I just have to tell someone this to get it out of my system. Lately I’ve been trying to work on myself. My life has been chaotic recently and lately I’ve been trying to take care of the chaos and I’m finally feeling a little bit better. When I used to have stress in my life I would turn to my ex to just distract myself from my life. Without him as a crutch I was feeling like I was going to lose my dam mind and like I couldn’t get a handle on anything. Me not being able to deal with stress without him […]
so iv been drawing the last couple of days to try take my mind off things but it won’t be long before the drawing ends I can feel myself getting frustrated by it so my patience is wearing thin
iv been drawing characters that represent different mental illnesses some which I have
I need a name for the snake and what the snake will be as a mental illness
and the boys name I’m open to suggestions but here are some of the characters 
It may look like scribbles to you but they are words just 2 words “worthless” and “useless” (there is more words I have written this way but can’t bend my arm to get a pic) I needed to feel something I need to feel pain. (I also drew death with his scythe which I can’t bend my arm far enough to take pictures of that…) No I’m not bleeding tbh the site of blood makss me feel quite queasy. But I […]
You know what sucks tbh?
It’s the moments where you’re doing fine-in fact, better.
You feel like you can get through the day and that things will be okay.
But then something happens.
It could be the smallest thing.
The feeling when it all comes crashing down.
The moment you feel like it’s all gone wrong.
Honestly, you just wanted to have a decent day-maybe just a “neutral” day.
A day where it doesn’t suck too much.
Just the days where you can actually breathe.
The routine-sleeping, doing whatever it is you do, then sleeping again.
Forgetting how shitty you feel, even if it leaves […]
To Wear The Black Coat
I put on a coat today. The last time I wore it, I died.
Not of embarrassment, or heat stroke.
I didn’t die laughing or of fright.
I died.
I was dead.
Dead.
I died on the beach. I could hear the ocean.
The coat has sand in the pockets.
I overdosed on a plethora of pills, hundreds of them, taken with a quantity of alcohol as I drove, careening blindly in the darkness over mountain passes between valley and sea.
I returned to a place where I last felt true, unencumbered, hope. Where I felt romantic love for the first time. Where I felt the future was all […]
I just found this site today and as a result, I have to skip my Day 40. I’m counting down, counting down to the day I might do it. I don’t know if I’ll get through with it because honestly at this point I’m kinda scared. Scared that I might not succeed and cause more burden to the people around me. Scared of how it’d feel like, the process of dying. There’s still that small part of me that hopes that everything will be okay again but that’s been overshadowed. Today seems to be better. Not brighter, just slightly better than yesterday but don’t be […]
I came across something really neat. You should think about it as well.
“Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain.”
“Well, you’re still reading, and that’s very good. I’d like to ask you to stay with me for the rest of this page. I hope it means that you’re at least a tiny bit unsure, somewhere deep inside, about whether or not you really will end your life. Often people feel that, even in the deepest darkness of despair. Being unsure about dying is okay and normal. The fact that you are still alive at this minute means you are […]
Wow the last time I posted on here I was 14! I’m now 18 and I can’t really say that things are better. Well since 14 I’ve attempted suicide 2 and cut myself on numerous occasions.
Heres my story I’ve been with my current partner for 14 months and it hasn’t been the greatest at all. He severely bashes me and makes me feel like nothing. He never trusts me and always calls me names I don’t feel loved or safe. I live with him at his parents place with his brother and sister also and they never seem to do anything when they hear me […]
as I’m in the drawing more il keep drawing for a few day til I burn myself out or feel depressed again
but I think depression is a bit like alis in wonderland but with a darker twist 
Continue Reading
Im going to bed now. (1am)
Hoping for a nightmare or weird dream, something to make me feel different and think something new or something like that.
All I can think right now is sadness and despair. Very unhealthy I would imagine. But when have I been healthy? No I want to wake up in a sweat to some crazy freak dream about some crazy thing and have a realization and or epiphany. I wish.
Goodnight. Sweet dreams, at least not me.
So I found my ten pack of blades today…
Suffice it to say, yes I statted cutting again.
At least this time its the leg not arm
And its not the blood I want to see but the pain I want to feel to know that…. that…. thats all I have at this point… I dont know anymore than that right now.
So I’ve been crying for the last hour overdon’t the shit my brother threw at me all his words nasty bitter angry words… Saying I can’t do this can’t do that I’m not doing anything. Everything I do is wrong I’m never right I’m stupid never gonna get a job. Useless, worthless leach. I fucking stood up to him to some degree before the tears came rolling in I feel like clawing skin till it burns and bleeds I need to feel pain I want to feel pain. But I feel nothing I feel empty cold and bitter I’m numb from his words. I’m so […]
have you ever had that experience where you feel like after loving someone for a long time you all of a sudden feel like you’ve been lying to yourself and doubt your feelings and you feel like talking about it to them but then you’re scared of losing something so great?
Why are you’s trying to hurt me ?
Make me bleed , make me crazy.
Why make me feel useless ,worthless make me grovel?
Why hold me down and destroy me take my life away , break me ?
Just let me go stop hurting me please I can’t take it anymore .
Anything I had ,you belittled made it crap, shitty, garbage.
I trusted you all stop hurting me.
Why make feel so wothless?
Why do you’s want me this way?
What do you get a crushed hopeless girl?
I was chiped […]
These are all the (non-medication) “treatments” I’ve been told will help me feel less depressed in the last decade:
Exercise. Okay, yes, exercise is good for everyone. But I became depressed when I was running 15 miles a week and I’ve never seen any difference in my depression from periods of time where I was exercising regularly or wasn’t. I believe it can help with anxiety, at least to an extent, but I personally haven’t felt any effect yet. This is something I’ll continue to do regardless (I would like to run a 5k again), and maybe over a longer period of time I’ll notice a […]
How’s everyone on sp today ? Anyone heard from Ylem ?
I’m not feeling so low today can someone tell me isit wrong to have suicidal thoughts and not feel to act on them ? right now my mind seems to be jumping between the too one day I think I’m going to act on it then another day il be low but not want to act on it for some reason maybe I don’t have the mental energy I don’t no
I wish I could talk about everything that happens to me with my girlfriend but I feel that I can make her angry with so many problems and in the end she finish the relation, because who wants a guy with so many problems, someone so weak
I wish I could be better for her
i feel sad
why do i feel so bad after talking to my boyfriend?
As far as I know I have nothing left. My friends, my family don’t even care for me. Day after day, night after night I just lay in suffer age while my friends beat me down further. The friends whom I’ve considered family have used me until they come across someone to replace me. The ones I trusted now ignoring my cries. I have nothing to live for… I have no one to live for. I can’t feel any emotional love anymore..
I’m on the verge of crying. I feel depressed, I feel lonely and I feel heartbroken. When I really need them they aren’t here for me. The one who’s even been helping me isn’t even messaging me.. It makes me angry, It makes me frustrated to see he has time to communicate with my sisters but not with me. It makes me feel like I’m a total loser. It makes me feel regret for even liking him. He seems more interested in my sisters than he does of me. Seems he’s just keeping me company out of pity. It’s making me feel like killing myself. […]