After putting a gun to my head yesterday I decided to go see my psychiatrist today. Â I called the ombudsman in my area about his lack of ethical behavior earlier this year. Â After 4 months, the case was assigned a ‘resolved’ status without my knowledge. Â I MADE THE FUCKING COMPLAINT!!! Â How can it be resolved without me even being notified? Â The agency has lied to the ombudsman from day one and she told me that they told her the situation had been resolved. Â I asked her what the resolution was cause I sure wasn’t included in that decision. Â The agency told the ombuds that they […]
Tag:
Depression
I’ve been in depression since I was around 3 years old.
I’ve never had anyone by my side to help me.
I’m different to all people my age.
They’re all loving those bands or actors or whatever.
I love history.
And sadly, that love has lead to worse things.
I feel madly in love with a person.
I am fine with it.
Nobody else is.
They can’t accept me for who I am.
I have no true friends.
Nobody will miss me if I go.
Ok… I have made an attempt to hang myself few weeks ago and I did not have the courage to step down the chair I was on…. If only I could do it, I would not be suffering today. Yesterday, I started a blog where I write all I feel about suicide and my depression. http://notgosuicide.blogspot.ca/
I am so disappointed that I do not have support from my family (wife especially). She (like most of the people) does not understand that I am not selfish neither I do it in purpose to be such depressed. All she says is that she’s fed up and tired (ok, […]
I’m 23 years old.
In two week I’m getting kicked out of college. I allowed my depression to take over my life to the point where I couldn’t get out of bed for class, I would sleep for days and not do my homework. Now, after months on probation, I’m actually getting kicked out.
I have no where to go. I can’t bear the thought of telling my family that I was so stupid I got kicked out.
My entire identity and life is tied up in going to school (for math). This is all I’ve ever envisioned in my life. I don’t know what else to do […]
We are the future of us all
we are the generation who is destined to fall
we are the present’s invokable call
we can’t be heard through the last generations wall
we destroy ourselves without remorse
we set sail on an unchangeable course
our parents have made us who we are
they have locked us up behind concrete and bar
suicide and drugs seem our only escape
we all go out with chalk lines and yellow tape
all victims of depression and anger
some are popular some the more stranger
we all grow up whether we want to or not
because […]
It all hit me. I was at coffee with my friend, and all of the sudden it all hit me – the depression, the urge to kill myself, for all of this to end.
I have no purpose, I see no tomorrow, I see no future. I just want to die, so fucking badly.
I’m living but I don’t feel like I am. I just want to fucking die! Why can’t I? Why can’t some car hit me and I’d die? Why can’t something happen and my life would end? I have no purpose. I feel like a puppet doing stuff only because I am told I […]
So, here it goes: I’m a failure. I didn’t pass one freaking exam this semester.
Consequence: I get my money cut off. So now I won’t have money for cigarettes, coffee, an occasional night out – pretty much all the little things that were keeping me alive.
I can’t kill myself yet. My mom is not strong enough to be able to take it yet. So that will have to wait for a little bit – no matter how much I wish I could do it now.
Solution: Get a Job. So I’m leaving in a little bit to try and go get job at the casino – […]
Lately, I noticed that when people compliment me for good jobs I did or for how well I look, my response is rather non-eventful, not even a “thank you” or “I appreciate it”..
It is like my mind responds with either “mm…okay” or “mm sure” And I did not continue or dwell any further on that subject. The person who complimented me also noticed my non-response, so the subject was rather short-lived. I realize that I acted like a jackass and send them a signal not to compliment me anymore. Maybe I truly don’t care or maybe I stopped feeling.
But the truth is.. Do I like […]
Hi, I’m a new user here.. I found this site about a week ago and I was really afraid to post on here but here I go…
I’m a fourteen year old girl who suffers right side hempledgia (weakness all down my right side) and it also comes along with depression. (and anger issues but shh..)
I know some of you are thinking I’m some wannabe emo kid but I’ve kind of been kicked off of those sites for being too “soft” or what not. But I’m just here because I feel like I’m not alone.
