    I’m scared. I have a new boyfriend who is exactly the perfect guy of my dreams, but I’m scared of getting close with him. I’m to scared to really open up to him, he knows about my past of burning but he said that he figured it was something he didn’t need to mess with so he didn’t, I have been feeling the same worthless, useless, empty pain inside lately and I want to mention it to him but, hes so reserved I don’t want to scare him away. Usually I would talk to my friends but they have their own problems […]
Tag:
Dreams
Tired of this life, and all that is. One simple thing, a single wish. Dreamt of blood, a thousand screams. Every night, these are my dreams. One simple thing, my only wish. Knife in hand, I cannot miss. But I shan’t, commit this sin. She’ll hold me back, again and again. The one and only…. Sorry.. Hope this didn’t bore or waste any your time of you happened to read this. Goodnight. I love you all.
Litany of my faults
I’m vain, despotic, blasphemous;
proud, haughty, ungrateful, scornful;
but still retain rose complexion.
The fire of hell burns me.
Cut glass is my system.
I’m egotistical, cold, tumultuous.
I break like fragile butterfly.
I myself have built my curse.
I’m perverse, wicked, vindictive.
It provided my blood and fugitive.
My thoughts are very taciturn.
My dreams of sin are nocturnal.
I’m hysterical, crazy, insane;
but to eternity and sentenced.
(Pita Amor, 1987)
LetanÃa de mis defectos
Soy vanidosa, déspota, blasfema;
soberbia, altiva, ingrata, desdeñosa;
pero conservo aún la tez de rosa.
La lumbre del infierno a mà me quema.
Es de cristal cortado mi sistema.
I dont even know why Im writing this. Im pretty sure it wont help but I have to try something… I am suicidal but you know the worst part.. I dont even have the balls to commit suicide.. I guess I should explain myself but i really dont know how to structure this.. So im just going to ramble.
I’m 23 years old and I’m from India. Right from my childhood I’ve had a sense of fear in me that never leaves me. Guess its all cause of my father. He used to beat my mother and sister and I used to cower in fear, just […]
I’m 13 years old. I would tell you my name, but being new here, I don’t know if I can trust you all to that extent yet. Normally, I post poems that reflect how I feel at the moment, or how I felt throughout the day, but right now I’d like to get a few things off my chest. I’ve told a few of my friends some of this before, but no one knows all of it at its worst. I feel as though I can trust all of you with at least this, even if I don’t know you. So here it goes.
My story:
For you,
I would climb any mountain.
I would cross any river.
I would navigate through any desert.
I would go through anything,
for you.
For you,
I would walk a thousand miles.
I would limp a thousand miles.
I would even crawl a thousand miles.
I would do it on hot coals.
I would do it on ice.
I would do anything,
for you.
For you,
I would love no other.
You are my entire world.
But you don’t care.
I would cross the world for you,
but you wouldn’t take a single step for me.
So why do I keep coming back?
Because I would […]
Let me live again
Let me dream of how things were
Let life be my grass I walk on
Looking for a place to stay free
(You still did this to me)
Let me be the only thing I dream big dreams for
Let my heart grow strong against love
Where you could never last past the moment
That many men crushed me daily
(You were everything to me)
Ugh, let my hands gently lift my hair
Slowly pulling it back revealing my eye
Black and blue among other colors that leak through
But for some odd reason
I just can’t let go
(There’s never been happiness,
Nor real love […]
It was only the first time.
I spun the blade around in my hands
contemplating if I should really do this or not.
I heard my mom yell.
Yes, I should, It’s worth it.
The blade sank into my arm,
cutting across my arm.
Not too deep.
It was only the second time.
The kids at school were bullies.
My parents just got mad.
I took the blade in my hands.
I didn’t even think about it.
I pushed it into my arm,
cutting across parallel to the last one,
A little deeper.
It was at least the 50th time.
I didn’t even have different reasons anymore.
Haven’t been on this site for awhile. I was hoping not to come back, but I guess it was unavoidable.
I have a wife, a kid, a car, a mortgage. My wife has dreams. Wife makes twice as much as I do, and I am constantly between jobs. I have no dreams or hopes. I am trying really hard to hold on to my sanity and my job (as both a father and employee) but it is not working anymore and I am tired. I want to get the hell out of here.
