I’m done trying to be an A student. I’m doing trying to be the perfect daughter. The amazing girlfriend. I’m done trying to be happy. I used to think that there was always something better but why look towards the future when you have to live in the present and your past always haunts. I’m tired of being terrified of my own father. I’m tired of putting on a fake smile everywhere I go. I’m not trying to complain but honestly, I haven’t felt this suicidal for a really long time. It feels like there is no hope left in the world. I don’t want […]
I have this one friend, that I really love, like I wouldn’t mind spending the rest of my life with her. I really want to spend the rest of my life with her actually.
But thing is that she’s depressed. She’s suicidal, and I want to help her but I don’t have a clue what to do, I’m afraid I might say the wrong things when I’m trying to help her. She told me she was about to be hospitalized for her depression and she doesn’t know how long she’ll be in there. I don’t know if she’ll have access to her phone and other stuff […]
Fisrt of all I’m not proud of this. I’ve never thought I would be publishing something in a page like this. I guess there’s a first time for everything.
Second, I’m spanish that’s why my grammar sucks, pretty much that.
I have no idea where should I start. I’ve been depressed for a lot of years, I tried to kill myself a couple of times but I didn’t suceed.
Background:
My parents are not together, they divorced when I was eight. My mother started returning really late from work, kids started bullying me at school, but I could handle it, until I was twelve. My father was getting married […]
I’m not sure where to start. But I feel like I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown. As I’m writing this I have tears coming out of my eyes. I’m not sure whether it is my mental state or the fact it is nearly 2 in the morning. But death is something I’ve wanted for a while over the course of my life. In primary school and I’m year 7 I was very lonely. I was liked by people but I had no friends. Even in some of year 8 in secondary school I still had very limited friends. At the start of year […]
I can’t believe I am at this place in life. I have always had depression issues. However; I worked very hard with therapy and medication and was able to build a normal life. I live close to the beach, have a good job, in shape etc etc. I met woman and we fell in love. Everything was going finally going well. The one week after my 42 birthday I started having erectile dysfunction issues. I have been to all the doctors, tried all the fixes, and nothing is working. The last year and half have been a living nightmare. My body has changed significantly and […]
I turned eighteen almost a month ago, and I had been in a remission type deal from my Major depressive Disorder for about six months. Until last week. I feel no motivation to do anything. It takes so much effort to take a shower at night, I went from taking full showers at night, to half showers (standing in the corner of the tub and just washing my hair), and then to saying “I’ll just take one in the morning” and end up allowing all three of my alarms to go off and hopping in the shower to wash my hair five minutes before I […]
Who else here, has had so many mental disorders since childhood, that you never really developed an actual personality? You don’t have one, because you never even had a chance at one. Having just a a strange slew of symptoms. Personality? you don’t have one only having a strange slew of never ending symptoms that make your head spin and turn. They say healing things like depression that the goal is to “get back to your old self”, but I don’t have anything to go back to. Just static nothingness.
I’ve spend every fucking of my life wanting to die. I’m only 13 and I’ve dealt with a lot. So where should I start? How about when my father left my mother because she was pregnant, because he was married. My mother of coarse didn’t know, she isn’t a homewrecker. But he didn’t want me, and my mother didn’t even know about be until she was over 6 months pregnant. She didn’t show and still got her period, when she did show she went to the doctor and they told her she was pregnant. She didn’t want me either, but she kept me. The only […]
Let’s be real, I’m not going anywhere. This is the end of the goddamn line for me. I’m not talking about death. I’m not about to half-ass attempt to kill myself again, even though the thought is always appealing. No, I’ve just reached the peak of my fucking life. This is as far as I’m going to get.
Just gonna make like the captain of the Titanic and go down with this fucking ship. The ship being my life in this case. I’ll just sink until I miraculously pull a lifeboat out of my ass and float away from this fuck-all ocean of self-pity and misery […]
I lost my baby within three years of her birth. Before that, I was moderately depressed. Once in a while I would break down into tears, I was even afraid to look in the mirror. I’ve seen myself as a monster most of my life. If not I as a monster, then I as someone surrounded by them. I’ve been married to my husband for quite a while now, I love him dearly but his depression only piles onto mine. He’s put a gun to his head around 238 times now, once just recently. He pulled the trigger all but that last time, all bullets […]
Yeah…that pretty much sums it up…
A few days ago, a classmate noticed the cuts on my wrist.
