Tag:

deep

The Boy Inside

by basefree 12/15/2015

written by basefree

I’m 28 years old now but I’m still that timid and shy little kid I was since I can remember and I fucking hate it.

I’ve tried cognitive therapy, SSRIs and even self-improvement clubs and courses like Toastmasters, but to no avail. I just seize up and go blank when I’m supposed to talk to people, and don’t even get me started on trying to talk to women. I’m such a fucking loser.

It probably goes back to my strict upbringing where anxiety and fear were some of my earliest feelings. I’m just broken. When anyone engages me I shut down, shut off. This must […]

12/15/2015 4 comments

Empty

by evildandelions 12/13/2015

written by evildandelions

I feel so heart-broken, that even having my depression improve doesn’t feel important to me. I want to be happy with my ex-fiance. It feels so cruel for my depression to maybe finally lift a little, only to lose the most important person to me. I feel like a part of myself is missing.

It just all feels so impossible. Like it can’t be happening. Or that it shouldn’t be happening. I just can’t stand it.

I have a friend coming to visit me. I invited him because I really need a friend, in person, right now. I don’t have any local friends. But I don’t know […]

12/13/2015 1 comment

Make me hurt

by thelost 12/13/2015

written by thelost

Make me hurt

Scratch and tear at my mind

Come on, I actually want it this time

Where are you when I need you?

Rip my heart apart

Why not

WHY NOT

Why not, you bastard

I’m begging for it

I want it

I need it

Give it to me

How dare you abandon me

When you’ve been my faithful companion for so long

You

The one thing that has always been there

You liar

You said you’d never leave

I believe you

You’ll never leave

You Goddamn monster

You’re fucking sick

Does it please you

To watch me bleed on the ground

I loved you once

I think we all do

Then we hate you

We wish you dead

You’re deep inside of me

The only way you’ll die is if I do

And […]

12/13/2015 2 comments

I think we all need a good scream…

by Take a Deep Breath 12/7/2015

written by Take a Deep Breath

Hello loves 🙂 So I haven’t been feeling exactly chipper lately, and I think I’ve found something helpful.

You can go somewhere you think no one will hear you, or you can just stay in your house. Grab your pillow if you want to try and muffle the sound- but I recommend just letting it out.

Now, take a deep breath (haha see what I did there) and just scream your freaking head off.

Now I don’t mean a half assed yell- I mean a fucking battlecry against everything you’ve ever faced as a challenge or a foe.

Just a suggestion

12/7/2015 11 comments

The worst part

by notsureifreadytogo 12/7/2015

written by notsureifreadytogo

Is not being able to tell anyone. Limited to a note. An afterthought. No deep conversations. No reassurances. Just a fucking piece of paper. I want to tell people. I dont want to be stopped. I want to say a real goodbye. But you cant. You have to hold the secret, while you make ready. You have to prepare them without telling them. That’s what makes it a selfish act. How selfish of society, to make something so personal into a selfish act itself, because you can’t ease the burden for them without interference.

12/7/2015 1 comment

What lifted my heart yesterday

by SoVeryTired 12/6/2015

written by SoVeryTired

I was setting up the Christmas tree, bittersweetly aware that it would be my last Christmas, when my (grownup) son joined me for a bit, and reminisced about bits of decoration – a garland he had made in primary school – little fake parcels he had thought as a kid to contain lollies, only to discover to is great disappointment that they just contained tiny blocks of styrofoam – no matter how many of them he opened LOL

For some reason that broke through to me. All the sudden the abstract “my sons love me” became alive again.

So lets just say, I am now a bit […]

12/6/2015 3 comments

I Feel Nothing!!

by Ylem 11/26/2015

written by Ylem

I have been trying for years to look deep inside myself in search of some kind of humanly feelings. All I have find is hollow and empty nothingness. There is a deep hollow void in my heart that cant be filled by anything.
Yes, I smile I laugh, but those are all just fake. I have perfected it over the years. Fake emotions.
There is also some darkness lurking inside of me. I have kept that dark flame in me at bay for quite some time, but now, I feel like Im losing that battle. Im getting darker and darker by the day.
It scares […]

11/26/2015 8 comments

To be or not to be?

by Costy 11/26/2015

written by Costy

I want to die but I can’t die.It will destroy my family, what’s left from it. I don’t see a point in living this life. My atheist beliefs destroyed me, it’s like what can be better than going into the nothingness you came from or search for the unknown. Sadly, I am a person that has a big IQ . And persons with high intelligence tend more to go insane. My experiences in life turned me to believe in nothing, somehow deep down I still hope for something but what can be better than eternal tranquility? I also suffered from anxiety and depression and with […]

11/26/2015 10 comments

OCD thoughts…

by abisslover25 11/16/2015

written by abisslover25

Today’s OCD thoughts are brought to you today by cheaters.

I have have been cheated on in every relationship I have ever been in and today o keep going over how it must feel. To be the person who has 2 ppl to choose from, a lot of times (in my cases) 2 people that love them.

