Cutting myself feels very weird. I don’t do it often, but days like today remind me of what it feels like. and I’m sorry for everyone here who does it on a regular basis. You’re strong for holding on.
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Hi.. I am MrSilent. There is not much to know of me so I won’t bother with the details. I will give a very broad background of why I have chosen this name..
For years and counting, I have been silent. Silent of my emotion, silent of my thoughts and silent of my life and it’s duration. Recently, I’ve stumbled upon this community. I thought it would be quite interesting to be able to speak through text.. I have much to say but I will save most for later if I am still living. There is not a doubt that I am slowly collapsing, so, […]
Everyone says karma’s a *****. Well I that’s the case then why dose it only come after me why is it not ok for me to call people inbreeds and stuff like that, but its ok for them to turn around and call me a child molester, and I have an std and that I need to be killed and raped. That’s ok nothing will happen to them. Just me i have to take all the bad karma while everyone else gets the good karma. I tried to be patient, I’ve tried letting it go but nothing happens or things just get worse I always have […]
The questions everyone has been asking for a while now is “why?”. So, I’m now going to tell you why.
Humans are idiots. I’m not saying we should all die, but humans are idiots. If you have something big to live for, goals, dreams, whatever, go for it. But I don’t. The only thing keeping me up right now is my family, and that doesn’t feel like enough anymore. I move all over the place, so I don’t have any concrete friends. My favorite thing to do is read, because I can be taken into another world, and because books have a definite ending. It’s the […]
Yeah, I’ve been feeling that way lately. I’m afraid of getting kicked out of the place I just moved in to. Reasons? I know I’m renting from a neat freak and I’m not really filthy but I don’t have the energy to keep it looking like Merry Maids are on call either. I did something dumb that made a mess and now a rug needs washed, and I don’t have the energy to spend 4 hours after work on the slow washer & dryer in the basement. I feel like I shouldn’t be doing stupid shit like that and somehow, even though most […]
I’m so fucking fed up with everything right now. My parents are driving me fucking crazy by being goddamn indecisive and they won’t tell me what the fuck is going on. Why do you have to play this stupid game?! Why can’t you tell me what’s going on? Why can’t you try to help me instead of putting such pointless weight on me that I can’t do anything about. Stop it. JUST STOP IT!
I’m fucking depressed enough. I’m already batshit crazy and this doesn’t fucking help. It doesn’t help that I don’t have anybody to talk to. It doesn’t help that all of this makes […]
I’m done, I just want to leave and put this agonizing existence behind me. Yet everyone has to keep telling me that it’s my “duty” that “I have to” to stay alive for everyone else. Bullshit no one gives a shit and I know that. If I disappeared tomorrow, the only person who would miss me is my mom and I’m sure she would get over it. I don’t matter in anyones life, everyone else has a better friend then me and just keep me around cause they are just sympathizing for the reject. After all, doesn’t everyone say that they need to get rid […]
I am, though. I can’t help it. I can’t help the fact that Im a failure. It’s not like I’ve not tried to put myself out there. I’ve done everything you wanted, Mom, Dad- I just… Nobody wants someone who’s nobody. And they don’t want any bullshit art that this shitty ass fucking 16 year old made. They don’t want dumbass masks I put my hard work into. They don’t even want my paintings! You tell me to put myself out there and then I’ll get people to buy my things. You tell me not to get a real job and just rely on art. […]
There’s an eclipse tonight and everyone should watch it of they can! it’s gonna be amazing and may lift your spirits even if just for a little while! it’s a wonderful event that’s truely magical and I hope some of you get to experience it!
I’m tired. Tired of everything. Well not everything. I’m not tired of the times when I feel some sort of happiness, I’m not tired of the times when I’m alone and no one bothers me, but I’m tired of the rest of it. Tired of people relying on me to help them with things that I cant even help myself with. That was always the case with my former best friend. She seemed as though she was in the same situation as me, although I never really saw her looking sad or wanting to die. We are no longer friends but at the time she […]
the worst part of this shit is the fact that ill never get to tell my side of the story. Everyone thinks I’m a child molester so I have no side. I want to shout so badly that none of its true but if I do then I’m lying. I’m so tired. I cant cry because its fake I can’t smile because then I’m looking for attentions. I know god is laughing at me. Why am I still alive. I really shouldn’t be alive, I don’t event want to be alive. I have to hold everything in all the time. I lash out at people […]
i know that i said that i would wait but i found the key to the trigger lock taped to the inside of the box so tonight is the night I’m going to go get some burger king and a pack of cigs a few beers and finish the job goodbye everyone. ill let y’all know if i puss out at 10:00 tomorrow morning but don’t count on it.
im living on borrowed time here because i cant find the courage inside of me to commit suicide, and its tearing me apart. i want everyone to forget that i exist. i wish i could live in the shadows so that if i died, no one would notice and i wouldnt hurt anyone. i havent attempted anything but im scared that ill fail and ill have to live with everyone knowing my secret. my depression is my secret and ive been living with it for three years. it started when i was fourteen and i felt the depression grow with me. as i got older […]
I had an affair while I was married, we were married for 16 years and have a daughter together. I was unhappy, lonely and tried to reach out to my husband to get counseling together. He thought it was a waste of money and told me I was a bitchy wife. I met someone while we were married and he made me feel beautiful, loved, important and actually enjoyed having a conversation with me. We started meeting after I would drop my daughter off at school and while my husband was at work. It went on for months and then I started to realize what […]
so my ex boyfriend keeps threatening me to take my child when I gave birth and it’s scaring me to think that I could possibly deal with something this hard myself for 9+ months and not even get the surprise at the end ? I know he’s just trying to hurt me but its so stressful . I’m contemplating running out of state because I’m not going to just give my baby up like that . I feel like he wants thes reward but doesn’t want to work for it ? I just don’t know what to do
I keep getting these thoughts to just end it.. I don’t feel like I should be here at all. All of these thoughts are fucking me up & I feel like I’m just drowning. I want them to go away, but they never do. I’ve tried to be happy; I watch JackSepticEye as a source of release, you know? And during those time periods, I feel ..happy, to an extent. But after those, when I’m just sitting alone, I get these thoughts: “Is it even worth it?” “No one actually cares, you know” “You’re just a piece of shit.” “Just try taking the pills one […]
As of right now I list a lot of things that are going wrong with my life. I put in my two weeks at a job I hated and when I put in my two weeks they started telling me not to come in everyday so I’m getting no hours, I still haven’t found another job despite applying at tons of places and I’m financially screwed. I was forced to move back in with my family in order to get away from the latest in a string of abusive relationships. I owe my college over $3,500 for dropping out and can’t go back to school […]
they knew i wasn’t happy
they knew i wanted to kill myself
they knew i need to leave this country
they just don’t care about you
they don’t
and now what
he crushed your dreams and left you alone.
everyone is busy with their life and dreams
you’re the one with nothing
why don’t you get it ?
you only have yourself in this hopeless world..
I tried to write something meaningful, but my head hurts so fucking bad that I’m afraid I must retire for the night. Goodnight everyone. Sleep well if you can.
I’m planning on making an appointment to get on antidepressants soon, I also plan on going to counseling soon. I am so incredibly terrified of going into the doctor’s office and telling them I’m depressed. I don’t even know why, but just the idea makes me sick to my stomach. Also the idea of going to counseling really scares me, I went to counseling once when I was younger because I was forced to go by the SRS since my parents were abusive. I’ve hidden my depression for so long, and I’ve been depressed and cutting myself since I was 11, and I’m 19 now. […]