This is going to be my first post. I have read some posts from other people about various different things hoping it might lift my spirits up to know that I’m not the only person who feels like I do. But it doesnt. I feel better commenting back to people with positiviy, but I personally still fucking hate everything about myself and my life. I’m going no where fast. I feel like I’m just existing in this world. I’m not living. I would love to live. However, I don’t see that happening. It’s been too long feeLing like I do. Too many nights and days […]
Tag:
falling apart
I’ve been a suicideproject reader for a year now. Been depressed for 8 years, but it’s getting on and off.
Why is it so hard to leave this world? Why is it not legal to end our own life?
I keep thinking about the homeless people, people who went crazy and just roam around in the streets. I put myself into their shoes and it made me more depressed. I thought that maybe someday I will become like them. NO!! I can’t take it anymore. I want to take my own life as soon as possible. I always cry every night. Even though I am still hanging […]
Wow. I haven’t been writing for 3 months and now I’m back again. It’s funny cause I thought I was doing so well. Turns out, I’ve been lying to myself. Yes, people have it worse than me but does that mean my problems don’t matter? I’m about to start college soon after graduating early one whole year. The expectation of everyone is really weighing down on me. The stress of handling everything, every action that I take from now on is being carefully watched and judged. I’m trying to handle so many things in my life and I think I’m getting overwhelmed again. I know […]
Things are not good for me. More or less I am nothing more then a dissapointment in everything I do. I am a failure as a boyfriend,father,friend,son,grandson…you name it. I am falling apart in every way imaginable. I hate to look at myself,and no matter what I do I can’t seem to pull out of this. I tried to end it once,but was “saved” by 2 friends….not this time. I have a short period of time before my 2 year suicide clause is up on my life insurance,I have a storage unit large enough to fit my truck in it rented so no one can […]
I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about it. Everything feels like it’s falling apart.
I’m going to try to not make this as long as it was going to be before.
To summarize my problem: I have spent every day of my life almost all the time thinking about why I do what I do and how I feel about any given thing. Imagining every experience I can and trying to gain and understanding of how everyone else feels about anything. All I have ever wanted in life, as many people do, was someone who saw value in me.
The problem is because I have such an insanely high level of understanding for other people, they can’t trick me at all. […]
I didn’t want to be this way, I didn’t ask for it. I have such a fortunate life but i feel so empty , so hollow. I’m wasting what was given to me but what can i do. Oh god I’m falling apart, WHATS WRONG WITH ME !! How can i unsee it ?! All the suffering in the world, the fucked up parts of human nature. Everyone seems to be completely oblivious to it. It;s everywhere though , and my old argument the the small good things outweighs the bad is beginning to crumble. Because that is a fantasy. In this life, the quiet guy doesn’t get the girl, the hero doesn’t save the world and nobody finds happiness. […]
I’ve attempted suicide over ten times.
I’ve never been raped or lost someone close to me to death. I’ve never been homeless or starving. I’ve never run away or snuck out.
Instead, I’ve smoked and drank. I cut and I burn. I think about my death often.
I remember when my parents found out how suicidal I was. My mom laughed and then continued smoking and my step father joked about keeping me away from his tools. They never put me in a hospital, and only took me to therapy once.
They put me on a bunch of meds, […]
I’ve had depression, anxiety and anger problems for years now. I have my good patches, I have my bad. Currently it’s my longest run of bad patch, over 2 months of consecutive bad days no good ones filtered in there, it’s taking its toll really.
