I’m a christian. I love God with all my being, but i always wonder to myself why I’m here. My life is a miserable wreck. I’m fat and ugly. I’m not “popular”. I have almost no friends. My family is way messed up. My Dad doesn’t give a crap about me and my step mom is a snobby psycho. My sister is moved in with us for reasons I have no right to explain. My sisters daughter is everything I’m not and makes me feel jealous everyday, my little brother is a major douche bag and is probably going to end up caught […]
Tag:
Drugs
I had stopped cutting & was actually doing much better with my..ex-boyfriend. Until he broke my heart:/ 6 months & 23 days of my life..gone. He’s gotten so bad..he got kicked out of school for drugs & he’s ruining everything for himself. I don’t think he knows how to stop..and it scares me. I have no concerns about myself at the moment. I love him even though he pretty much hates me:/ I want what’s best for him.. any ideas on how to get through to him?:/
Suicide thoughts creeping in again and again.
They wont escape from my dark mind. I fucking hate this eating disoder.
I hate it, it’s taking over my life and I keep denying it. I know it’s true.
Wake up and the first thought is:should I eat? No you fucking pig you shouldn’t
I isolate from everyone and everything. I
I wouldn’t have to live with this stuff if I just died. Shit, If i had drugs I’d shoot them up…
According to experts you have a mental illness if: 1) You have “gross and persistent irresponsibility for social norms, rules and obligations(Antisocial Personality Disorder) 2) Actively refuses to comply with majorities – Requests or consensus supported rules -Argues often(Oppositional Defiance Disorder) It is sad how its not really your life, you are not free to live how you choose, society expects things even though it is your life. You are expected to : Get a job, get married, follow all laws,have kids,contribute to society. I just want to live for myself and do what I want to. Its sad how you are supposed […]
As a teen girl life is and will be hard, not just for girls, boys aswell. I was one of the many that gave into temptation. temptation with drugs, alcohol, sex, relationships. At 14 years old i had been beaten or hit by ex boyfriends and my father, ran away from home three times, each over two weeks long, Been sexually abused 3 times. I have continued to cut and it’s turned from four or five at a time to a couple hundred at a time, i was bulemic. i started to hear and see things, voices and this man. i could feel him, […]
Dammit I hate my grandparents!! I gotta get the he’ll out. I don’t even care about Florida right now. I need a fuckin escape, suicide, drugs, anything. Fuck life fuck people (not you guys… Sorry) fuck me. I don’t know why I’m still here. I’m a burden, a waste, and worthless. They won’t let me forget that. Shit I need an escape.
Everything about me is broken
my phone, my bank account, my heart
i wish someone would just take them
and give me a brand new start
I’ve gone through bullets and knives
through fire and ice
through volts and ropes
through drugs and loves
through suffocation and exoneration
And yet i still am alive
I beg for peace
i beg for calm
i beg for death
and yet nothing has happened but
pain
suffering
and silence.
I am broken, body and soul
nothing in this world will make me whole
because i am scattered in a million peices
and there’s no way i can find them all
I’m useless in this “real world”….I’m such a fucking impractical, too imaginative person.. thus, I don’t belong here in this mundane, dull, boring real world..!
by niki
written by niki
I’m useless in this “real world”….I’m such a fucking impractical, too imaginative person…
thus, I don’t belong here in this mundane, dull, boring real world..!
I often feel like I belong to another planet, universe, or perhaps another ‘spiritual’ plane, dimension,..something like that.
my super-vivid imagination’s world / universe is often a HUNDRED times much more lively, interesting, exciting, thrilling, and challenging than this apparently “Law and Order, all about money/profits and status” shallow, mundane, meaningless real world !
it’s my curse.
fuck my life..
get the hell me out of this fucking Matrix , please , somebody!
there should be an OPTION to get the fuck […]
I have major depressive disorder and social anxiety/borderline avoidant personality disorder.
I was going to go to group therapy. I never did.
I was seeing a counselor. I stopped going.
I take an anti-depressant. It helps a lot but not enough I guess. Less anxiety and less pain but that isnt enough.
