im fat, stupid, dumb, a waste. my boyfriend threatens to break up with me because im depressed. my family members all think im a brat for not being interested in anything they have to say. all i want to do is die. its easier than waking up everyday knowing someones going to do something to hurt me. Then im dramatic for feeling and thinking this way. no ones cares and everybody judges. i cant find any reasons to be happy, i know im not alone but thats what it feels like.
Tag:
Family Members
I was at that muslim cemetery you were buried in, which is a little heart wrenching because you are without a doubt athiest. I found some kind of ritual you can do to bring a loved one back for a little while, it was hell to do, but it was possible and I did it. You came back but it wasn’t the same. You were happier, and more at peace, rather you were still your condescending self. Just not as much. We talked for a while, and I felt so much better. Your family members and some friends came to the gravesite. Some could see […]
Ever get the feeling that if you disappeared, it would be weeks before anyone other than work colleagues and family members found out?
That’s how I feel.
Yesterday I attended the funeral of a young woman from work who committed suicide. She was 24, exceptionally talented, well-travelled, enthusiastic, professional and extremely insightful with a social conscience and maturity years beyond her age. Was this woman’s experience similar to mine? I am in my late twenties. When I was 21 I attempted suicide. To others, I had everything to live for. I was healthy and athletic, I’d been accepted into a highly competitive course at a prestigious university, and my family was loving and supportive. Those around me did not understand the course of my depression and anxiety, and despite my efforts to […]
I’m 13 years old, turning 14 in March 13. I’m here again. Alone. I’ve been sexually abused by two family members and physically abused by almost every single person in my family. I’ve been beaten with objects. I can still taste the blood inside my mouth when it got busted and bruised. I’m insecure. I have cuts all over my legs and arms. And I have P.E too, we’re forced to wear shorts, I have to run everyday in the lockers and change as fast as possible making sure no one is able to see. I keep my razor inside my phone case, just in […]
Tomorrow I’m seeing my doctors because they’ve made that decision for me and my grandparents have decided that they will make decisions and support other people’s decisions that have been made for me, even though I haven’t made them. Ok. Do I want to live like this? No. I can’t let some of my family members down. I can’t let myself down especially.. I’m no longer a nice person towards my grandparents. I hate their guts. They’re helpful to me because they have to be. I’m sometimes nice to them because I have to be. My two doctors nearly referred me to the mental staff […]
Hey.
I am Kriss. 15. From Ohio. I’m a girl, btw. There are SO MANY posts wondering if people know how they feel, if they’re really alone. But please, listen to me!
You are never alone! You may not believe this, you may not care, but you have ME, GOD, FAMILY MEMBERS (yes I am sure you have at least one. If not a family friend or something like that) and other TRUSTED ADULTS. You are not alone. I know how it feels to be alone- I am one of those kids that constantly feels alone. But really we are not alone.
If you were alone, would these […]
I’ve put off writing this, because I don’t know what this is. I don’t know what I need to say.. I know that I have many thoughts that aren’t coming out right in my head and I can’t share them outloud because they only nod their heads in response. I knew a guy who committed suicide. I think about him everyday. Wonder if he knew me too. I cry when I think about people growing old. About my family members growing old while I’m away and then when I snap back to reality in 10years… they’ll be dead or no longer who I grew up […]
Hello all, I’m new here. And I’m wondering if anyone else could decipher the above question for me. My (highly depressed) friend and I were talking about it a while ago, but considering we’re both kind of screwed up in the head, we never came to a conclusion. I just… don’t understand how someone can live for him or herself. I admire people who can do that but… I can’t comprehend it.
Maybe it’s cause I’ve lived most of my life trying to live up to people’s expectations (and failing) but… Aren’t we surrounded by attachments – family members, friends etc…? In a sense, don’t we […]
Mitch Lucker’s death really hit me hard. I cried over his death like I should have a family members’. Â A lot of people say how can a band change your life, before one did…I thought the same. But when a band or maybe just a single song changes your life…you just know. Suicide Silence and Mitch Lucker in general are one of the bands that made me who I am. Changed my life really.
RIP Mitch we will miss you. You changed my life and so many others, thank you <3
I used to self-harm..
It wasn’t serious.. It only used to be scars.. Only once it bled, and when it did, it didn’t bleed that much.
I started this year.. At the beginning of this year.. When I was 12. Now, I’m 13.
