what a life i have. my parents with there sharp tongues and quick jokes. such bullshit they know the impact they have on me its ridicilous i honestly dont know how ive made it this far. and to think when i was 9 years old being called a mother fucked by your own mother who didnt care who didnt think that would do anything to her son. what stopped me from pulling that knife quick across my throat, there are good things in this world but in my case they come rare and often stay short. bits of happiness for me was looking at the […]
Tag:
Fear
It will never be ok…
I’ve been “struggling” with depression since I was nine; I’m thirty-three now. I have been on hundreds of medications and finished sixteen rounds of ECT (8 unilateral, 8 bilateral) in May. Long story short, things are not better.
I feel a huge amount of guilt and fear about leaving my husband behind, but I can no longer distract myself from the fact that I want it to end and it doesn’t seem that is going to happen. I have been severely depressed, unable to go to school, unable to even bathe, for three and a half years now. I love my husband more than I knew […]
Well, it’s 2:08 at night and I’m still awake. I’ve been in bed for 3 hours. I hate it when I’m so tired but I cannot sleep. I can never turn my mind off. I’ve never been able too. It drives me nuts. With my mind racing from thought to thought to thought………….it’s frustrating. Although, I’ve always been a “night owl”. But, not so much anymore. It’s really not like it was when I was little. When I was little I could sleep for 6 hours and not be tired at all. And, I was a “night owl” because I never really was tired. But now, […]
Dear Suicide Project,
FML. I want to kill myself, but my fear of eternal damnation in hell keeps me from doing so. Would someone kindly shove a knife through my heart.
XOXO’s
Cory
As some of you may know, I was raped and abused by my cousin. I hate the fact that my family still has us see each other. And, I always have to choose between:
A: Not going to where ever we’re going as a family and miss out. Which also means not seeing my younger brother or my aunt.
B: Going, and be an anxious freak the whole time. End up crying afterward. And have a huge fear for days of him hurting me again.
I don’t think it’s fair that I have to choose. Like last Saturday, my aunt and I were supposed to go to my other aunts […]
I have horrible anxiety. I’m not completely sure why. But it’s controlling my life. Or rather it affects my life. Greatly. Anyways, the reason why I’m so anxious all the time is because I was abused, raped, and neglected as a child. Even though, technically speaking, I still am a child (I’m 13). The neglect had ended 3 years ago. But the abuse and rape went on until this past fall. Now it’s done. It’s gone. But I feel like it was just yesterday………… So, ya. I have been diagnosed with GAD. But I counselor said I don’t need a medication for it. I also have alot of crazy and creepy fears. These […]
I’m glad there is a forum like this that I can relate to. I have a wife and 3 kids and I am 30 years old. I’ve been thinking of suicide for years now and over the past few months have gotten past this weird barrier that I had before. I was so cautious and scared to kill myself before and now I feel like nothing is stopping me. Sort of like a green light. Now I don’t obsess about it as I used to and have moved onto phase 2 in finding the right way to do it. One thing I learned is that […]
I’ve been my practically my whole life in fear and revulsion of gays. Growing up, I never knew why I Â never knew why I hated them so much, especially older, white gays. Whenever they were around me, I would start sweating heavily and try to get away. If I couldn’t get away, if for example IÂ had to attend a meeting and they were there, I would look for trouble and try to antagonise them. This is not in my nature, so I couldn’t understand what was wrong with me. I knew it wasn’t some latent homosexuality in me, because what they did disgusted me and […]
I’m new here. But I’m not new to the concept. I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of cutting. I’m tired of pulling my hair out in frustration. I’m tired of being hated. I’m tired of walking into a room and wanting to run out for fear of people thinking I’m crazy or annoying.
I hate me.
I’m a 19 year old girl in college persuing an astrophysics and math double major. Yeah, I know. Same reaction I get from everyone. “Do you have some sort of death wish!?” If they only knew the truth in that question.
I’m not going to list the reasons that I feel sorry […]
The every day has become so petty. It is such a struggle to put up the front of being “okay” with the way things are when it all seems, and often is, so meaningless. It takes courage to walk away from a job and security without a backup plan. How do I look at myself and decide what I can do that makes me feel good…maybe a long forgotten chidhood dream can be pursued. It seems easy to be surrounded by selfish and weak people and hard to find people supportive and caring.Â
Suicide is not easy; Although many people say that it is.  It […]
All alone in this place of no hope
All alone in my saddest sorrows
With no where to turn but my self
With all my fear until i fall
Fall ungreatfully into the
melted memories of him
The times he said he loved me
All just a lie, I try not to cry but the tears fall out
Alone until he finally sees me
Alone and waiting ut hes gone and i know it
The worst part is my parents hate me more and more each day.
My own hate toward myself my own regret
My tiny drops of blood
Then i died.
So, what happened… Thursday night, I downed a bottle of medicine, because someone three fries short of a happy meal wrote on a website that “liquid is absorbed faster than pills.†So I thought… I die faster, and I fall asleep before I suffer. So much for that idea…
Obviously, my plan didn’t work. I didn’t have to go to the hospital or anything, though. I downed it, and my heart was pounding, to the point that I just knew I was going to die. So I laid down in bed, pulled the covers over my head, turned on Relient K, and tried to go to […]
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