I know very well that if I kill myself or divorce, I will destroy […]
well this is my story…
i am 18. i am no longer in school bc i feel victim to a sexual predator when i was 16/17….my “best friend” gave him $100 for my number.. he sent me so much shit that i just couldnt deal w/ it….i have been depressed before and attempted to kill myself before, but this was different. i took 45 benadryl and hoped to never wake up….sad fact is, my life is still worse
before this i had a girfriend. we had sex and well she became pregnant. i was nervous as all heck but i was almost overjoyed to be a father […]
To be honest I don’t know why I put up an act and lie that I’m happy. I’m not. Maybe one day but I don’t know my future it’s not clear to me why my life is filled with so much hate regret and sorrow. I don’t know how to tell them that I’ve not been okay I hate to see the worry in my mom’s eyes and the guilt that my dad has. It’s just to much for them to take.. Sitting here in silence and not being able to talk or cry and hug my mom. I came to realize that they have […]
My life…..its miserable…why…..because I am alone…I used to have a loving mother and dad…..three brothers and a sister…I used to be happy….
Now…..
I am sad…..all the time, and the worst part….whoever does truly see my torn heart….usually never talk to me again…”Your too depressing” or “I’m sorry but I want to have a Happy friend”…..no one takes my hand…I ask for help..i plead…with my eyes….I’m dying inside….I try to scream ” Help me…I can’t take this no more….”
I hate my appearance the most…..doesn’t everyone like me hate the same thing…. I hate people…they stab you in the back…it […]
A girl falls, brakes her leg, and can never walk again. Does anybody care other then her parents? No. One rumour about something that didn’t even happen gets spread and suddenly she’s labeled whore for the rest of her school years. No matter how much of a goodie two shoes she is, the name will stick to her.
For years to come shell sit alone in a dark corner looking back at the bleak rumour that started it all. Blood runs down as she takes a few more pills. She can’t take this anymore. She doesn’t want to. She wish’s it would all just go […]
Hi,
My username is an anagram so if any of you care to do a little word play, you can figure out my real name, but thats not why I am here. I am here to tell you, the reader, a story. A story about me and why I want to die, yet cannot achieve presently.
I was born January 25, 1987. My mother was a drunk at the time and my father was smoking crank. I am the result of a one night stand. An accident turned paternal, if you will. My very first thought, I remember, was when I was still an infant, unable to […]
Words do not express, for my emotions run wild
I feel confusion and hate, but mostly just denial.
I need help.
I’ve slipped into this pit more than once in my life
but for the first time I don’t have the strength to make it alright.
I have done this to myself, this disease is now me
I am not a thinker, a lover or you’re friend.
I am my addiction which has no end.
I am it, and it is me. One cannot set the other free.
I lay in this bed in a room filled with sadness
and think back on my life […]
Carry me home or just carry me away
Away from the horrors my own have seen
Carry me so far away my demons loose my track
The sea mends the shore’s broken sand
Just as you healed the wounds I caused with my hands
But now the memories seem like fog in the distance
Vague in my memory and my existence
But tell me my love? Does your mind ever tempt you?
Tempt to you go backwards?
To push rewind regardless of how much fast forward is screaming your name?
To listen to the lullabies of hushed sleep we shared?
Or to the beat of my heart that you’ve claimed?
Tell me dear, does the wind whisper […]
I hate myself. I hate myself so much. I want to die, truly I do. I dream of plunging a knife into my gut and slipping into ethereal darkness. My brain delights in torturing me and I just don’t want to go on like this. I’m trying to help myself, but I am relapsing. My friends wouldn’t be able to help me, and I tend to think none of them would understand where I come from. My friend made a comment about overdosing on pills and a someone she hated, and I said ‘it’s not easy.’ A hint into my hidden past. She just called […]
If life is all about prosperity…!! others would suffer from worthlessness. i dont want prosperity and all the glamorous things. and also now this world is depends on things, materialistic things  &  materialists are every where. so, i have no hopes, things, dreams to live………..
So I’ve been dealing with depression for awhile, and it’s been in different forms each time if that makes sense? Like meaning the way I see myself and others around me. Beginning in highschool and through it I had a rough time dealing with others, by my junior year I was into death metal and planning on getting a gun to kill everyone in school. Even now I’m not as shaken by that statement as I should be and that’s what lead me to my next part of depression. By my second year of college I was alone, sure I had family and friends who would see me, sometimes […]
I feel so unsure about my life at the moment and I don’t know why.
I don’t know what to do after school and I am generally unsure about myself.
I am a 17, soon 18, year old male and I feel pretty much useless at the moment.
I have a great family and I don’t want to hurt them. I know that suicide will hurt them a lot because my uncle did it not too long ago…
I have never seen my grand parents so sad as they were after that. I just can’t stand the thought of doing that to my parents.
But at […]