I keep getting these thoughts to just end it.. I don’t feel like I should be here at all. All of these thoughts are fucking me up & I feel like I’m just drowning. I want them to go away, but they never do. I’ve tried to be happy; I watch JackSepticEye as a source of release, you know? And during those time periods, I feel ..happy, to an extent. But after those, when I’m just sitting alone, I get these thoughts: “Is it even worth it?” “No one actually cares, you know” “You’re just a piece of shit.” “Just try taking the pills one […]
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I’m tired of feeling like this every day. I keep waiting for the right time, that will hurt my family the least. In between birthdays. Far away from home. I wish it was simpler, that I could make my choice and fuck all the consequences. But I have this huge guilt about leaving my friends and family, especially my brothers and my mom.
I have had many failed attempts and this has hurt my family. I want to ensure everything is successful next time. I think obsessively about methods and timing, around 10-30 times a day. I’m on anti depressants but they don’t help. The only […]
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I hate everything about my body. I wish I could afford all the cosmetic surgery necessary to fix it. I wish there was some kind of medical procedure available so I could remove my mind and put it in a body that isn’t hideous. I know I’m genetically inferior because everything about me is horrible. Someone told me once that I look like a certain celebrity, it was not flattering, and after I realized how ugly everyone else thinks I am I wanted to put a gun in my mouth and die.
I guess I’m just feeling alone and discouraged. I live with my friends and they are all at university, getting there lives together, and then there is me. The people I live with, their parents pay for everything for them, their rent, food, shopping. I have to pay for everything for myself. I may sound like I’m complaining but its very hard to watch your friends get things handed to them when you are struggling. Sometimes I wish I was born into a very rich family with parents who are never around or don’t really care for me. I don’t know what would be worse, […]
On Friday night I overdosed on burpion, this time I didn’t even mean to. I thought I ran out of my 350mg so I took 4 150mg to equal it to 450mg. Instead I took 4 350mg. As soon as I found out I did that I was having a panic attack. I didn’t want to tell anyone, I didn’t want to bother anyone and I felt like I would get yelled at. So I just went into my living room and watched some YouTube videos. After 2 hours of waiting I finally felt the side effects. I felt like I could not breathe, my […]
In the past week I have lost almost everyone…everything. For a while, weeks, months, years maybe, I’ve been wanting to escape. Escape it all…all at once. The pain. The fear. The loss. The confusion. The depression. Everything. Gone. But how? There’s so much to leave behind but so much to let go. How do you grow the courage to make your decision?
I have only made two posts on this website, I have not received a lot comments in response, but the ones I did receive made me feel better. Not all of them were comforting or anything like that, some were just understanding and a sharing of pain and the same sense of being out of place. Every comment I have received on here has brought me comfort. I’m not a person who hears a lot of people positive things from people I know, or someone who has a lot of support or good people in their life. I just wanted to tell everyone on here […]
I hurt myself again today.
Just to make sure I’m still alive. Another scar on my arm, another broken frame.
The blood falls onto the sheets, the crippling fear at my gates.
Another failure in the books. No one hears my screams, my happiness is a lie.
But that’s the price of making others happy.
And the only pain in death is felt by those who are left behind.
Our empty world is cruel, hurtful and unforgiving. It will break you.
I still remember your beautiful face. Those fleeting moments we shared.
I can only hope you’re still with me, holding me close while I cry myself to sleep.
I don’t blame you. Your […]
Since I was 6 years old I wanted to be like everyone else, I was always very shy, hated hanging out with guys cause they were mean to me, only girls were nice to me at the time. I felt inferior to everyone around me, I am very sensitive to everything and it just annoyed people because of it. My grades always sucked at school, I was stupid and sometimes just tried to annoy people cause people hated me anyways. I always felt like I am ugly, and hate mirrors or any reflection of any kind cause I can’t look at myself. Around 5th grade […]
so it’s my first time here…I struggle with depression quite a lot and since a lot of time…it doesn’t even matter whether everything is right or wrong…the episodes just come randomly…
I get into the self destruct mode…I will do anything to harm myself and my relationships with people.
I am tired! Right now I feel I do not deserve to live as I only bring in problems for everyone….
This is going to be my first post. I have read some posts from other people about various different things hoping it might lift my spirits up to know that I’m not the only person who feels like I do. But it doesnt. I feel better commenting back to people with positiviy, but I personally still fucking hate everything about myself and my life. I’m going no where fast. I feel like I’m just existing in this world. I’m not living. I would love to live. However, I don’t see that happening. It’s been too long feeLing like I do. Too many nights and days […]
Does nature or God take us when we’re finally ready to go. At the point when we’ve learned everything we’ve needed to learn for this lifetime or we’ve finished all of the projects that will have made our life impactful on the world. My grandfather died shortly after being placed in a nursing home after bemoaning the prospect his entire life and fighting feverishly against it towards the end. Right now I am going through a burst of anorexia (not to be confused with anorexia nervosa which is not eating because you fear putting on weight) which means that I have lost much of my […]
Alright well I can say I’m ok but I’d be lying. Then again it might be better to lie and smile and act as if I am ok and nothing is wrong… this is what I tell myself when ever anyone asks are you ok…or how are you… I guess its time I be honest. Well its been happening since age 6. My mom ain’t in the room, or my at school teaching, at the store whichever. So me and my dad and brother are home. We seem to get in arguements alot my brother overreacts easily as well as my dad next thing i […]
It’s hard to stay alive when you have nothing to live for. When the person you loved the most left and now you have no one by your side. You want to have a chance but you’re scared it won’t work. You’re scared to let go and that’s when you start to build walls around you; to protect yourself from others. You can never be the same again and it’s hard. Hard knowing that the person you were back then won’t come back.
Am I okay? I don’t know. I feel lost and alone. I have people who love me but they could never understand what […]
Sorry I’m so wordy, and you probably don’t care. I guess I’m just whiny.
My timeline of friends and now I have no one..
People always say that “happiness is a choice”. Well, guess what? For some people, it isn’t. How do you find happiness in the breaking of a heart, in the sound of your own parents telling you to never see them again? To hear over and over again how you failed, and no matter how hard you try to think of something good, the only thing that comes to mind is that you’ll be dying soon. It’s not like there isn’t any happiness. There is. It’s just not enough to win compared to all the disasters and failures we have to face. Being happy isn’t a […]
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Is suicide actually selfish if you’ve tried everything you know of out there to get better? Isn’t it selfish for others to stop you if you have tried everything? To stay living in torture just so that others can continue on as normal, how’s that fair?