When will my soul grow old?
To die, to hide, to break, to take, to breathe,
And not worry about what is left underneath the tree.
It was all built on lies, under water.
Beneath the sea.
Little old me waiting for the grass,
To grow, to change color of a brilliant green.
To watch the patches of dirt be hidden and never show.
To hide the emotions built up inside a soul,
To never let happen an exchange of events.
From one person to another.
Heart to heart is painful, but you have to make the best.
Says a shrub of wisdom […]
Tag:
Emotions
It started out small. I would feel sad and tired and utterly hopeless for a few hours, maybe one night at the most. I would self harm or cry myself to sleep or rant in my diary until 2 AM. The next morning I would tell myself that yesterday was “just a bad day” and that everyone had them once in a while, so it was totally normal.
I went from having a “bad day” once in a while, to having a “bad day” once a month, to having several “bad days” a month…and before I knew it, I’d become the person I am now. I […]
Feeling better today after I spent about 3 or 4 hours in pure physical and mental agony. Agony! I wanted someone to come lift me out of bed, to carry me downstairs so I could function and work, but I knew that wasn’t going to happen. So I went on the internet trying to solve it that way. I had to go on the internet and look up those groups of people that write about common experiences. The one I was looking at today was “people abandoned by their moms” (share your story!) and I really did not expect to feel better at first, but […]
Ive been trying to type how I feel, but I just cant get my thoughts straight. I have this very often. I know what I want to say. And in my head I hear the exact sentence, I just cant get it of my lips. And its not only when talking about emotions, I also have it when I’m just in the middle of a random conversation. Like my brain kind of just stops and I just cant get the words out. The feeling of having something on the tip of your tongue, only difference is that I know what I want to say but […]
You know you’d think your problems would end when you grow up, more time goes by everyday and i realize i had it so much more easier when i was sixteen then i do now.
everything started when i was fourteen i lost my grandmother and my dad in one year. my grandmother was just the start of my fathers depression. On my fathers side most of my family are bipolar and have anxiety. So with it i have also developed these unwanted traits. after my father passed my whole world dropped. I started contemplating suicide at sixteen and i was always a failure at it. […]
maybe im the reason that I have no one. I dont bother to tell people what im thinking. I hide everything maybe thats why no one is aware or why im alone. Its all my fault. I dont flaunter my emotions. Is that what im doing wrong? Is that why no one bothers to listen? Does no one understand that I have a damn heart, one that gets hurt too
“Enough is enough i can’t go on……”
I’m nearly fort-two, and suddenly i realized that if i was to die right now nobody would know. I have always felt this loneliness inside me since being a young child but until now i have never understood what lonely really was.
I’m going to end my life. I have tried several times before but failed in my attempts. I think if i try one more time i would get it right. I’ve searched the net every day looking for different ways to end it all, now i know i’ve been doing it all wrong. That’s why i keep failing.
I […]
I’ve started this post and deleted multiple times since I first logged in. Because the truth is I read the description for schizoid personality disorder but I haven’t been diagnosed, and if I do have it, I probably won’t be diagnosed because there is no way I’m going to talk to someone about this. And no one will probably guess I feel this way because of the way I act. Nearly all the time around other people I can smile, joke, and get along just fine. I don’t feel anxious talking to people and can communicate fine, about things that don’t matter. Work, school, the […]
So i dont know its been a couple of days since i decided im going to stop hurting myself. I havent failed. But my emotions are everywhere. Im a mess. I just want to die, i havent thought how id do it, but last night i dreamt i hung myself. And i felt the almost life draining out of me in my dream. It was amazing, i felt relieved. Then i woke up, and im still alive, thinking to myself, i wanna die. I just wish it wasn’t so hard to leave all my loved ones :'( i dont know what to do anymore. If […]
I don’t know who I am, really. I don’t understand myself at times. Sometimes I think about diagnosis too much. Try to fit myself into a label. But the truth is, I’m a human being. I shouldn’t care about ‘what’ I am, I should care more about who I am. So what I lack some things most people have? For most part, I’m just as human as you are. I might be a little more logical than most of you, I tend to only use intellect and not emotions. I might be into some stuff most of you find weird (true crime, for example). But […]
So, i found this site and thought: Why not share some of my thoughts here? First i must say, that my english isn’t too good, so boring, repetitive and easy sentences will be written here. Now let’s begin.