I wonder what it’s like to have multiple people to love you?? I have never even had 1 person love me so it actually really is perplexing to me having 2 people love you or hell even WANT you. 9 hours this morning circling this idea in my head over […]

11/16/2015 8 comments

My rambling

by thelost 11/12/2015

written by thelost

Her eyes shine bright in the unnatural light of this night. A smile from her lights my skin alight. We fight and fight, but it ends up alright. Two souls, drifting through life like a kite in the wind. One smile, and I’d trade my sight for the might those blue eyes provide. Am I right to ride, this miracle of life? After I lied and lied while the old me died. I thought I could confide, but with every revelation there was naught but hesitation in her eyes. Those eyes, those lips, they provide what I nee to survive. A purpose behind this useless […]

11/12/2015 2 comments

Protected: Hope

by daitya1989 11/11/2015

written by daitya1989

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

11/11/2015 2 comments

Quote of the Day

by Take a Deep Breath 11/10/2015

written by Take a Deep Breath

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known loss, known struggle, and have found their way out of their depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with the compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”

11/10/2015 1 comment

‘i’m tired’ is code red in my world

by joshieboy9 11/9/2015

written by joshieboy9

when i say that i’m tired, i don’t just mean that i’m sleepy or strained; i mean i’m overwhelmed and at serious risk of going off the deep end.

i’ve done a bunch of stuff i’m not proud of, and i guess i don’t really wanna focus on that, but needless to say i’ve been in code red for the last two or three days; i’ve called the lifeline, mostly because i don’t know if i have friends who can stay up with me while i feel this way. but i reached out to a few close friends to see if they’ll help out.

…

update, they are […]

11/9/2015 6 comments

What keeps you from cutting?

by Stereotype 11/7/2015

written by Stereotype

“What keeps you from cutting?”

This question was posed upon me by my therapist recently. My answer was that I want success more than I want momentary relief from psychological pain….

So it’s just not worth it to cut anymore. Also I haven’t yet admitted to the frequency and intensity of suicidal ideation I’ve been enduring since we started talking about “what happened”. I don’t like talking about my uncle and the incest, it hurts me deep inside. I feel like I’m bleeding internally but when I vomit up my anxiety it is nothing but acrid yellow phlegm. I essentially want to rid myself of these demons […]

11/7/2015 12 comments

by Hopeful Cynic 11/6/2015

written by Hopeful Cynic

I haven’t been on this site for two and a half years and yet here I am back again. Folks around me say it’s a testament to my strength that I’ve made it this far, but I say it’s a wonderful combination of cowardice and my old friend Jack. I don’t really know what I wanted to say here but I just needed to say something somewhere to someone. A lot of the time it’s the silence that gets to me, albeit I bring that silence upon myself. Nobody to talk to about this stuff, nobody that really honestly wants to hear what I think. […]

11/6/2015 4 comments

dear Dad.

by L0STgirl 11/5/2015

written by L0STgirl

my heart: broken into a million pieces, my brain: shattered, my soul: no where to be found. I feel as if my body roams this earth but I am already deceased into the dark shadowy pits of hell with no where to go but down. I can physically feel the overwhelming heat burning through my body. my cries for help are consistent and as loud as atomic bombs hitting the ground. yet, no one seems to hear a thing. I’ve realized I’ve fallen so deep in this trance that no one is there to hear me now. hitting rock bottom is an understatement, people go […]

11/5/2015 4 comments

My Skin is Writhing

by iicookieii 11/4/2015

written by iicookieii

I can’t breathe, I want to scratch, claw, rub my skin but I cannot. I’m starting to crack open and the uglyness is starting to shine through. I’m not sure how much longer I can keep together this facade of normalcy. I’m breaking down in tears and lashing out at people around me, throwing things, wrecking things.

I’m trying to keep things smooth and yet I’m not sure how much longer I can possibly stay here on this God-forsaken planet when everything inside me is falling apart.

And yet I’m trying to take deep breaths, trying to breathe, trying to hold on to any hint of rationale. Impulsivity breeds […]

11/4/2015 2 comments

Let me off!

by AfflictedSmile 11/4/2015

written by AfflictedSmile

I can’t handle or control my emotions. My emotions fluctuate and change on a dime. Sometimes it’s stays that way for several hours or days, and other times it’s minute by minute.

I’ve been feeling really suicidal lately, and I’ve almost broke down several times at work. And as a guy, the thought of showing my emotions (crying etc) in front of other men is never a good thing. So I constantly have to regain my composure. I go from wanting to just cry, to being angry, to being filled with rage. And when I’m filled with rage, it’s explosive anger. I cussed out a man […]

11/4/2015 1 comment

The Livid – Denial

by hiitsme0819 11/2/2015

written by hiitsme0819

Scared and hurt he looks around
No one moves or makes a sound
Wipes his tears away and runs so far to hide away
One fine day he sits there
On a hilltop in open air
Looking for something he can’t find anywhere

From the outside he looks fine…
When you look deep down inside
You can see the anger flaming up inside his head

Scared and hurt he looked around
Looking up at us he frowned
Fought his tears away and ran so far to […]

11/2/2015 0 comment

Cant fix this.

by Romanticide 10/25/2015

written by Romanticide

Found it so difficult today. Have barely had the energy to move.

Slept most of the day managed to just about get myself showered and washed my hair. (After doing neither for 2 weeks…disgusting I know).

Feel like I could sleep for forever. Wouldnt that be nice? To not have to agonize over methods of suicide but to just fall to sleep and never wake up

I can’t silence the screams to jump, to crash my car, to cut so deep. The comfort I find in driving over a bridge, seeing a tall building or any other method of death is exhausting me.

I’m sorry for people reading this. […]

10/25/2015 5 comments

Newer Posts

Older Posts