Not really sure why I’m doing this, I stumbled across this site to let family and friends know if something was to happen. Coming here I’ve read a lot of people’s personal struggles, and my heart goes out to you all, and to you FUCKS out there with your perfect lives, well you can chew on this, cause if anyone can go through what I have and not think about putting a fuckin hole through the back of your head, well you’re definitely a better man than me, so here it goes. Not gonna bother with my miserable childhood, I’ll just say my pops isn’t […]
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everything
I can’t breathe, I can’t move, I can’t do this anymore. I just want it to end. Everything go black and disappear. I want to carve just to feel something other than this complete darkness that covers me. No one can help me. No one can help.
It’s strange. Just some minutes ago I was feeling numb and empty and now my feelings are taking me down. I stare out of the window asking myself “Well, would those stones really kill me if I jumped with my head ahead on them?” Then my other voice decides for me: “Too risky, the chance of surviving and end up in a clinic with everyone thinking you’re mad and idiotic and eventually leaving you too is just WAY too high…” Wow. My mind sure knows how things work and what makes me feel better again. Not.
I’m in this I-hate-myself-can’t-do-anything-anymore-but-being-depressed-I-just-wanna-die mood again, if you know […]
I don’t think people here really appreciate the hard work you put to this site. You’ve given us broken people here a community that has saved many lives and brought many of us life-long friends. Thank you for everything that you’ve built for us. You’re all the coolest!
P.s. the default picture icons you added to this site is way cool.
P.p.s .. Adding messaging would be cool too.. And complementary cookies.
Today, surprisingly, I wasn’t as hyperactive for a few hours. I still wasn’t anywhere near the ‘normal calm’, but I wasn’t talking constantly and I didn’t rush around everywhere as much.
Although, it’s gotten bad again as time has got on. It’s now 2AM, and I’m somewhat “calmer” again – but I can feel the hyperness coming back.
My mum found out I’ve done no work for college over the holiday – which ultimately means I’ll fail this year and be kicked off the course – and she yelled at me non-stop for a good half hour.
I’ve tried to tell her I’ve had more important things to […]
Chimichangas are awesome, and so is General Tso’s Chicken, but Thursday I discovered that if you consume both of them in the same day, you will fart approximately 1,391 times. Which isn’t the best situation if you’re in public trying to get things done.
Also I went to pick up my refills Thursday and the pharmacy LOST my prescription. As in, I wasn’t even in their system anymore. So they had to look me up in a different computer and refill everything all over again. And it took them FOUR TIMES before they finally put it through the right insurance and got everything to ring up […]
I’ve been struggling with my depression for years but it’s never gotten this incapacitating. In the past year I’ve spiraled downwards, anxiety striking every chance it gets, invasive thoughts running wild any time I wasn’t able to distract myself. The only thing that kept me sane has been my girlfriend. The most amazing, down to earth, just perfect person I’ve ever met. I was ready to marry her, I’d give my life for her. We were doing great (or so it seemed to me) until spring break trip where I was forced to go with my family and have the worst time id had in […]
It’s been a long time since I posted something here again. So here I am, still alive. Remember my post entitled “April 2”? that should be my date of death. I should’ve been dead by now. But still, I’m alive. But now I wish I wasn’t. I regret choosing to live again. I thought everything might turn out good this time. I tried changing. But every time I’m trying, something bad always happens and it drags me down deep. And when I thought I was getting better, it turned out worse. As usual, I still do self harm scars. I still think about suiciding. And […]
This is a scenario I have played out a few times in my mind. I sometimes wish I had an observer so I could show them all the mental suffering I go through on a daily basis. Everything from how interactions with people is basically me being an anxious, dumb minded wreck to seeing how little enjoyment I get from the things I should be enjoying.
Ideally the observer should be placed in my head and feel the same things (ooo maybe a cool sci fi story can be made about this). They eventually will soon realize that something must be done and this state cannot […]
For as long as I can remember, I didn’t think life was worth living because everything in my eyes was absurd, then I met a guy, started talking to him and he made me feel loved, he gave me a reason to smile again, But on October 20th I got word that my nephew had committed suicide. I hit a new low. I was at ROCK BOTTOM. Getting that news was paralyzing. I felt like my dreams were ripped from my very hands, torn, and thrown in my face. I started to shut everyone out including the guy who was my light for several months. […]
Self-explanatory question, I don’t really go on here too often or know exactly how everything works I know I’m an idiot but I was just wondering if there’s any way to direct or privately message someone through sp?