I don’t know what got to me but I broke.. I was depressed and no one knew about it.. My past was No one was there. I did have friends, but none of them knew about what I did to myself. I was never a talker. So none of them really knew.. Which was good. No one would really know me.. I tried to spill […]
My little sister is nine – and since im somewhat glad to say that tonight will be my last night – i wrote letters to all my family members , and friends – this is to my little sister when she gets older….The Following is a letter to sofia ( please give to Mom and Dad until sofia reaches 12 or until you feel that you need to give it to her)
Hey Lil’ sis ! Miss you – If your reading this – then you know that im dead , and i have been dead for a long time now… I would love to have […]
Im sure I sound like a million different ppl u all have heard but, SUICIDE IS NEVER THE WAY!!!!! PLEASE PLEASE READ MY STORY AND I HOPE IT CAN HELP AT LEAST ONE PERSON. I came home from the hospital about 3 hours ago and it starts like this…. I an 23 years old/female and have struggled with depression and anxiety from the age of 12. I was sexually abused as a child by multipule family members including my own father. i have always struggled with my identity and feeling that others didnt love me and i never loved myself very much either. I have […]
My brother died when i was 9. Withing a course of 4 years, 10 more family members died.
I was diagnosed with manic depression and anorexia at the age of 12.
I use to be a major self harmer.
I am proud to say it has been over one month. <3
At the age of 13, i fell in love, and lost my virginity to a boy who i thought would never leave.. 4 days later he left. I wanted to die.
He called me a slut, easy, whore, ****, insecure, ugly, disgusting, fat.
I have forever thought of myself as these things, since he has said them because at one […]
I know that somebody posted about this yesterday but I wanted to put my 2 pence in. So a little context about me, I’m gay and I live in England. I’m also mixed race (basically I’m the klu klux klan/BNP/neo nazis worst nightmare) I’ve suffered some serious abuse in the past and lost family due to my sexuality, as well as some extreme racist abuse! What I don’t understand is why people are still both homophobic and racist today! And for that matter sexist and any other ist!
My first annoyance about the abuse is homophobia and the whole ‘its a choice’ bollocks! No it isn’t, […]
This post probably will have little to none importance and I shouldn’t go through with what I will but I am coward and a loser. There’s hasn’t been much failures in my life until now and when I usually set my mind to do something I do it. You know, like a challenge you assign yourself and you are determined to accomplish i by whatever means.
24 of age currently. I’ve lived a normal life I like to think but in reality it’s not. Honestly comparing to some other posts I’ve read in the past few days mine doesn’t come as close for a reason to […]
Well I got back from my friends, and it wasnt as awkward as I thought. It was normal, and even my other friend who came over today and didnt know about it. After he found out I lost 6 pounds taking them he made polite jokes about them instead of asking the usual questions such as why do you need to take those. It was just…great. It really seemed happy. Not even seemed..I really felt happy. When I got home I kinda lost the little high feeling I felt,but I dont feel like im about to have a breakdown like I did Tuesday.
Oo and interesting […]
Most of my life I have not felt motivated to do anything by my family. My mom is the only one who shows some support but I find myself saying “Why can’t my other family members do that?” Now look I do know what self motivation is in fact I consider myself the master of it because if I wanted motivation I would have to give myself it. For awhile it seemed good for things to be like that. You know put myself through some stuff without any encouragement but after awhile I long for it. I don’t ask for much just a simple “You […]
I am starting to feel like I am being punished for being alive, I wasn’t truly meant to exist anyway since I was unplanned. I can’t have one good thing happen and if something does, I pay for it later on. I have been through so much in my life, was mentally and physically abused by my dad, had to watch it happen to my mom who is disabled, been into women’s shelters, was raised in a cult like religion which left me without friends, social activities was highly restricted, no help from them with what was going on at home since they said in […]
I set a date for myself last week. I’ve been counting it down since then, day-by-day.  Every day that I count down makes me feel almost…hopeful.  What irony, huh?  I don’t know whether I’m going to be able to follow though, when the time comes, but I’m seriously going to try. I’ve been making concrete plans and actually doing things to make come about.  I won’t give away the actual method (since we’re not really supposed to do that here), but let’s just say it’s going to be as quick as possible, with little chance for any mistakes.Â
I’m trying not to be selfish about this, […]