(this is literally just a huge vent) i’m 14 and in 9th grade, i’ve been struggling with mental health since i was in 4th grade, i was abused physically and verbally in my childhood, everything had been shitty in my life really. in 3rd grade started watching what i ate, this didn’t last long but then once i was in 6th grade it came back, i’ve had an eating disorder ever since then and i’ve never weighed over 100 pounds, ever since i was a kid i was told how skinny i was and was constantly complimented about it, i feel like my body is […]
My morning shower thought:
If you knew when you were going to die, would you live your life any differently right now? If you suspected you had cancer, and there was a good chance that it is cancer, would you go to your appointment to get your death sentence? What would it take for you to live your best life right now?
When you’re living life, you should always be doing something that you want to be doing in that moment in time. Sometimes you hear “do things that future you will thank you for”, but then you would be living in the future.
My question […]
You’re most likely wondering why I so boldly asked for you to read this post. Well, I did so because I have something to say that I believe will benefit you, no matter if this site applies to you or not.
I’ve had an unbelievable amount of personal experiences in my life that in reality could have shattered me from the start but instead, here I am writing this […]
I really need to let my story. I can’t tell anyone and I won’t tell anyone most of this. I’m going to go in order of events, and you tell me if I have a right to kill myself.
I was born in Iraq, during the war. It was horrible. I was never able to have a good night’s sleep. I always thought I was going to get murdered, bombed, raped. I was so scared. I was only 5. When I was 6, a week or two after my birthday, my dad went to work, like usual. On the way there, he got shot twice in […]
I was only 6 years old when I was told I was to fat and my grandparents bribed me with $100 to lose 20 pounds… I did but little id I know this was just the beginning to my eating disorder…. Threw out schooling all the kids forced me to go on diets so I would look how they wanted and be like them so they did’t haft to been seen with ugly old me… After a while my parents joined into the torment… for as long as I can remeber I binged my problems away.. around grade 4 I started starving myself to be […]
I don’t know. I battle this little thing in my head that tells me to stop eating. “Stop eating! Your thighs are getting bigger, your appearance is getting uglier. Stop!” But I don’t listen. I eat away. No, I don’t throw it up, I don’t take laxatives. Nothing. I’m afraid that someday, that voice will win. I want to to stop. I’m craving the taste of hunger pains. It’s an urge inside of me. Why am I like this? I know I will accomplish not eating. I know it. But when?
I’m in a bit of a situation and I need help making a final decision, please tell me what you would do.
I graduated from high school in June in the top 10% of my class. All of my friends are going to good universities and started leaving last week. I moved in today. The university I’m going to is only an hour away from my home and I can come home every weekend. At this specific university I was chosen to receive early admittance into nursing school which is hard to get into. I’m rooming with a good friend of mine from high school, […]
I’m the kind of person who had a great childhood. I wasn’t abused or molested. My family loved me and even though I was kind of weird, I had friends. I was content with my life. But, then, in sixth grade, I discovered that I had a gluten intolerance. Then, everything went downhill.
I discovered self-harm as a seventh grader. I started scratching myself with paperclips. I thought it was normal because it seemed that that was how everyone else dealt with their problems. It was “cool.”
I don’t really remember eighth grade, but about halfway through my freshman […]
This is my story from the start http://suicideproject.org/2013/07/my-story-161/ please reaad that first before continuing down so you will understand the bits that i’ve missed out.
So you have read the beginnings and the main depth of what happened in my child/teen life. Heres some that i have missed out like my eating disorder , suicide attempt and the visions and self harm.
