I fucked up again, this girl emily (who i like) cut her wrist open again and i was the cause of it. I got drunk last night and told her she was just like my ex and that she didn’t a shit what she does to people and then she told “Meris. Before I go, you forgot where you met me. you met me at my worst but i covered it so well. i’m lying in a pool of my own blood and all i want to do is thank you for reminding me why i tried the first time” Â I told her from the […]
Tag:
done
Been over a week since my last poem so thought it was time to do a new one.
Once again, inspired by a conversation I’d had with another SP member, and once again one that I think needs to be built on – still feels a little unfinished to me.
Like always, the poem is beneath the audio.
I Get It
When I read the news and see the tales of all the people that were brave enough to muster the strength it takes to pay their dues, take flight, let go and say their last goodnight,
I feel hypocritically sad for them, I feel that they shouldn’t have.
I wish I could have some sort of authority. I do well with power, I get things done. Everything is about control. Everything  is about power. It’s all about who listens to you, who you listen to, and how shit gets done.
She’s in a Forrest, stripped and scared
walking on the bones of  people, who cared.
Spinning around in circles, she finds herself alone
running away from the thought, that she’s now on her own
A job well done, she’s killed everyone around
now she’s begging to just hear a  single sound
sticks may break, and stones may fall
but with the wounds in tact, she might as well crawl
No road to be found, No people to save
and they told her if she didn’t stop, she would be digging her own grave.
but she didn’t listen  and she didn’t care
now she was wishing, everybody was […]
if someone gave me a gun right now, i wouldn’t even hesitate to shoot myself.
i was on a bridge earlier just looking down, i hadnt even decided whether i wanted to jump or not. im an alcoholic and was in a serious state as i suffer from anxiety and depression. as i was looking down, crying, someone who i had never even seen before drove past and shouted out there car to me, they told me to jump. i really didnt know what to do after that. i eventually managed to get home but all i have done since is drink, and im scared
Almost a year, time is passing and I’m stuck here waiting for I-dunno-what to accomplish my plan.
Months , crying, hurting myself, blaming myself, feelin’ sorry for myself, suffering for the choices I’ve made, suffering for the things I’ve done and hating every fuckin’ part of me.
There are things in my life I can’t change, I refuse to deal with that.I’m NOT STRONG ENOUGH, and there’s nothing wrong with that, IT’S OK GIVING UP SOMETIMES!.
It’s ok.
I just gave up, just gave up.
Planned my suicide, everything is settled down, I’ve got what I needed, I’m supposed to kill myself last month, but […]
I’m sorry I try to help others but I’m in the same boat!
I have my frustrations as well 🙁 it isn’t like it used to be ïŒ
The things I enjoyed have lost their luster!
Sex for example, yes I loved sex ok I love it a lot! But it isn’t like it used to be :(ïŒ
The naïve thoughts, the excitement! Have lost the shine, oh I’m not saying I don’t enjoy it :)ïŠ
But I’ve done it so many times this way that way, hell I belong to the mile high club! :)Try doing that today! Ha ha! Well I won’t go […]
I really don’t know what I expect to hear, but things are so hard.
I don’t want to say I am depressed. I just act depressed, but I don’t think I am really depressed, because my daily life is not crippled yet. Might be heading there though.
I was doing just fine. About to graduate school, stressed out because I was going to go into the real world and get ready to find a job in my field. Loans were about to kick back, but my little part time was enough.
My boyfriend was with me, so was my mother, father, friends, co-workers, advisers, professors, friends of friends. […]
for some reason. the music artist Eminem knows exactly what to say.
hes a roll model to me.
i dont care about his past. and things that he has done.
he just gets to ppl. (i think)
hes the only person that knows how to keep my head up
i just listin to his music and listin to see what he went through and i think to my self i dont have that and if he can keep everything going then can i.
he talks about his life. and how he gets through it telling you to keep your head up to. and gives advise!
if […]
i tired of trying to make things work when you dont even try anymore.
ill iv done is cry
go to sleep sad
and wake up the same way
iv givin up
im tired
youv only left me with a broken heart and i dont see why im with you still.
I’ve had so many opportunities these past couple months to end it, but I keep dragging my feet. Not hanging on for things to get better, I’m not that naive. But the finality of the whole thing makes me apprehensive. I’m the one that’ll be successful on the first try, I’m aware of this.
With the clock ticking, I wish I would’ve done it sooner. The longer I wait, the more I cringe that I’m still here.
Fuck, mornings are the worst. Opening my eyes and realizing I didn’t try the night before. Then the long days that lead into night….the pattern has gone on long […]
this has happened once before
the world is closing another door
perhaps tonight
I’ll lose this never ending fight
my wrists will bleed
but done is the deed
I won’t cry this time
my dear, I am not fine
i wish you only knew
what I’ve been going through
don’t you dare pretend you miss me
the hour here is three
and I’m waving goodbye
see you on the flip side
ever have those days where you don’t even know what to post, or what to ask for? you just kinda wanna button-mash and be done with it? well…
alg ;fj;aedaog;hhvgoihareh’po9u)(*^*%&KH;iohj;oiyauehiaf.
yeah
Title says it all. Worthless. Im done.
but I am hurting, I’m hurting so bad that I do whatever it takes to shut everything off. I want to die so bad, and everyday some part of me tries to talk me out of it. I know I get it I truly honestly do you have to live for yourself make yourself happy do things you want. But I don’t care about myself I don’t love myself so its hard for me it really is. I self destruct, I give up, I have never truly done anything solely because I wanted to. I have done nothing but hurt myself, I have so much […]
I don’t know. I’ve been having anxiety and depression episodes since I don’t know when. When i left high school i started to study. During my studies I broke down and my parents told me i do not need to study, i can just get a job and be done with it. But even then I was shit scared about the idea of real job. So I went back to the studies because I’d still feel shit while studying but at least I would not have to think about getting a real job. So the years went on and I got my first degree and […]
I’ve started outlining my memoir. Finally, I’ve gotten going on this and I didn’t have to quit my job or quit school to do it. I’ll just add a little bit to the memoir project every day until it’s done. When it’s done… Then I’m going to get all my loved ones to hate me (so that killing myself will be that much easier). And when I’ve accomplished that, then I can shoot myself without having to think twice and thankfully, the memoir/very long suicide note will be there to explain my behavior.
I’ve lost you and have thus, lost the only person I used to really matter to. How […]
ok i typed a book here a bit ago, but apparently it was in the wrong place. Â figures.. Â ok breifly now then here is my story so yall can tell me i have so much to live for.
have never completed any thing. Â highschool i got my ged, army i took medical discharge, college went for 1 semester got screwed by student loans and now 7 years later i still owe 3x the original ammountand my tax returns for the last 5 years have been taken to go towards paying them. Â the longest ive ever had the same job is 1year. Â ive been homeless3-9 months out […]
pure empty awareness no self transcendent infinite skylike mind indestructible primordial eternal peace that your true self or ur reborn as a fkin ignorant worm dont roll the dice with the youniverse remove those created barriers and become free <3