I am 20 and a student at stevens institute of technology for mechanical engineering. i dont know why i feel like this, it all started last year around christmas time. i began to feel very depressed but i treated it like everything else about me i dont like, i covered it up. It escalated over that semester and through the summer. now im in my third semester and im slipping to the point of failure in every class. if i dont pass all of these classes i will be asked to not return to the school, which is not an option. Ive pledged a fraternity and they […]
Tag:
Disappointment
I’m 19 and I wanted to be writer for the last five years, but the path I chose to become a writer was a very different one. This, in return, was not liked by my parents or anyone around me. I didn’t chose anything bad; it was just nontraditional, thus making me a heretic. I can’t blame my parents or anyone else for caring about me too much but when they stopped me from walking on that path I realized that I can’t become a writer anymore because I just don’t want to.
I don’t want to die because I’m tired or depressed. (Albeit, I’m […]
I’m fed up of broken promises of ‘when you move to X, things will get better’. I moved schools three times (once in year 8, then again in year 12). It never got better. Now I’m at uni and I was lured in with that same stupid lie. It isn’t better here. If anything it’s worse. I’ve already overdosed here, unfortunately failing. I’m just fed up and lonely and at the end of a thin rope. I’m ready to snap.
There are times when I feel like a normal person. I’m happy at work, home and out with my friends. I feel like I’m an attractive young 25 year old girl (as long as I stay away from the mirror). And I’m truly happy. Proud of myself for overcoming my depression and thoughts of fading away. I’m high above despair and I feel normal. Not like a superhero, just a normal functioning person.
And then I’m reminded of how little I matter. How wrong I am. How much of a disappointment I am. How inadequate I am. I begin to hear the silence again. And the […]
Dear Mum,
If you find this, damn your lucky. You probably don’t even know this site exists, and now I’m writing on it.
When I said I wasn’t bothered about not being with him anymore, I lied. I cried myself to sleep every night and continue to do so until this day even thou its so far on. I’m forced to see his face everyday, he’s befriended my enemy, and when I say I don’t like that girl, I mean she wrecked everything, she found out my darkest secrets, twisted them to make them ten times worse and exposed them to everyone. Now I see them everyday, […]
hello, well i recently lost my sick daughter. i knew she was going to die eventually but i didn’t want it to be through suicide. i feel so upset and ashamed that i wasn’t there for her. I’m the worst mother in the world and i did not deserve to have such a beautiful and kind kid. i got a letter and some of it was,
dear mum I’m sorry i have been such a disappointment i didn’t mean to. why did you never understand? but none of this is your fault and i will always love you.
she said more but its too heartbreaking. i miss […]
As soon as I am old enough I am going to admit myself into a mental institution so I don’t do anything that will make me even more of a disappointment to others. I have accepted that everyone hates me and my aunt is too kind to throw me out herself. I even accept that secretly my dad probably drank himself to death because he hated me and couldn’t stand me. I know everyone loves my sister and brothers more. I also know that if/when I kill myself noone will care or be sad. This is probably my last entry so for everyone that hates […]
Im not going to do my usually ten thousand words of deep shit. I just want to spill the facts. I’m a girl, I lost my first love, I can’t stop thinking about him, I have next to no friends, my parents hate me and say I’m a disappointment, I tried suicide and I do self harm.
I just want to enjoy life again.
I know the first step is getting over my ex. Im working on that, I’d love to cut him out of my life but I am forced to see him everyday so it will take a lot longer than most people. How the […]
I’m tired of everything, I’m tired of putting a smile in front of everyone like if I was really happy, of pretending that I’m happy. I’m tired of feeling like I’m a failure and seeing the disappointment in my moms eyes, but she still smiles beacuse I’m her daugther, beacause I will never be as good a her, as my sister. That I don’t see a brilliant future for me, that I’m always going to be so insignificant, so worthless, and I wish I didn’t think about how them, about hou my family is going to feel if I died, and just think of myself.
So […]
I think disappointment is the worst thing to hear… When my mom says she is disappointed in me and yells at me for the smallest mistakes it hurts. I feel like I can’t do anything right and the one person who I thought was on my side isn’t. I have a lot of good days, but today is a bad day. I know that this isn’t how a mother should treat her child but there is nothing I can do and there is no why out of this.
