Hi, my name is Tatyana, people call me tatty. As I was growing up everything seemed normal, mom always thought I had ADHD and everyone else said I was normal. But I wasn’t. My mom met the man ad her dreams, so she thought. He was nice, to her. Me.. Well he’d beat the hell out of me. He’s make me bleed, he smashed me so hard he got my blood on the wall and on my bed, I was only 5 years old. I’ve been in 8 foster homes. They were all horrible. Tryed killing myself when I was 7 I over dosed on […]
Tag:
Dreams
I hate this time of year. Then again I hate every day. It is all torture. From foster home to orphanage to terrible home I jump, waiting, praying till I turn 18. People tell me it gets better and i’ll b happy soon. But does it really and how do they know?
I was taken to a new home for this holiday season. The couple has lots of money and the mother is a doctor but she can’t have kids so she chose me. Lucky me right? No. I’d rather b a million other places. The one thing I can tell u about this house… the basement is cold […]
Alone In This Cruel World That So Many People Call Home While My Thoughts Brutally Attack Themselves
by Miss.Mayhem
written by Miss.Mayhem
I’ve attempted to write my suicide note. Or notes I should say. I’m not even done with the one to my love. It’s like 4 pages long already and not even close to being finished. Do I know if I’m going to commit suicide? No. I just want everything ready for when and if it does happen. I see it being a 30 to 70%. 30% being I won’t attempted it. The other 70% is I will. Probably not now but latter.
Tomorrow and Thanksgiving and I’m not sure what to be thankful for. My family resents me. My friends will eventually turn their backs on me. What’s […]
Just want to say to all who is in hard time at the moment, STAY STRONG, you were born to make a diference in this world.
You are just so much better than those people or things that upset you, who ignoring you, who or what makes you scared… There are people who love you and who DO care for you, they may be near, or you’ll meet them later in your life (you sure will), and they need you. Think about them. Do not be selfish. You are wonderful, beautiful and this world needs you!
Believe in yourself! I DO!
Read some books, look for answers, talk to somebody, look in to yourself, try […]
I still recall the taste of your tears
Echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears
My favorite dreams of you still wash ashore
Scraping through my head ’till I don’t want to sleep
Anymore
You make this all go away
You make this all go away
I’m down to just one thing
And i’m starting to scare myself
You make this all go away
You make this all go way
I just want something
I just want something I can never have
You always were the one to show me how
Back then I couldn’t do the things that I can do now
This […]
I wrote this song about bullying and suicide. I hope that you will like it and I hope that it will help to sooth and educate people on bullying and suicide. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kn9NaB43C8A
Used a razor blade for the first time, and let me tell you, it’s a far cry from my old blunt carving knife from my less than successful scout days.
I didn’t like it. I’ve been planning to kill myself with them, but… Cold feet again. I feel so disgusted. All these pathetic lines down my left arm, and for what? I can’t escape from here, I’m trapped. It was all just a pipe dream.
I just want to be safe. Safe and happy and oblivious. Dream pretty, achievable dreams. Forget I ever existed and become someone else. Someone who isn’t a complete idiot.
I mean all this […]
It doesn’t matter to the sun. If I go or if I stay. The sun will rise like its just another day. It doesn’t matter to the sun no it only matters to me. It doesn’t matter to the world if I jump or if I drown. It will just keep turning round, turning round like it did the day before. It doesn’t matter to the world no. It only matters to me. It doesn’t matter to the moon if I cry tonight alone. That moon will just keep hanging round, hanging round, shine on some other woman’s dreams. You see it doesn’t matter to […]
I am 28. I have no future. I quit college 2 times because of depression and lack of money. I come from abusive family. My father had taken  it out on me during almost all childhood. I’ve been depressed since adolescence. My dreams have fallen apart once I dropped out of university. I wanted to commit suicide but didn’t have enough courage. That was my only chance to get out of poverty and misery. I failed. I have failed so many times in my life… I have probably developed another mental issue after dropping out – ptsd. Each day.  Thoughts about failing at school keeps […]
Who was I, before I entered this maze,
Is not something that I will remember.
As I entered the war-maze,
There was only the life-threatening
Closeness between the enemy and me.
Even this, I will not realize.
After getting out of the maze
Even if I earn my freedom,
The maze by itself, will not change. Unaltered.
To die or to kill,
To be killed, or to take someone’s life,
Even this will not be decided.
