There’s something inside of me, I’m considered a dead man. I’m alive now, but i’ll try, again and again, and again. Because I can not stop. I’ve been completely consumed by this. I hate, everything. I’ve learned to hate myself, and now I can’t take that back. I ruined my life, numerous times, and I’ll continue to do so. It’s as if I no longer control my body. I’ll try again. Till I am no more. Considering that, I’m already dead. It hasn’t happened yet, and it’ll happen again.
Yeah, yeah, I know – more generic “hopeful” bullshit. But, hey … one way or another, we are all still here, despite everything. I kinda think we deserve some credit for that 😉
L4Y
I am not depressed…. I am not even feeling very down…. I am not happy… but I am not unhappy…. I am somewhere just above midline… Another failure in life reminding me that my efforts don’t matter my limitations will raise up and remind me I am so close to making it into regular life but just can’t make it over the fence… I am tired of being on this side of the fence… I want to hold it together… 3 mouths are counting on me holding it together but the longer I go the further away I am moving from them… Haven’t talked with […]
My question is always why. Why do I feel this? Why does it have to be me? Why do I feel guilty? Why am I hated? Why am I judged? Why do I act like this? Why did my best friend ditch me? Why am I ugly? Why am I fat? Why do people care if they’ll judge me anyways? Why? Why is the question we ask ourselves everyday. We want an answer. We perceive things different from other, but why? Why can’t I listen to bands such as the Arctic Monkeys? Why am I judged if I am different? Why do I exist? Why […]
Your voice was the only thing that could calm me down. When I was on the bathroom floor with a bottle of pills and a cold blade in my hand, you were there. You called me and just hearing your voice made me relax and breath. You changed me but you left. I have no idea who i am anymore or what my purpose is. Im lost without you by my side. I cry everyday at the thought that i wont be hearing your voice before i fall asleep. I wont be hearing your voice when i wake up. I wont be getting any sweet […]
There are a lot of things going on in my life and I don’t know if I can handle it anymore. I blame my mom for everything and my whole family are just judge mental. I’m never good enough for anyone or anything. The guy who recently told me he “loved me” I found out he danced with another guy at a gay club and got his number. I thought he was the one bc I love him. I think in the back of my head I knew he might be gay or bi but I don’t want to believe it. I’m scared on how […]
Hi everyone, English is not my mother tongue so sorry if I make mistakes.. I come from a country where we don’t talk about suicide. I found this website by writing “helium suicide” and I started reading all of these sad stories. I decided to write mine I don’t know why but it feels like I need to.
My childhood was horrible. My father was an alcoholic and when he drank, he did all the terrible things that a father can do to his children and wife (no details…). I started thinking about suicide when I was about 13 and I tried to commit suicide at […]
I feel so glad to have found this site. I just want to say what I’ve felt for so long without the typical, “It’ll get better! You’ll be fine!”. I’ve attempted suicide 3 times. First time I chickened out of shooting myself, second time I drank 5 energy drinks and took sleep aids and that didn’t work. I’m just a freshman in college…I did this in high school. The third time almost worked I think. I suffocated myself with duct tape. Sounds stupid, right? I woke the next morning. My lungs were on fire and my sides hurt, but I woke up. For a while […]
I forgot what it feels like to write. I decided to start writing almost everyday again starting now. I just wanna get all my feelings out. I havent been here in awhile. 2 months but it seems like something always brings me back. I like all of you. You know what i go through. No one else understands. Yes i should be thankful that i have people in my life when some don’t have any but even if they are here. Are they really here? My parents are oblivious and believes that mental illnesses are not real. My dad once told me that if i […]
I was 5 when it really started to fall apart you see I was never really normal I just suppose that’s when I actually noticed it. that what was happening was wrong that’s what I should have realized but instead what I thought was that everything that was happening to me was okay, It wasn’t an I didn’t know that, I really wish I had. My dad was very mean to me I grew up an cut myself in 6th grade for the first time from then on I couldn’t stop I haven’t either that was 3 years ago. This is my story if you want to hear more […]
sometimes you loose sense of everything, especially, if you are all surround by you enemies. And indiana jones doesn’t seem, he is their to save you. But rather to see you get scavenge. One wise man has said, the worst enemy of yours is always closer to you and you won’t know him until the itching voice of the trigger getting pulled down. And you are so close to your defeat such that, you don’t even have the time to calculate how much time you have left. Hmm… A wise man, eh ? But then once you know him; even on that little time, you […]
sometimes you loose sense of everything, especially, if you are all surround by you enemies. And indiana jones doesn’t seem, he is their to save you. But rather to see you get scavenge. One wise man has said, the worst enemy of yours is always closer to you and you won’t know him until the itching voice of the trigger getting pulled down. And you are so close to your defeat such that, you don’t even have the time to calculate how much time you have left. Hmm… A wise man, eh ? But then once you know him; even on that little time, you […]
Killing myself tonight. Everything is lost. I’ve been on here for a year, yet I can’t only have this.