Hi,
let me get straight to the point im a normal boy who is determined to have something that satisfy me. I was sponsored in a university i left my country 3wks ago and i arrived in a different world so when i got in i had one thing in my mind (i am number one). Then those goofs said that i should take theology i protested by saying i am not interested with islamic theology. I called my parents they were dissapointed but they said (study my son i know u can do this) i accepted it and another shocking news is that i […]
Just a shitty day… or a couple.
A day like today where I wake up feeling okay, and then I start thinking about all the things I’ve ever done wrong. And then I start thinking about how I’m a shitty person. And then, on top of that, I feel like I have zero things to offer. I try so fucking hard to be good at things, at art, at programming… I’m in college, getting decent grades and busting my ass… But I hate everything I’ve ever done. I’ve never accomplished anything and I feel worthless. I’m a huge sagging disappointment to myself. I feel ugly; I […]
I keep praying to God for him to kill me …. but he doesn’t … you want to know what i have to say about that – WHY THE HELL NOT??? i mean i guess i have talent ( i mean second place in nationals in piano is definently something to brag about) BUT my parents treat me like a trophy … I HATE IT HERE … but i can’t kill myself or i will burn in hell , doesn’t God understand this .. i don’t wanna live on earth anymore , why does he keep me here … i hate it … I’ll always […]
So basically, right now, I really do not see the point in me living any more, trying any more, even breathing anymore.
It all started to happen, when on day, my so called ‘bestfriend’ (Let’s call her beth) pretty much decided to stop liking me. But, i NEVER did anything to her.  I never bitched about her, never betrayed  her, I was a true best friend. She started telling a few people she don’t like me. Those people are my close friends, so they told me obviously. Now, I don’t have twitter, but she does. My other best friend (let’s call her Amy) does have twitter, […]
Okay, well this is my story..
I’m quite young and I’m broken. I’m depressed and suicidal, clearly.. and i selfharm. I put on the fakest smile every single day. I’m miserable, I just want to be dead, to be free, to be happy. I have tried to take my own life many times, I don’t really have a massive story. But my depression has taken over me, my self eestem is horrible, I can’t leave the house without crying, I’m horribly fat and aswell so ugly. I hate leaving the house because I usually don’t have the nicest clothes because i’m not rich, my family struggles […]
I’ve put a lot of effort into doing right by the people I’m close to. I have been far from perfect in those efforts. Mostly I’ve failed entirely. I guess the thing is, though, that I’ve tried to mend every mistake I’ve made. I’ve apologized, acknowledged my screw-ups and done my best to avoid future incidents.
In times when I haven’t been the one to screw up, I’ve been too forgiving of people. People who have decided that I am the kind of person who can toyed with, walked all over, and left to wait endlessly for fulfillment. People always let you down. That’s what I’ve […]
Random Reminiscing , cos’ I let mom read the instructions..
(just like the bubble gum components being molded by our mouth, exchanging places to nowhere )
My clothes, school books, mags, and other toys for big men were designated to be inherited by my close relatives. I really thought she would be happy when she realizes my breathing identity is about to disappear from this lively planet, instead she scolded me, saying I had to help my brothers raise their family. So I wondered again, Am I really just the one selfish? or does it just runs in the family? Nah, we were programmed both from our […]
Feel horrible today. I walked out on my job, because I couldn’t stand the bullying anymore, and I know I shouldn’t have to. Doesn’t change the fact that my friend had to pay my rent this month, and I need a job to pay bills. Makes me feel guilty as hell… I’ve never taken money from anyone. Now I’m just sick. I have no idea how I will face my boss, or how I will get the motivation and the courage to go out and look for another job.. this one was bad enough. Can’t even keep a shit job. What’s the point, I think… […]
not to kill me but to save me, i wish i had such thing but i have no motivation, i was so close yesterday but backed down yet again:/ i can think of reasons to actually do it, yet that damn whatever keeps pulling me back to fuckin earth, and no reason to save me whats the point to keep going? there isnt one, not one. im a disappointment to my WHOLE family, there isnt a light at the end of this tunnel its a tunnel of eternal darkness every step i make its ganna just stretch and stretch and never will i find my […]
I live a life, yet I feel like I do not truly hold an important existence. All I am is an immense disappointment, a big burden, & faith put to waste. I have felt worthless and invisible in society ever since I was a little child, and I have worked so hard to overcome that, yet I have just landed right back into that same dilemma and loneliness. In so many ways, I am still that lonely, confused, and lost child I was then, yet unlike then, there just is no hope for me now. Change just is not possible.
One of the biggest issues in my […]