Mood – Numb.
Conscienceless in thought – Extreme low.
Mental – Cognitive.
Physical – Certain areas of my back, neck, and face are screaming.
Emotional – Someone hold me and lie to me tell me it is going to be okay.
So I had an idea to write to my disease and see if it could respond. I want to know what it wants… I do not know. I am 31 or 32 years old I do not even know without thinking and I currently can’t really do that for the fear it will make me worse off. Get fired from every job I get because I have an “authority […]
So, I am being kicked out of my house at a bad point in time and honestly i do not see a very good future for me, and i guess ive given up, im about to be homeless and id rather kill myself than be homeless. Ive spent the past 2 hours looking up painless ways to doe, there arent really any which kinda sucks, i dont have a gun i might just get super high and cut my wrist up to my forearm. i hope i wont feel it too much, i wish i could just end it right now intantly, i would be […]
First of all, I wanted to thank you for the awesome and kind advice I got from you, especially my gratitude goes to Suicidal Angel, because the advice I got from this person truly helped me. Thanks to her I was able to stay clean for 2 months and 2 days! It was a really huge achievement for me, and I couldn’t have done it without her advice I guess, so if you’re reading this (even though I doubt it) a huge thanks to you again! I’m not really able to express my gratitude to you and the other nice pieces of advice from some […]
Things have gotten better. They really have. Ive got a new job now, helping out an old friend, my depression has subsided and im ready to get off the meds now, and i barely hallucinate anymore. It used to be much worse. I wouldnt eat. I wouldnt sleep. Or i would sleep for days on end without water even. My heavy self medication with marajuana and alcohol has turned into lighter recreational use, and i feel like that previously impregnable barrier between myself and others has subsided substantially. I feel like a human being again. I feel successful even. But really, thats the problem. It […]
I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I would do anything to get your forgiveness.
Well… I’ve tried everything.
We all make mistakes. Just one stupid comment and you shut me out.
I’m really sorry. So very sorry.
I won’t bother you anymore. But know… I valued your friendship. I ruined it. I ruined everything. I’m such a fuck up.
I’m sorry. I’m so very sorry.
I know it’s not just me that has problems and I’m pretty sure my problems are so small in comparison to what other people have to go through every single day. That’s what makes me feel so guilty every time I cry at night about my life and my wish to just die and leave everything and everybody behind, especially those I love. That exact guilt is what stopped me when I tried to dehydrate myself and yet I still feel guilty, for betraying myself by not actually passively killing myself.
Some people embrace responsibilities and challenges. I avoid them.
Most people spend their 30’s, 40’s and 50’s advancing their careers and/or raising a family. I’m 30 and have no interest in either. I have friends now but I wonder how many of them I’ll still have in ten years when they’ve all “moved on.”
I was so well suited to the school environment where things were highly structured and most work was individual, but so ill suited to the real world where things are less structured and uncertain and most work is done with other people.
I completely lack basic life skills like cooking and fixing things, nor do […]
she’s hopless
she lies to keep herself alive
no one bears to see her pain
breaking everyday
everything is broken before her eyes
she feels trapped and hidden
no ones out to hear her
shes gave up so many times
its a dream for her to never wake up again
God if your really up there help her disappear
what’s left of me here?
just a brighter world and less fear
she wishes all day she can suddenly die
hoping for a way out of this hell hole
hoping someone can understand her pain
I, Kat, am ultimately helpless.
Ive been trying so hard lately to help others not feel as sad as i do, but i always end up feeling worse regardless. Theres just too much wrong in my life right now, i feel so trapped. Everything keeps going wrong for me lately. Plans, friendships, school. It doesn’t matter it all ends up the same. Horrible.
I feel like I’ve been in another persons body for too long. I cant even tell who i am anymore. I have to get out of this haze soon. It’ll be the end of me.