And trust me I feel alone all the time, I […]
Somebody in my philosophy class last semester suggested that maybe life is hell. She said, look at all the suffering and pain, doesn’t it seem sort of hellish the things that so many people have to go through? I didn’t know what to think then but now I believe her. This feels like hell, it hurts like hell. The emotional pain I have experienced as a result of depression is absolutely indescribable. There are no words. The feeling of wanting to die is so strong at times that it terrifies me. I know I am capable of acting on it. But I can’t, because I […]
I want to say I just have feelings of tremendous love for each and everyone of you. You are so real, so in touch with truth, so in touch with your feelings, and that is so so special. I can relate to all the pain, the sorrows and depression you’ve been so kind to share on here. Hugs to you all, and I’ve joined to be with you all on our life journeys to survive the darkness and hopefully see it lift, no matter how much fighting it involves, no matter how dark and how hard, we can get up when we […]
Over the course of my short 26 years of life, I have attempted suicide on no less than 8 occasions.
From the age of 11, I was bullied at school, tormented and tortured by grown men who’d wait for me after school and not to mention the troubles I was working through at home and struggling to admit the fact that I am gay, even to myself.
All of this plus a few other reasons landed me in therapy.
From the age of 11 onwards I saw one psychotherapist after another and I’ve been on so many medications that it’s hard to be certain of the exact number. […]
I’m scared to get help for my depression. Â I know I should but I hate asking for help, especially when I know it will disappoint my friends and family. Â Barely anyone knows about my depression and those who do don’t ever mention it–as if it’s the plague–or are no longer in my life. Â I’ve posted my story in it’s entirety on this website before, but since that night I’ve been struggling with whether or not to get help.
I’ve come to the realization that living with these suicidal thoughts will probably never go away. This is my first time trying out an online community for suicide/depression or what have you because I feel I am running out of options. I feel I have no one who I can talk to in my life about these issues due to the deep shame that comes with them. Even though I feel I have a good support system, I don’t like feeling like I’m burdening those I love with all this I go through on a daily basis.
Getting to the point, I’ve realized that I am too scared to actually […]
I’ve had depression since I was around 10 years old. My father used to bash me for every little thing, whilst my mother would just sit, watch and laugh. It’s been some years now, my parents did however get better, BUT that’s only after I finally grew the courage to tell the police, anyways just two days ago, I celebrated my 19th birthday, I thought about killing myself at the end of the night, but couldn’t mostly because 3 of my friends were with me till morning. Anyways, I try to move on, every day, but the memories always haunt me, and it’s not only […]
So I’ve started with medication since thursday. I take Rubió (better known as Ritalin or methylphenidate/MPH/MPD) 5mg twice a day (at 8.30 am and at 12.30 pm) always after my meal. But since thursday I feel really sick. My stomach hurts (not my belly, but my tummy) and my intestine also, it feels like it’s kind of restless. I also feel the whole time like I have to vomit. I only eat my breakfast and lunch and dinner, and take my medication after my meals. I have a very bad headache and I’m scared that I can pass out every minute. Does anybody here have […]
At Age ten I lost connection with the world when I started talking again to my father who was in jail at the time and I haven’t seen in person at the age of four before we moved from our Arizona home all the way to North Carolina. I was told but my mom that she can’t trust me and that I had betrayed her. Our relationship has plummeted to the ground. As I type this shes sitting across the room looking at me every once and a while at me wondering what I’m typing, and she’s probably thinking real hard about something stupid because I’ve lost the love towards her. My step dad whose been put trough […]
I’ve been reflecting on a friendship that I ended 11 months ago due to my depression, at the time I thought that I was doing what was best for me while trying to keep them in mind but now I realize the effect it had on them, at the time I made the decision to end our friendship because I felt like I didn’t want to bring my negativity around them and bring them down but now I realize why it hurt because they felt like I didn’t like them I made a promise to myself that once I got rid of my problem I […]
About three years ago is when I first felt unhappy. I was in high school, had a girlfriend, was president of the film club, but I wasn’t happy. I just felt like there had to be more to life and that going away to college the next year would really open my eyes to the wonder and power off the “real world.” So I moved as far away from home as I could, to Colorado. At college I got into the drug scene really quick, I managed to stay away from most of the hard stuff but a lot of my new found and still […]
Well this is basically an update of how i’ve been and where i’m at in life. I have turned 15 and my depression is eh more or less better, it isn’t as constant as before and now it’s more of a few days a week or so. My mother has found out i self-harmed and has told my doctor which created a huge shit storm that included me talking to a social worker and seeing a psychologist. Well i saw this psychologist and it was not what i thought it would be. She was very nice and fairly young and i went once a week for […]