage years and general social circles are all based on booze.drinking was making me miserable, so i stopped or […]
I’ve been planning to commit suicide for more than a decade. Life is meaningless to me. I have no interest in doing anything. Why we need to live if we all will die one day eventually.
I’ve told my best friends and parents about my thoughts many times, the only thing that keeps me alive is that I don’t want to hurt my parents. However, this makes me feel more depressed and at one point I thought I should wait till they left before I could end my own life, but I’ve no idea how long I can wait.
I’m a spoiled kid, I got whatever I […]
Well, some of you on chat knows me as CL and I’m just getting to the end of my tether here. And talk about timing. My mother and her partner have just announced their engagement last night and me, my sis and her fiancée only know at the moment. They’re all in their own happy worlds even though there are hardships here and there and there’s me wanting to kill myself. I got everything I need to go out via Carbon Monoxide and today or tomorrow seems like the only times when I get enough time to go through with it without being disturbed. I […]
I estimate this fight has been going on for a grueling decade now. As a juvenile I made an attempt. It’s been my only attempt. However, the thoughts never subsided. I learned in this last year that they can get worse. But I still try to carry on. Act as though they don’t exist. These thoughts are very much real I’m sad to say.
Ive tried seeking help. I started by informing my family. As they did when I was a juvenile, it was brushed off. I’ve learned to not tell them much about my life. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t abused as child. I […]
My mom had a bikers wedding. Real punk rock, real horrorshow.
That was dad #2, but I didn’t know that. Not at the time.
He was good at getting to the bottle, and the bottle getting to him. Then she remarried. A real stiff guy, the kind who could make diamonds.
We moved away from the continental US. That was the first time I became the black guy; attacked and ridiculed for nothing more than the color of my skin.
I’m a white kid.
Guam attacked me with a rage that I’ve never really lost. My first taste of real life, the first real look beyond the facade of peace, […]
Hi there, i don’t want to go into a lot of detail so i will try keep it short. I have suffered from severe depression for 10 years. It started with a breakdown caused by a split with my boyfriend and i swallowed a bottle of paracetomol. I freaked out and called for help. After that i overdosed again and slit my wrists twice and needed stitches. I was hospitalised on and off for a few years and was mis diagnosed with bipolar type 2 disorder. I’ve seen a number of psychiatrists over the years and have been on every single medication you can imagine […]
Been thinking.
Too much.
How do you change your thought process? I’m not talking about just negativity, here. The way you think. I’ve been so analytical in my thought process that the only way to change is to constantly brainwash myself towards another way of thinking, and that’s what I need to escape from. I want to live in a more direct “Living by the moment for the moment”, not “Living in my brain about the moment in the moment”. I can’t just “live”. I don’t need a happily ever after either. Just normal conversations with a person. My father. My friend. Anyone. (Yeah, I’m a […]
I have been through a lot – bullying, attempted murder, attempted rape, none-curable illness etc.. Each time I have escaped with my life, I have found inner strength and saved myself from suicide countless times. Each time I think to myself ‘things will get better’.. But I have yet to see any kind of manifestation of luck.
I am mentally ill. I have suffered with hallucinations, delusions and thought disorder for over a decade. The last year has been particularly hard following a fellow human being physically harming me.
I crumbled and asked for help for the first time ever in January, though I found the process humiliating I was […]
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