Today, a friend of mine saw the cuts too.
I told them it was nothing, that I only got them for being mean to cats (Don’t get me wrong, I love cats.). I know what I said was such an awful thing to say especially when even you can see the truth beyond your own lie. It’s just that I couldn’t quite think of anything to use as an alibi anymore.
I’m afraid sooner, more people would start to notice the slashes on my wrist and think I’m a weirdo, or worse they might think I’m someone […]
Last year, I started suffering from depression.
Last week, I started cutting.
Last day, I cried and told myself how ugly the wounds look.
I’m not used to seeing my left wrist so jagged and so scarred.
Is it normal to love and hate cutting both at the same time?
To love and to hate. Two contradicting things I always seem to clash together.
Would a person die when he’s dead?
Or would he only feel more pain?
I knew I’m already suffering from depression a year ago but it’s only last week that I started to hurt myself physically. It just happened. I don’t even know when or how something sharp came into my hand to slit my wrists. All I know is that I shove it on my skin and felt the burning pain beneath. And that it felt so good. To finally feel the pain. To finally divert my attention on my bleeding wrist rather than what I feel inside.
It was the time my brother came to yell […]
A poem written by me during my darkest moments.
Behind the closed door
Behind the closed door
Lies a girl who hides her pain
Buried in so much sorrow
All hope is being drained
Behind the closed door
Lies a girl practicing to smile
To hide the truth from everyone
A mask in which will only stay for a while
Behind the closed door
Lies a girl with cuts that bleed red
From unbearable sadness
She’s only hanging by a thread
Behind the closed door
Lies a girl who could no longer cry
She starts thinking
How will she say goodbye?
Behind the closed door
Lies a girl perfectly still
Who lost all hope
Who lost all will
Behind the closed door
Was where a girl once used […]
Let me first say my thoughts are on the racing side today. I can’t get them ordered, and I’m going ramble.
First I have Bipolar II Disorder, and I’ve dealt with depression since as young as sixteen years old. Motivation is the hardest thing to come by these days. Now I’ve been in recovery for a year and have started to search for a job. I’ve had a few interviews, and one was super promising, but after a background check decided not to go through with it. That was disappointing, and little worrisome but I’m trying to move one. The trouble is this, I’m struggling to […]
Can’t think of a good title..
Anyhow, the consensus is that life is so fucking god awful that I can’t even kill myself to help out.
There’s so much awful shit going on. Where do I begin? Oh. Well, my grandparents both have cancer now.
My parents have been trying to help by sending healthy foods to them when they have been devouring shit food all their lives. But they still sneak around to other family members and let them buy them junk food..( I can’t help people who don’t want to help themselves.) They’re waiting on a […]
I keep telling myself they love me, but in the back of my mind my brain is telling me no they don’t. Maybe that’s why i’m suicidal? I dunno. I just wish I could be happy, but it is as if my body won’t let me. Sigh. I’m sure no one will read this, no one ever seems to notice me. Just like all my other cries, this will sink down into the abyss of which I call my sadness. 🙁 Well, I guess only meds and cuts can put a smile on my face… (15 F)
I feel so alone, as if I am not good enough.
Today I almost suffocated from my own self-hate. Sigh, not literally, metaphorically. There were so many people in the bathroom all of a sudden and I could not cry, I had to hold it in for approximately ten minutes while they fussed over their picture.
I have always had depression; never fully diagnosed, but you know, when you have something like depression it lingers and consumes you, eventually. Ive recently gone through what is the most traumatic experience of my life, last week my partner passed away, age 28.
Since his passing, I haven’t been able to eat or sleep properly, I wake up with stiffness and pain all over my body and I have lost so much weight because I cant stomach anything. I have anxiety attacks when I think about the funeral and even just walking on the street or waking up seems to put me in a panic […]