I have a lot of responsibility, I run a business, I just received a loan from my parents to buy a car. Every time I try and see a psychologist something comes up, a business meeting, all of my bills come out on the same day so I have no money. The problem is the bad days just keep on coming, […]
I dont know what my life has come to. I wake up every morning and struggle to find the strength to get up. The emotions just overwhelm me, i used to just be able to push it to the back of my mind but now i can hardly make it through the day without falling apart. I cry myself to sleep every night and I cut too. Its like my whole world is falling apart and I don’t know how to fix it. I seem to be pushing everyone away but i cant help it. Im not living for myself anymore im doing for my […]
“..lying awake in bed feeling the spot on my chest
where you used to
where you used to rest your head…”
– Being as an Ocean
The Hardest Part is Forgetting Those You Swore You Would Never Forget
This song kills me every time. It was ours. It was one of our many. This was our band. right up there with Trophy Scars. Why did i give you so much of […]
Always been the person to be there for everyone else. No matter what I went thru I pushed that aside to help the ones who couldn’t ever offer help me when I feel the same pain or in my opinion worse.. But what happens when I feel I need someone to be there? When I feel like I’m falling apart or becoming weak who other than myself can I talk too..clearly I know the answer to that, I just don’t want to believe it. So stressed out and wish that being my only friend and only comfort was enough. Sometimes it has been but that’s […]
today is a dangerous day for me. my husband is currently out of the state. my therapists and shrink don’t work on fridays. not that i would reach out to them anyway. i am alone with my thoughts and my gun. today is not the day i had originally chosen, but what is the difference? it is not going to change things if i wait a few more days. my “funky” way of thinking is not going to be changed. i have tried to explain how this go around has been different than the others. but i don’t have the words. all i can say […]
I can’t cope with this anymore. Everythings falling apart. Nobody cares about me and the only person that does, the girl I love with all my heart doesn’t anymore either. I’m a wreck. I break down, I get so angry, I cry, I can’t sleep and it happens everyday. I want to end my life so bad. Nobody will care that I’m gone. It will end all the pain I’ve put on people and they wont have to stress about me anymore. I have a plan. I’m going to write a suicide not explaining everything, I’m going to sneak out when everyone is asleep then […]
Everything is falling apart. My girlfriend was kidnapped, held against her will, and raped.For days. she is not the same any more . I promised her I would keep her safe and I failed.i love her so much and I wish I could take her pain away. I have recently started using drugs again and I can’t stop. Im losing everything i love. I want to be strong for her but I’ve never felt more weak in my life. I need help. She is suicidal andd is in a mental institution. I try to give her reasons to live but I can’t find one for […]
now I can spend more time thinking about how I’m falling apart without having to go through proxy websites to read the entries here.
That being said. I feel like i’m falling apart. I feel like i should be in the psych ward. I got a cut on my wrist but i don’t know how. I was washing my dishes on Sunday and I noticed it. it’s about an inch long and perfectly straight. I noticed because I’d started bleeding. I started looking at the my knives that i was cleaning to see if i had done it accidentally but i didn’t see blood on any […]
I have been cutting for 13 years.
I want to die i have a date
I feel like he woyld be better off if i wasnt in his life. I raise him on my own. I have no help. I cant pick myself up anymore. I dont want him around me because i hate that im always fucking misreable and dont want him picking up on it. Nothing makes me happy im always putting on that fake fucking smile for everything abd everyone. I love my little one so much he is my world that is why i put on that fake smile everyday but i feel […]
I’m nearly 30 years old. I’m in a long-term relationship with a live-in partner. We live in an apartment in a house. I work from home and because of this I basically work 24/7. My partner works as a delivery man but only works about 5 hours a day. His hand is broken from punching a wall when he was angry. He uses his broken hand as his newest excuse to be lazy.
There’s a lot of resentment. He spends most of his money on marijuana. This is a daily occurrence. Any attempt to discuss this issue is met with fighting, me being to blame […]
*i want to apologize in advance. These are the things I can’t say to the man who promised the world and took everything I had left.
I can’t do this anymore. I can’t deal with you pretending I don’t exist one day and making small talk the next. I don’t want to live waiting for the day you decide to start caring. The things you said about me that night are killing me. Was there ever a time that you loved me, or was it all lies? I’m so tired. You only text me when you’re sad or upset, but you ignore me when I need […]
I have a job as a seasonal tax preparer. It’s not great, but it’s a step into the accounting field. I’ve started this semester with an unprecedented 3.86 GPA. I’ve never had higher than maybe a 3.20 in my almost 34 years of life before this.
And I’m empty. Broken. There’s a highly specifically shaped hole in my heart and in my life. A life that is falling apart around the edges. The check I postdated to pay for one textbook will bounce. I can’t pay for the other at all. There is no more help from […]