I live a solitary life. I am like a hermit. I barely speak to people. I avoid women. Don’t make eye contact, speak as little as possible. If they seem to like me, become vaguely hostile…put up those old barriers. Whatever it takes. Because it hurts and they can hurt me more. But all I really want […]
This is my favorite song, it’s Sarcasm by Get Scared. I just wanted to share. Look it up, maybe you’ll like it…
(i dont own this song, i think Nick Matthews does…)
You’ve got me shaking from the way you’re talking
My heart is breaking but there’s no use crying
What a cyanide surprise you have left for my eyes
If I had common sense I’d cut myself or curl up and die
Sticks and stones could break my bones
But anything you say will only fuel my lungs
Don’t mind us we’re just spilling our guts
If this is love I don’t wanna be loved
You pollute […]
the life I’ve come to know has naught but
Shown me how cruel this world can be
Some say it’s the worlds way of making you stronger
But I know that I won’t last any longer
Because there are razors ever where
For drugs, for tools, for hair
All can be used for the simple chore
Of making my wrists bleed once more.
They come from stores, they come from shelves,
Hell, they even sell them in packs of a hundred and twelve!
And To those who say
It’s there but don’t use it today
I reply
Fuck you, I’ll take it and use this
knife […]
i dont want to be here anymore
i dont know what going on my lifes so messed up. everything went wrong when i was taken from my mother at the age of 11 i had to move to my dads because social services said my mum emotionally and mentaly abused us i was a good kid i looked after my younger sibling while my older brother and sister took drugs with my mum so when we was taken i was relieved in a way but my whole life changed from there. i have 4 sisters and 1 brother we all got seperated and we had supervised […]
It’s true: hurt people hurt people. I’ve never walked around rejecting others while genuinely in a happy state. On the other hand, when I hurt, I hurt those around me; not always intentionally or maliciously. It’s more of a”too stuck in my head to deal with anyone else” kind of hurting. Sometimes, it manifests itself in the form of quickly rejecting the presence of those around me so I can not-soon-enough resume my isolation. The chiming in of anyone else is dismissed as nothing short of a threatening disturbance.
I normally stave off the constant “get me out of here” feeling through substances or the validating […]
I don’t really have a big sob story so I don’t know why I feel the way I do. I just want to disappear. Ease the pressure on my family, keep everyone happy. I get so tired of just being a burden. Nothing seems to help either. Not therapy, drugs, or hosptialzation. Suicide is about the only thing I think of. I make plans and just chicken out. Can’t let anyone know so I’ll just do this instead. Need to run or die. Can’t seem to do either though.
It never ends… It’s always so damn constant, I try to hide it with laughter and jokes but it gnaws away at my core, it’s a gap a never ending void and regardless of the amount of drugs or alcohol I consume its there. I’m tired of it I want to live but not like this, envy am I of those who can live so happily. Fulfilling their duties as one rots away wishing for an unknown something. Regardless of how much I would like to rid humanity of my self, my childrens laughter lifts the burden if only for one more day. I wonder […]
I feel this way, on again, off again. I’m sure other people feel it. I hope no one else does, but at the same time, I hope I’m not alone feeling it. It’s hard to describe it so I won’t right now but I’ll try to express my thoughts because of these feelings. Every time I feel like this, I throw myself into a distraction. Sometimes they’re classes like the piano or learning a new language. Volunteer work. Sometimes it’s following a sports team or being interested in a serial like a TV series. It’s shallow, very hollow, but I thought it helped. When the […]
… ive been cutting since i was 12….when i was little….my hole family got torn apart…my sister died…i was a year old thats when everything fell apart my dad got aressted and my mom left a year later to go run off with a guy and do drugs…year after that my sister was born and then a fews later taken away and put up for adoption…ive been living with my grandma since i was two…and then…my being picked on…really started about say…1st grade i got called ugly and stupid and frizzy haired freak….all names you can think of…and i belived them…i used to say i […]
“Razors pain you; Rivers are damp; Acid stain you; And drugs cause cramp. Guns aren’t lawful; Nooses give; Gas smells awful; You might as well live. “
I want to die.
I have a gun but refuse to use it on myself because it’s only a .22 and I might survive. If I had anything bigger, I probably wouldn’t be here typing this. I really wish I had that gun, today I found out the girl I REALLY like and that I have been flirting with for the last month has a serious boyfriend, I can never get a girlfriend and I don’t know why. Shit like this always happens.
My family sucks too. I have nobody to talk to and nobody cares. I have […]
i follow every single rule in place for me, why can i get out of the fucking system? then you get these lucky bitches who get off and they are in no shape or place to be and they go and do drugs or illigal shit,while im working my ass off, i want to run far away,but the only people that would even look for me is the cops,im 21 years old,i feel like a slave, slaves had to fight for there freedom to and thats exactly what im doing,i want so much in life that the average person that walksd past me gets, that […]