My first memory was when I was three, I was in a store and running from my father, I had this little pony tail, and my dad grabbed it and pulled me back, slamming the back of my head onto the ground. I don’t remember anything after that… and then the next memory I remember is when I was at this “Mental Hospital” I was about 5 years old, and had just woken up inside this room, there was no padding, there was a vinyl floor, everything was white or close to it, there was no toilet, no sink, no bed, no cot, no pillow, […]
Tag:
Fear
So, I never thought i’d be trying to talk to people online for advise but here goes nothing… Iv’e been with many women trying to find that one girl and all of my relationships have never really lasted long because I just emotionally refuse to fully give myself to someone until my last relationship. I hope you won’t judge but my last relationship was online in an online game me and my friend used to play and I met this girl, she was really nice and I was getting in to her and I could feel she liked me and just when I was getting […]
I have been cutting for about three months now. I cut my wrists, legs and stomach. I have been very good at hiding them, at least I thinks so, but now I have a problem. I’m sick therefore not going to school and left alone at home for the day. My mom’s friend is a doctor and my mom asked her to come over and check upon me, find out why I’m sick and how to recover. I’m so scared that the doctor is going to make me undress, because I’ve been to doctors loads of times before I started self harming and many times […]
Still have hope for a better life?
Don’t want to cause pain to loved ones?
Don’t really want to be dead yet and just exploring the possibility of one’s “exit options”?
Use the thought of suicide just to self-sooth the pain?
Ambivalent about dying?
Lack of courage to commit suicide?
Procrastination on suicide?
Afraid of failing your attempt and ending up in a worse state?
Fear of death/hell/afterlife/God’s judgement?
Or something else?
I’m only here because I’m afraid of failing and ending up in a worse state… There are things far worse than death. For instance, my current life. But it would be much, much worse if I end up with brain injury and in […]
I remember everything that day.. the fight, the feelings of apathy from people who I thought cared about me, and the last song I heard before I went into my coma. The day started out normal with the exception of me waking up late and having to take a quick shower before class. My roommate made it well-known that she was pretty irritated by my actions because she wouldn’t even speak to me the entire day. I tried to ignore it, but the caring person I am tried to fix whatever she was upset about. When I came home, she was downstairs and I knew […]
I know there are endless threads on this topic but I can’t seem to find a consistent answer. Does anyone know of a painless way to commit suicide (either from research or from a painless past overdose)? I do not know if I will get a response and if I do receive one I am not looking for some form of moral support. I understand that there is much to take out of life and that, as the 15 year old I am, I have not yet experienced many of the joys life has to offer, but I have suffered for too long. Medications and […]
This feeling of, ‘wanting to just die’ has last for about 4 years now. I’ve tried hanging myself multiple times, but I always fail… I use to walk down the road hoping a car would hit me. I’ve had close near death experiences from drugs and alcohol, but wonder why I hadn’t died? That raises the question to what is my purpose on this planet. Nowadays, I have no urge to kill myself, but just hopes that something would just end me instantly. So now I try to hope everyday, that a miracle (that I think in the back of my mind won’t happen) would […]
I can’t handle it anymore, i just want to end my life, I’m a mess, and I’m a mean person with everyone I love.
My dad just die in 2011, and it hits me so hard, and I was so angry, because he never was there for me, even after all, I loved him, he’s my dad and I just wanted him with me to protect me.
I almost commit suicide because of that, and it didn’t happen because I was afraid, I’m still afraid.
After three years, now my mom has a boyfriend and he’s a kind person, he has two daughters, the younger one is so […]
Reality is boring & LIMITED !!
Real life is boring & LIMITED !!
Real world is boring & LIMITED !!
I also hate this life, I hate people / humans (well.. MOST/90% of them), I hate reality, I hate this world.
its very BORING !! and especially nowadays become ONLY very materialistic, money / profits driven only, all about money, money, money, & image, image, image! ; it’s very superficial, shallow, and mundane boring!
Why movies, video games, comics, books, novels, anime/manga, creative Art, basically human’s IMAGINATION & fantasy is often/always a hundred times FAR much more interesting & better than this sad, mundane, boring, superficial, […]
fuck Reality ! Reality sucks ! Real world sucks ! Real life sucks ! Reality boring ! Real life boring ! Real world boring ! movies, novels books, comics, games, manga/anime are better than Reality !!
by niki
written by niki
fuck Reality ! fuck real life ! fuck real world !
Reality sucks ! Real world sucks ! Real life sucks !
Reality boring ! Real life boring ! Real world boring !
movies, novels, comics, games, manga/anime are better than Reality !!
there is no MAGIC, no SUPERPOWER , no ‘cool, magical’ SUPERHERO / SUPERHEROES like in those movie , novel , comics , game / games , manga / anime , etc etc !
FUCKING BORING real world / real life / reality !!!