First some information about me: I am completely healthy, i have good grades even though i don’t study for it and i don’t have financial problems. However i probably have a Schizoid personality disorder. At least i fit exactly to all descriptions you can find about it. Also i am very bad at sports, only moving a bit exhausts me, i can’t walk for a long time […]
because your words dear, resurrected me. and i have loved you, all this while. thank you, for bringing a man back from the dead
by meyoh
written by meyoh
i have loved words. their complexity. their vain reflection on the paper. their strokes on mcdonnald’s tissue paper as i sat by the corner with a black pen. the way they are tattooed on my thoughts. inked out of precise tune of delicate compilation of strings of grammatical compounds. their manipulative ways of tricking the ones who do not listen. words are by far the most genius and vilest invention. even so, i have loved words since the beginning. their binding ways of reaching out to their other halves, asking, begging to be complete. to be a sentence. their caring ways of understanding attitude. their […]
2 years ago I joine the marine corps. That wast dream to become a marine. I wanted to be the hero. When I went into the 13 weeks of misery known as boot camp I loved it. I enjoyed it. I met my closest friends there they knew everything about me and I knew everything about them . They were my best friends, my brothers. After basic I went to marine combat training MCT for short and there i was beginning to have suicidal thoughts. It hit me. I was I here ? What was I doing? Nobody was there no one. I felt alone. […]
This has no specific age range but is directed more towards those who have not yet been free to make their own decisions.
I want everyone who wants to to live. Especially you my little brothers and sisters. Because you have not yet been able to live your own lives. Have not yet been able to freely choose anything outside the limits placed on you and the strong influences upon your minds and emotions. From your posts many of you have an amazing and solid grasp on life and that would be wasted by you dying and not being able to enrich yourselves with your talents.
Many […]
People have told me, “Don’t do it, Emma” and “You can talk to me about anything”. But I can’t. I know I’m not alone in this but it always feels like I am. I’ve had people call the Suicide Hotlines on me and I’ve helped other people get through their own depressions but I can never seem to shake the pain, loneliness, jealousy, or depression. I have problems I know I need to fix but I just can’t.
Im 14. My name is Emma and I live in Colorado. When I was three, my mom and dad divorced after my mom knowingly broke my younger brother’s […]
I sit here hating myself for being myself. I try everyday to live to be happy, but nothing ever works. The realization of the fact that the one person you love so much will never love you back torments me and leaves me unable to move. I pray for the torment to end.
He says I don’t try enough and he gets mad at me. But I know not what to do. I do what anyone deeply in love does when they are hurt by the one they love…I cry. I cry a river that turns into an ocean. My bloody tears mean nothing anymore because […]
I’ve felt a change in my emotions lately
A realization
Or
Maybe I’m just remembering.
Coming down from my dillusion
Back into reality.
But more lucid this time around.
Bitterness does not form
Yet happiness is still ages away
Basically a myth now.
These moments when every emotion
Has disappeared completely by reaching its peak
The most anyone could ever feel
Any emotion
Name one.
I can.
Rage.
Enraged.
The feeling of wanting to create a homicidal storm
Or at least stick nails into my own veins
Either way there will be blood
Don’t talk to me for a while
Don’t look at me without […]
Am i really weak your wanting to die sometimes,… The most important person in my life said “your weak stop being a little fucking vagina” =((( i assked what if someone in your family killed themselves.. he said they would be remembered as weak.. i all i thought to myself was… im going to be remembered as weak now? Not good or kind or giving.. which i am very much so. Then he took it back and said talk to me whats wrong just tell me… and he know whats wrong but i guess it’s just so i can express my emotions and cry it […]
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I fucking live off coffee and cigarettes, to be honest i just don’t give a shit , thats deff another lie, affirmed by my predisposition to cry. I claim to be emotionless when really I’m overrun by it. You all see a smile, but not whats inside, its just a mask i use to hide. I’m giving you what you want, now its up to you to conceive, in reality it has nothing to do with me. Over the years I’ve grown to see , that you don’t want to […]
I keep a very brave face on. I’m an easy-going person, and most people take me for what they see. Someone who is generally happy, who knows who they are and accepts everything they are as well. And for the times they see me, that’s generally true. The more people I’m around, the more confident I tend to be. The biggest problems they think I have is a lack of sleep, and I put a lot of effort into helping them think that. Someone at work messed up, a harmless mistake, and they were talking about whether I was mad or not. Everyone immediately said […]