I can’t stand it anymore. Despite the fact I had a miscarriage and I feel lonely and suicidal, my parents are pushing me over the edge. I’m forced to live with my mom which gets angry at everything and she doesn’t let me do anything even though I’m almost twenty. She locks me in her house which makes me more depressed. I feel trapped, I don’t have freedom, I don’t have anything. My dad calls me fat and is trying to force me to go to the gym while I still can’t get over my miscarriage and don’t want to lose my bump. It reminds me […]
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I thought I had met the most amazing guy and that he actually liked me. He promised me he would try to be with me despite it was against his religion (he is Muslim). We had a pregnancy scare but we thought it was nothing, and we went off for Winter Break. He wouldn’t even kiss me anymore because it was “wrong” but said he was trying his best to be ready for me. Once the break was over, I didn’t go back to uni and he just stopped talking to me. Soon after, I found out I was actually pregnant and he just pushed me away. He […]
It’s stupid to think that nobody would miss you if you died. Incredibly so, because someone is bound to notice and miss your presence. Your friends, family, pets, that guy you sit next to at work or class. That’s never been the issue for me, I guess.
Ive been doing so good. I thought that maybe it wasn’t so bad anymore. I didn’t want to die, I wanted to move on. Relapse really sucks. I wish…I wish that I had a better time with those therapists. I wish my psychiatrist actually helped me, I wish the pills worked but they didn’t. What […]
Hey there. I was just wondering how things went for you last week, with your appointments, getting off meds, and everything else. Sorry if you already shared this and I missed it. How’d it go with the new shrink?
My last post I thought I was crazy because I was hearing shit, but I went to the doctor and it turns out I’m just very sleep deprived and stressed as fuck so that’s good. And since I was feeling good and confident today I decided to finally come out over twitter I’m scared as fuck, but hopefully everything goes well fingers crossed. Oh and also thanks to Hazy Day Sunflower for giving me advice I really appreciate it.
Nothing is scarier then fearing hope. When you’ve hoped against hope that everything will turn around and everyday will stop being a consistent battle…
I’m not sure I’ll ever get over my self-esteem issues, which is to be expected, I suppose. But in the midst of being undecided about whether to continue hanging on, and trying, or just peacing out (am err’ing on the side of ‘choose life’), I also don’t think it’s fair to subject anyone else to it.
I’m just so amazingly insecure sometimes. Some days, I feel okay, as if I can cope and function. And then I lapse again.
I can’t even watch porn or enjoy fapping, without thinking about the guy I like having sex with somebody else. It’s not that I see other people as […]
This is my last chance. My last post. My last idea to change hope for the future. My life has had many happy and not so happy moments, and that’s what is getting to me. I may still be young, but no one not even myself knows everything I’ve been through. You may find no interest reading something like this, but those who do, I suggest you read everything.
My name is Mike. I am 17 years old, and have lived through a lot in this so far short life. I have two medical conditions: Moebius and klinefelters. If you say me in real […]
Do I remember everything from that night?
It scares me to think I don’t
What if more had happened?
It’s all just a blur
I lied about where he had his hand
It wasn’t on my hip…
But what if it went lower?
What if I don’t remember?
I was upset
I made a mistake
He offered me alcohol
And I got drunk
He was in his thirties
I was fifteen
And I don’t remember
All he did
C.K.
At work now. I’m vacillating between being self-destructive and driving myself closer to the edge, or just hanging on and playing everything by ear, day by day. I sort of just don’t care. Some days I do, other days I don’t. But I really cannot ever see myself being ‘happy’ or moderately content with myself in any capacity. I have such low self esteem lol.
I know that I’m probably not ready to neck myself just yet, simply because I still care about certain things and certain people.
I’m either going to, erm, save up my money and potentially go travelling (which would be me hanging on) […]
I have tried everything to keep myself going I’ve tried to see if life gets better. Let me tell you, it doen’t (at least for me). Lets go through what ive done, they say that opening up to someone will help, I thought I could tell my friend because he was good to me and we trusted eachother before. Wrong I told him and he bullied me for it. Now I have know one. My days are the same wake up with no energy, go to school to only expell the only energy I have, cry and eat for an hour and sleep. Yes because […]
I’m playing Stein’s Gate right now and it raises a lot of time travel questions. If you had a time machine, would you try to redo something in your life? Regardless of causality and everything else, of course. I would try to see what would happen if Trump never became a presidential candidate.
Here’s the thing: I’m fine now.
I mean, I have been so depressed, so desperate… and now it’s all over.
My mind is not sinking in anxiety like it always was. I’m calmed. I can laugh, talk to friends, do things. I’m ok. Everything is back to normal.
Except that it doesn’t feel normal. Everything feels unreal. I’m looking for a job, trying to go back to university, but I don’t want to do any of those things. But I don’t want to not do them neither.
I don’t want to stay home, I don’t want to go away. It’s not that I don’t know what I […]
Everything seems ok, then someone asks: are you ok? And I start crying non stop. Yes everything is ok.
I have to go work, but I get there and do nothing.
I am feeling empty.
A few good opportunities came to hand this week. Things I would have given everything else for, a year ago. And here I am, not giving a fuck for them.
I just want to cry. I just want to stop feeling this sad.
My best friend. He died. A couple of months ago he just said he’s head was hurting and then next thing you know, he’s in the hospital. Half his brain turned off and he went into coma. Two weeks later doctors told us he would never wake up. He’d been my best friend since I was five. How could he leave? Did he not realize how he would hurt not only me but the other ones that loved him as much as I did? I don’t like trusting anyone. I know thy’ll leave me behind and that will hurt. I just know it. Yet I […]
I hate feeling frustrated with this job too. I don’t have any options to get a full time job. But I’m supposed to be an equal with someone here, same position, same level, both leadership positions for others. But he’s taken over, and it’s like I suddenly have another boss, one that disapproves of everything I do, calls all the shots, and I have no freedom anymore. I was liking this so much because of the creative freedom the real boss gave me, and that my ideas were listened to and even liked. Now I’m back to this “no, no, no, I don’t like that, […]
hey guys..for a few months i’ve been very depressed,i have no job and can’t find one because i have no exp,my girlfriend left me after 3 years,i have no friends only fake friends that care only about themselves,and i don’t know what to do…i tried everything possible,i looked for jobs,go to interviews,got busy all day,get out,think positive,read books to help with depression,nothing helps..my last choice is to kill myself but i don’t have the courage,i’m afraid i can’t do it and mess my life even more…i really need some advice..please
Today i realized something. Most people i know think i’m a heartless person. Of course they think this because they do not know what my stepfather did to me. they don’t know what it was to know that you had to give everything up in order to save your brothers and mother. you know what really sucks of that? that those brothers i tried to protect don’t know who i am. They don’t even remember who their big sister is. They just know i’m the girl that “betrayed” their mother. that what mom’s made them believe. And that hurts. But can you really blame me […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Why am I so obsessed… Why am I so obsessed with world peace!?
Yet, I realized in order for that to happen someone first needs to become the bad guy. In order for a new system to rise, the old one must be removed… physically or mentally.
A physical reset would be one last World War where an absolute fear is ingrained so deeply that even 100 generations later still feel it. A final war that scars the land, burns the sea and splits the sky to leave a permanent reminder of the folly of individualism.
The mental reset is just as bad except it’s the ideals that […]