As a man wakes from his sleep,
And starts to walk, he can never
Again, see the world of […]
My life drags on.. Day by day.. Night by night. The easiest I can make it is sleeping, dreaming, only the dreams sometimes brings nightmares. Can life really be this difficult? Is it really possible that souls can be so.. Broken, that the only way out is taking ones life? Was it necessary to even put the broken souls on earth to just suffer in silence? To cry themselves to sleep? To be so needy of death to save them..? Are tears even worth it? I can put ink on paper and still have nightmares about waking up. Life is displeasing. What if I left? […]
I’m nothing without you.
All my dreams and all the lights mean nothing without you.
I have only ever wanted one thing. It’s the only thing that I will never have.
In grade school, I was maybe seven years old, my teacher asked us to draw what we wanted to be when we grew up. I drew myself with a bunch of babies and kids running around and wrote “stay at home mom.” Now, I’d say my goals have changed considerably, I’d rather work than stay home, but I still have dreams about little green-eyed babies.
My freshman year of college I found out that I’ll never get those babies. I also found out that I will never be in love, I’ll […]
I don’t cry when I sleep….. I just woke up…… the tears remind me that I’m alive here in this world…… awake…… I just want something big to change…… I don’t think I can sleep forever…… or can I? I’ve spent my life trying to end it…… and funny enough I spent it helping others find happiness and reasons to keep living…… I’m going back to bed soon….. maybe….. I just cry uncontrollably these days, and the only thing that stops the endless flow…… sleep…… I wish I could remember my dreams…… I used to remember them well, but now not so much….. I do […]
Words hurt, but actions hurt most.
This is my first post.
I wish someone really understand me. I think I’m going to commit suicide tonight. I know that my family will be better without me. Everyone will be better without me. If nobody support me, Why should I live? I wanted to do a lot of things in my life, but nobody’s approval. I don’t want to feel anything anymore. I’m sick of people telling what to do, what is right and what is wrong. They drive me crazy and then they says I’m a psycho. I hate lies! Why is more easy to invent, to make a lie, when is […]
I am not feeling like it right now. That nagging feeling of pain, that would just fly around my head, I would try to swat it and it would stay there, flying.
I am content with that, and willing to live, but every once in a while I feel this crushing feeling, this little voice in the back in my head, that no matter what, I will fail, my dreams, my aspirations will just fall flat on it’s face, that my 17 years of life have been futile, worthless, an utter waste of time.
That the education system was rigged for me to fail. But right now? […]
Well i want to kill myself. Its been that way for a few years and i mad 1 attempt so far (not recently). If been abused a little as a child, my parents divorced due to my dads drug addiction when i was in 4th grade. I never had a single friend till sophomore year in high school. Every one hated me even tho i was the quiet sit in the corner kid. I was extreamly bullied till high school. The reason im still here is because the 1st friend i made in high school made me think that life is worth living. Eventually i […]
I hate living but I’m too afraid to die. I hate myself for it.
by HangedKiller
written by HangedKiller
Hi, I’m HangedKiller, and this is my story.
Obviously, HangedKiller is not my real name. I don’t know why I’m talking about this on the internet, but there’s something screaming inside of me.
I attempted suicide by hanging the summer of 2009.
Asian families have no room for your opinions or your dreams. I became accustomed to the ‘sit down and shut up’ routine.
Becoming used to being nothing is so horrible.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t live up to their expectations. No matter how much I lived for their ideals, it started falling apart in sophomore year of high school. I was a 4.0 student until then, and then depression hit […]
Hi
I last posted about a year ago. I was confused, my life sucked, I hated my job, and who I was, but I still had an awesome girl who loved me, and kept me going. I managed to pick myself up, got a new job which I actually enjoyed and was good at. I had plans to be happier, she helped me through it. In keeping her happy, in living for her, I was happy. Now however, that has all changed.
A couple of months ago, she left me for someone else, weeks after I had blown my entire paycheck on her birthday. My life spiraled […]
Rapidly spiraling
down,
down,
always downward.
Never up.
Envisioning in my mind
of blood running down my arm
my face
my stomach
my legs & ankles.
Feelings of nothingness.
Wanting to cry, throw up,
and turn away with guilt and regret.
Suicidal Tendencies come forth,
beckoning and pushing me away
from the temporary refuge
I had inexplicably found in dreams.
Regrets pile up around me
little post-it notes on the walls
covered in despair and insanity.
Incomprehensible thoughts running through my head
screaming in agony I bleed
scarlet rivulets create a river of inconsistencies.