Hey SP,
One shitty years up. Ofc, my year hasnt been as bad as some of yours. But it was pretty bad, and frankly, i dont think 2016, is gonna be any fucking better…
Found the girl of my dreams, she hates me,
Destroyed my hopes of getting a good college,
Lost every inch of talent i have ever had,
And on top of it,
I cant even muster the guts to kill myself.
What i really want to say is,
Sorry mum, dad, i didnt mean to dissappoint you,
Sorry, everyone, i didnt wanna hurt anyone.
Once again a friend ditched me for my sister, once again I feel left out. I don’t want to be alone on New Years.. It’s happened two years in a row. I want to be with those who love me. I thought I was going to change and be more outgoing this year but I guess that hasn’t worked out well for me.. I thought I had that courage. I haven’t changed at all. When will it end?
I hope everyone else is having a good New Years. You guys diserve it.
Happy New Year!
I see my doctor on Tuesday. I need to talk to him about things I’m not completely honest about with my psychiatrist or therapist. The only problem is I’m concerned he’ll side with them. My last therapist wouldn’t say a bad word about my psychiatrist, or any other doctor for that matter, and I’m afraid he will do the same. I don’t think he would, but it all comes down to how deep my psychiatrist has her claws in him. If she’s turned him against me, too; if she’s going to make him try to hurt me as well. I want a new psychiatrist, I […]
Wow. Seems like I’ll be spending New Years Eve on my own after a huge fight with my mom. A moment ago I wished that I would just fall asleep in a minute and never wake up anymore, and I still sort of do. I don’t want 2016. Everyone is telling me to be happy because 2016 is starting. It is just a year like normal. And I don’t believe that it will get better. Shit is still going on. In the last few weeks more shit has been going on than in the rest of 2015 and that shit is not going to stop. […]
This may be my last post, for a while. Contemplating some things right now, trying to solve my life’s puzzle yet again. I’m missing a piece and it bothers me. Anyways, bye everyone (for now)
-glockamole
So welcoming with everyone with my first post i think i need to describe my problem-in order to pacify myself. Nobody has ideal life, mine wasn’t the worst, the best neither. Quarrels of father antagonised by his family against his wife and children, constant visits to doctors because of my illness, a sort of overprotectiveness of my mother, postponed socialisation with my peers – all this stuff caused that I have always felt alienated from others. This, plus that I have learnt a bit better than others, resulted in episodes of bullying, on which i reacted with aggresion, so tension have grown over time. I […]
http://www.cmt.com/videos/bleu-edmondson/404366/finger-on-the-trigger.jhtml
First, it’s kind of country. Â Sorry about that. But there’s a piece in the song that says:
‘And Lord, sometimes I wonder if you’re even there
Cause my burden is back-breaking and it’s all that I can bear’
It really speaks to me.
Although I don’t post or comment much, I visit every day and I want to wish everyone a happy and peaceful 2016. 🙂
I just wanted to say thanks to everyone. You guys talked me into seeing a doctor and they put me on medication for depression about a month ago and I feel like a new person. I haven’t had depressing or suicidal thoughts and I feel like a huge weight that was tied around my heart was removed. I hope anyone else that hasn’t seen a doctor does so. Your dark thoughts are not you… Thanks everyone and have a great new year.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
So I tend to assume that the problem is me. With the destructive ways of thinking and habits that I cling to. Or with my defective body. With my distorted, twisted personality. I look at the people around me, and think ‘They look happy. I should be like them.’
If I could only be like everyone else, and feel a sense of meaningful connection with others, then my life would be worth living. It gives me something to aspire to. Got to find a way to fix myself, and then everything will be ok. Or, if that’s not possible, got to keep a lid on my […]
So I thought I could hold my stuff together long enough to visit family without some sort of break down. I was wrong. About an hour into it, my step grandmother tried to take my picture. I just wasn’t in the mood or spirit as I’ve been really depressed lately. After begging her not to, she did anyways. And I’m very self conscious and I know I’m not good looking. I struggle with this a lot. How I perceive myself and how others see and view me. Needless to say all these feelings of emptiness and sadness rushed to the surface in the form of […]
…about the day I came upon this website here. I think it was the beginning of August this year when I found it. No big deal, I just stumbled into it, right? End of story.
But what lead me to “stumble” into this place? Well, I was seeing if I could Google a surefire way to kill myself, then this website popped up.
Just that… it hit me pretty hard. I was so dedicated to finding something to finish me, I would’ve done anything I found that had a decent success rate.
I still have issues, but I’m alive because of you guys. Essentially, this website and everyone here […]
I can’t afford to pause my life, not now. Even though I feel the fight dying inside me and passion becoming a confused hot mess. Everything keeps turning to shit no matter how hard I work or what I do. I feel like I’m continuously this toxic poison that everyone is forced to live with. They all suffer because of me. All the stresses of my life bleed into theirs, and it’s not fair. I’m far from happy, beyond stressed, just plain frustrated. I don’t know who else to talk to, I can’t handle this by myself but do not want to feel like such […]
The Christmas depression is here. But it is worse this time. Much worse. My daughter at least until last year was still interested in getting a tree put up and putting together some kind of meal on Christmas day. But not this year. We don’t really “celebrate” the holidays much anyway but this year I feel like I have become such a burden for everyone that they just don’t want to deal with things. I don’t ask much of the two of my kids that live with me – I don’t go out really anymore  but we share the basic expenses. My son takes care […]
I complain about my job all the time and I’m sorry. But today I came across some new things.
Today, I had access to Z’s computer. I looked through her IM’s between her and T and they’re all complaining about me or making fun of me.
I don’t think I’ve felt complete in years. All there. Like something gnawing at my brain — chewing on it. A hamster or a rat just munching away bit by torturous bit. Like watching a horror movie where everyone dies at the end — you know — but you have to watch them die one by one. Or that moment on a beach when you see the water pull out for a couple kilometers out and it dawns on you — you’re impending doom […]
I’m left wondering how genuine these posts are. everyone on the suicideproject is run by their emotions (myself included), and I’m wondering how a depressed man/woman can think clearly enough to type as much as everyone here has, or if everything here is typed simply out of angst, rendering it all meaningless.
All the light that you possess is skewed by lakes and seas
The shattered surface, so imperfect, is all that you believe
I will set the mirror up to face the blackened sky
You will see your beauty every moment that you rise
I just wanted to protect her, and everyone else that I cared about, from unhappiness. Â I know the frigid, bleak nights, and I know how they scrape at your sanity, at your soul.
Today, I found out she’s moved to a different country, and that she wants nothing to do with me. Today, and all foreseeable days, I only have sleep to look forward to. It’s better than nothing. […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I got fired today . I honestly feel better . I got fired because I was late . & this is my first time being late . But it’s whatever . I could care less . That place is fucking toxic. I feel like everyone there bully’s me. So I don’t care . I feel like that place was really bringing me down . I need a new environment and new people .
I hope to make a change in my life