Well after being upped from 20 to 40mg fluoxetine daily after a bad episode of depression I fell that life is more pointless than ever. I have no passions, find no enjoyment in anything at all and have no enthusiasm for anything, as well as having increasing bad social anxiety, making it unfortunately difficult for me to do my work for university. Overall I am morbidly unhappy; everything is just so dull and boring. I constantly ask myself is life worth the effort and is there any point to going on because I am sure that I will end my own life someday. I fantasise […]
I keep reliving the same day over and over again. Wake up, nothing has changed. My thoughts instantly go to suicide to stop the pain. I constantly think about what I’ve lost and that there is nothing left. I’m so tired of crying every day. Now I’m to the point of this horrendous wail that I can’t control. I’m alone in a 5 bedroom house and the sound just echoes off of everything. Has anyone else experienced this heart wrenching moan? It used to be just simple crying but now it’s just a primal howl. Various times throughout the day, I wish for something to […]
It’s raining
I used to love the sound of rain. It calmed me. It drizzled through the leaves in the tree in the rose garden when we huddled together and ate sushi one afternoon. That is all gone now. Gone forever.
It’s raining
I can see her dancing in the yard with nothing but a big floppy hat. The rain made her happy. It washed away all of her tears and all of her fears. There are no more tears. She is no more.
It’s raining
How I loved to walk in the rain. Walking for miles on end. I could leave everything I hated, and that […]
has come and gone and I still can’t believe any of it. Exactly a year ago I was in a very shitty relationship that was falling apart and taking me down with it. I can’t believe that it finally ended especially the way everything has gone down. I also can’t believe that in two months I will have had a close friendship with someone for an entire year. That person whether they meant to help me or not did more than I could have ever imagined. I am so grateful for that, for them and everything that they have done. I am sad because these […]
What is hope? Hope is an ideal. An ideal that involves some conception of a type of safety…whether it be in a hope for something in the future, and hope that someone actually cares, a hope that someone will actually understand, whatever it may be. But what can be said of hope when there is no such thing as safety? There is no safety in friends, no safety in success, no safety even in family. There is no safety in myself. It’s like there are some kind of demons in my head that won’t leave me alone. Everything good is bad, everything bad is worse. […]
ever feel like you’re losing everything? you watch from a distance, but even from another perspective, you can’t manage to make sense of what’s happening.
so you choose just one thing to hold onto. it doesn’t really matter what it is, but you make it mean everything, because you need something to stay. you need this one thing for the world to revolve around because if the world doesn’t have an axis then what the fuck. you’re too scared to let go, you might fall and you have no idea where you will land.
but happens when you start to doubt that one thing? when […]
It was all so fucking perfect, so foolproof. Nothing could go wrong, I was ready to go, I needed to go. Everything was in place no one would know. Then smack bang out of the blue the night I decided to die was the night another (elderly) family member died. I mean there was no way I could do it people would be calling now there would be no privacy no time. How could this happen? And now I’m stuck here in my own hell with no way out because now I have to wait. How much longer do I have to suffer, is it […]