I’m back home from the hospital. I combined a lot of xanax with alcohol but it didn’t work. Now I just feel weak and tired all over again. They gave me some sedatives so I just feel tired now. Tired and angry, angry at myself that I was unsuccessful. I feel no need to go on, no hope at all. I just want to disappear. I feel worthless because I am worthless.
Tag:
feel
It’s been a long time since I was last here. About a year and half, to be exact. I thought I was really getting better but in the last few months, everything seems to be spiraling down again. I’ve read that it’s therapeutic to write about it, so hopefully this will help me.
In July, my boyfriend of seven months, Alex, broke up with me. He was everything I had wanted in a person and I woke up everyday with an overwhelming amount of happiness that I thought the years of suicidal thoughts and depression were finally leaving my mind.
If only I knew how wrong I […]
I have felt all day like I needed to cut or do something to make me feel better, the feelings and thoughts are making me feel like I have no where to go and no one to talk to..I keep it bottled up and I keep to myself and now I am trying to make it through the day and all I want to do is hurt myself. I feel like I am pathetic and a looser. I just need someone to talk to… is there anyone out there? or am I just trapped in the dark….
Happiness is so unobtainable, I would have higher chances of caressing the wind with my fingertips than to ever feel happiness.
She killed herself… she’s so strong … cause she ended everything all the pain and hurt she feel…
So i have or i guess had a best friend who i considered like a sister but i feel like she didn’t feel the same. We have been best friends for three years. I think that the worst part about losing your friend is not losing them but feeling like you are losing them. I feel less important when she talks to other people. I know that i can be easily replaced. She is sooooo pretty and smart. I just already hate myself and i thought since we were in similar sitiation we would have EACH other back. But i guess not. I can not […]
I had an account on here before, which I started a few months back. A little over a month ago, I had an extremely bad breakdown that lead me to attempt suicide (I had been thinking of it for awhile but many little things pushed me to it). I posted on here to say goodbye to everyone and apologize for wasting their time in reading my posts and trying to help me. I didn’t see any way in my life recovering, since the stack of shit just kept getting bigger and masked the few good things I had left. I was obviously unsuccessful in my […]
I’m sitting in my bathroom floor half crying half laughing. plus I drank vodka and i feel really sick.
So today is my birthday. And i used to love birthdays. As a kid i had a lot of friends. Now i have like 2 best friends. They suckkkkkkk
I decided for my 15th birthday to invite friends for a party. I found where mom hides her alcohol and i stole some of the drinks. Plus moms out of town so i have the house all to myself.
Everyone should have come in 9pm. It’s almost midnight. No one showed up. Not even my best friends. So i’m just […]
i just want to go to sleep for a few years and have a nice dream about being a boy.
i just want to be a boy.
i want to wake up and be happy and organized and energetic and peaceful and have a triangular body and a square jaw.
i want to be thin, but i also want to be strong.
i want to be him, and him, and him, and him.
(i want to be her.)
i wish i was beautiful, i wish i was perfect. i wish was my skin was new and pure.
(they’re so lucky, those beautiful people. i hope they know that.)
(i hope they […]
Just wanted to let everyone know that I’m really thankful I found this place. I feel I can relate to a lot of other people here and it makes me feel a lot less alone. This is the one place where I don’t have to keep my secret and I can really be myself and no one will try to change that. I’m just appreciated and excepted. Thanks all!
I thought maybe over time I could forget about him. Just distract myself until I forgot. But it’s not even been 3 months since he left and now I’m just empty.
I feel nothing for anyone or anything. I don’t get irritated when customers complain at work . I don’t get mad over things that I’d usually be pissed off at.
I can’t even cry. I mean, I do the motions, but no tears come. I finally told my best friend this, just to let her know what was going on. Then she tells me that she had been hospitalized a year ago for trying […]
I am an insult to depression. I am a living effrontery to depressed people.
I make a LOT of money doing a fairly easy job.
I live in a beautiful house that has been in commercials and magazines.
I bought a new car last week because I was bored with my bmw.
I am constantly surrounded by family and friends who tell me how great I am, and can’t tell you how many people I’ve had fall in love with me.
My best friend lets me dogsit his amazing black lab who is the embodiment of love whenever I want because he knows it helps me.
Despite all this, I am […]
I want to post this on facebook so bad: Even if I did tell people how I really feel it wouldn’t matter because I’m a piece of shit. I wish that I was a different person. Then asking for help would be alot easier, but I’m am who I am. i know some of you are going to eather ignore this or look at it a laugh, but I really need help. I don’t know what to do anymore
But I know if I do I’m looking for attention
I thought I hit rock bottom this weekend. I could barely get out of bed, and I didn’t do ANYTHING I had to do, no work, just staying in bed and watching movies I really didn’t care about. I tried to reach out for friends, but literally none of them wanted to go out, and it made me feel worse. Rejected. I was on the edge, thoughts about suicide invading my mind and I couldn’t control my crying.
I woke up today feeling completely different. I’m not that sad anymore, just numb, as if everything I’ve been feeling for the past three days is something really distant. […]
Do you ever feel so painfully average? Like everything about you is so boring that you get to the point of feeling nonexistent? I know that a lot of people on this website and around the world for that matter, hate themselves for being too different, but I can’t help but hate myself for being too regular. As a students perspective this is/was especially difficult growing up. With the new found trend of “Be different, Be you” I always had trouble with that. I was never the kid with the strange birthplace, I was never the kid with 10+ siblings. I’m aware this is all […]
I deserve to die, I was fortunate enough to live in a family with a good income and provide me for anything I pleased. But I did nothing but take advantage of them, lie to them and spend every single day playing video games and occasionally smoking weed while failing school. I am definitely one of the laziest, biggest piece of shits in the world. I am absolutely useless and provide nothing to this world whatsoever. Hopefully in these coming days, I will have the courage to end it, as not only do I don’t want to be alive, but I don’t deserve too either.
I just cant go on.
I cant feel anything and i dont want to feel anything.
I feel worthless and hopeless.
I have no one to talk to and i dont even know if i want to talk to anyone.
I just cant go on…
One day one day not feeling alone one day smiling and thinking it’ll be alright one day is all I got ik it won’t ever really be though always alone anyone else lonely feel free to message me I care and am easy to talk to usually kik is itsjustianmooneok email is shiftydaytoday@gmail.com
Also .. I’m so sexually frustrated and miss the feel of having a boyfriend and being able to go out and just spend time with them and kiss them and what not …
Sorry I had to let it out … Cuz literally … the sexual frustration is intense ..
You get so alone at times that it just makes sense.
The only thing stopping me from doing anything is knowing how my mother would feel.
It’s hard, but tomorrow I’ll be better.