I also hate this life, I hate people / humans, I hate reality, I hate this world.
its very BORING […]
is superhero real exist ? are superheroes real exist ? is superpower or magic real exist ? (like in those cool movies, games, comics, novels, books, anime / manga, etc) ? fuck this boring reality / real world / real life !!
by niki
written by niki
is superhero real exist ?
are superheroes real exist ?
is superpower or magic real exist ? (like in those cool movies, games, comics, novels, books, anime / manga, etc) ?
you know, like in those ‘cool’ superhero movies : X-Men (X Men), Superman, Thor, Spiderman, Iron man, Captain America, or in those ‘cool’ fantasy / sci-fi (sci fi, science fiction) movies : Harry Potter, Narnia, Lord of the Rings, Avatar, TRON, or games like Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, etc etc ..
otherwise, fuck this boring reality / real world / real life !!
I hate reality, I hate life , I hate this very *LIMITED* & […]
Why movie , game , novel , comics , book , anime/manga , human’s IMAGINATION is FAR much better than this boring Reality / real world / real life ??
by niki
written by niki
Why movies is better & more interesting than this boring Reality / real world / real life ?
Why video games is better & more interesting than this boring Reality / real world / real life ?
Why novels is better & more interesting than this boring Reality / real world / real life ?
Why comics is much better & more interesting than this boring Reality / real world / real life ?
Why anime/manga is better & more interesting than this boring Reality / real world / real life ?
in conclusion :
Why human’s IMAGINATION is better & more interesting than this boring […]
Not really in the mood to delve in the whys and where-to’s. About a month ago, now, I decided that perhaps it would be best to end my life. I’m setting into motion what I feel should be done before I leave, and it will take me a while. I have a lot of student loans, and if I die, I’m sure the burden may go to my family. I still need to find out how true this is. I also would like to help my mother pay for her house and get it together; she needs a few new appliances and perhaps I can […]
Um, hello.
I’m not quite sure if anyone is going to read this, or how this works in general, but I am just going to say what I feel like saying.
Usually, what was happening to me in the past couple of years, was that I would become moderately anxious and depressed when the end of the school year came around. I would go to my psychotherapist, and by the end of summer, I would feel just fine. This process repeated for about 2 years.
But this year, I feel like it’s not like the “process” at all.
I started feeling worthless and depressed towards the beginning of the year, and then […]
–Fictional work of a delusional nobody—
Hello and the fact that you’re reading this means that you were the poor unfortunate bastard who found my body(i’m terribly sorry about the mess the envelope in my pocket contains money for a cleaning service and there business card).
Now on to business shall we, where were we , ahh yes you’ve found me, now im guessing you are wondering why what could have possessed me to do such a thing well I hate to dissapoint you but im not completely sure why i did it either there have been many factors that have lead me to my decision but […]
If you read, I hope you find something… Just wanted to share. Namaste
by mementomori
written by mementomori
I just came back from an interesting night. A random camping night at the beach. Tho after some events the night seemed to be turning into NOT what I expected BUT it became more pleasant and peaceful than what I could imagine.
First it was the company, tho it was people I know, is not the kind of people I got use to do things with this past few years. So didn’t know what to expect. Adding to that was my “fear” of thinking of her again, miss her right there in the middle of nowhere, wishing she was there. Wanting her by my […]
I find myself crying. It seems to be the only thing I’m constant and good at lately. I find myself bursting into tears moment after moment. I try to hold on to those moments of clarity when my energy shifts and my ideals and desires seem so clear. But I can’t, this wave of pain seems to catch me over and over again and no matter how hard I paddle it strikes and submerge me into it’s darks waters.
I feel lost, confused and covered by this dark shadow that rarely allows light to come in. I tried once to commit suicide, in a moment of […]
I am tired of waking up to the same day. My day is filled with emptiness and sadness. I love a man that will never love me back. His excuses exhaust me. “I love you” he says, then tells all of his friends “Oh, we are just friends”. He keeps himself open for a better prize. I have now loved 2 men in my life and gave 100% to each relationship. While in the relationship each man found love in the arms of other women. I forgave them, moved past it, but never fully trusted. I am now 30, I have given over 10 years […]
Despite the fact I’m going to be dead within the next few weeks, I still fear what people think of me. If that’s not a sign that my social anxiety would never abate then I don’t know what is. I can’t describe how difficult it is to be around my family now, but it is mental and emotional torture. I’ve got to pick up my brother tomorrow who’s staying for a few days and I’m sure he’s gonna get sick of me and we’ll fall out. I am so scared because I am aware of which situations I become hated and weddings and big social […]
It’s hard to imagine after a month of this calm, now that the time has come, I can feel so afraid. Standing at the edge like this, I get it. My suicide is not impulsive. It has been carefully planned. A promise to myself I’ve been making for a year. I will be gone by June. The time has come. I’m in my last week and staring death in the face, I feel this anxiety. But then I think of living, just one extra day past my promise, and the panic is just as great. The guilt, oh the guilt. I’m so sorry for them. […]