Im going to start off with the visions i get when i have anxiety attacks or panic attacks i haven’t told anyone what i hear, see or feeling during these episodes. Not even my psychiatrist. Well i get flash backs of the that night i got […]
A year ago I felt so peaceful and free after moving forward on my plans to recover from an eating disorder that had taken over my life and jeopardized my health. I was improving more each and every day, I was enjoying food, and pleasure had been brought back to life. I thought the nightmare was over, I knew relapse was a harsh possibility, but I assured myself I would stay strong. At the time I had no support other than the occasional “I’m so happy for you†from a friend. That’s the way I wanted it, […]
I feel so desperate having no where else to vent to but lately I’ve been so alone. My friend and I had a shopping trip and I jokingly say we should have a sisterhood for a sweater and she says “I might be able to fit into your clothes but our other friend definitely  won’t ” and she may not realize it but that was her calling me fat. I hate when she always hints indirectly that I am the fat friend. And I’ve been on my way loosing weight. I’ve lost 15 so far and plan on another 30 but I just don’t think […]
Last night was really scary. I’m 18, I’ve had suicidal thoughts off and on for over a year now, but lately they are pretty relentless. Yesterday I was having them all day, I’m not even sure why. I also just relapsed with my eating disorder. Every day I either restrict calories or eat and then make myself sick. I threw up twice yesterday. When it came time to go to bed I could not think about anything other than killing myself. I started to drift off and as I did I started picturing everyone who knows me going to my funeral and reacting to my […]
I’ve been so close lately. I think about it constantly but I would never do it. I just stare at the pill bottle and wonder how I don’t have the guts to do it. I just don’t understand anything anymore. I am so confused and I don’t think I am getting the help that I need in daily therapy. I go to a treatment program and now they want to send me to an eating disorder facility. I don’t know what I need anymore all I know is that I can’t keep going on like this in agony. But I do have something to look […]
But now it seems like eating disorders and self harm are all over the place. I’m sure I’ve probably been making the most weird and horrified faces at just about everything.
I got handed a knife to cut open a bag and the guy sitting next to me pointed to the bag and said “Don’t cut yourself.†I almost dropped everything I was holding because I thought he was pointing at my left arm.
Later that night a friend walked in and said “Marion, you’re so tiny and skinny.†I smiled because I was super proud of myself until she said “I don’t mean to say you […]
I got drunk. Shame on me
I snuck out. Shame on me
I cut myself. Shame on me
Eating Disorder. Shame on me
I’ve made mistakes. Shame on me.
Well, now I’m ashamed. Now I’m worthless. Now I’m alone. Now I’m a burden. Now I want to die.
Everybody makes mistakes. Shame on YOU for judging.
So I’m 18, a senior in high school, and although most of the drama in my life revolves around my anxiety and eating disorders, family problems, or suicidal thoughts, for once I have a normal problem. Just typing those words felt fantastic. I have really strong morals, I’m honestly not sure why because it’s not something I learned from my parents, but I don’t know, I just do. I also have pretty high standards when it comes to guys, although I’ve had a few boyfriends I’ve always felt like dating in high school is pointless, it’s just setting you up for a broken heart. I […]
Today, I turned 18 years old.
On my 16th birthday, after crying myself to sleep, I vowed to never cry over my family again. Instead of focusing on all of the things that were destroying me, I focused on the diet I had started about 10 days prior. It took control of my entire life. By July I weighed less than 100 pounds, my bones stuck out, but I still wanted to be skinnier. I rarely ate, but when I did, I made sure to throw it up.
I started recovering last summer, June 2012. It went well for awhile, but once school started back […]
(I apologize in advance for venting like this.)
I have been binge eating for six months straight, and I’ve gained so much weight. I now weigh almost 80 pounds. I know that’s still really underweight, I know I shouldn’t weigh 60 or 70 or even 80 pounds – I’m an adult for fuck’s sake. But it doesn’t matter how hard I try to look at things rationally and objectively… I swear I look like I weigh twice what I do, and I’m so fat and bursting with so much self-loathing that I can’t stand it anymore. I’m never going to see myself […]
This is it.
Day in, day out. Staring at the four walls of the room. Depression, Anorexia, they say i have.
Suicidal thoughts.
I’m sat in a mental health hospital, Tier 4, 7-day resident. I never leave.
I’ve been here for months, and now, months later, life is still the same.
I look at something and think, can i die using that?
I self harm, i cut, i burn, i don’t stop, razors, straighteners, on my skin, i don’t feel the pain.
I have scars, all over my body, each one telling a story, each […]
I was born on December 16th 1998 into a loving supportive family, I don’t know how I ended up like this.
My mother was a tattoo artist, and my father a truck driver. They were too busy when I was a child to take care of me, so I had to go to daycare. The first time I was called a bad name was in that daycare. Ever since that day I’ve never forgotten everything I’ve ever been called. And that was also when the nightmares started. I don’t know if they were interconnected, or whether I just made it all up to get over it, […]
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