THIS WAS ORIGINALLY WRITTEN IN APRIL 2012. I was still a lurker here back then. I didn’t have the confidence to share this.  It paints a pretty accurate picture of where I was at back then. I thought someone may be interested.
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My therapist is correct. The two underlying threads of my life have been seeking approval, and escapism. When I don’t get approval, I need to escape. I can’t give myself approval as I feel it is not warranted, therefore my only option is to escape. If not getting the approval in my relationships that I feel I need, I usually escape by withdrawal. However, I have […]
Tag:
Feelings
I don’t know why I am so alone in every way, well actually I suppose I do, it’s just that I have been repressing it for far too long- out it comes now, oh dear:
The people who tell you that things change when people grow up and you go from lower to higher schools and onwards are not always right. People might change, but their attitudes towards those who were once 11 year old outcasts remains… and even if it isn’t verbalised, hostility is an emotion easy to pick up on when directed at you, it truly is. Do you know what it’s like […]
ive been through alot since childhood, ive seen my mom being hit and bleed, ive gone to school scared of coming back home and not finding her alive because dad killed her, ive seen my baby sister die infront of my eyes and i dont remember telling her i loved her, i remember the days dad dint come home cuz he was SOME WHERE ELSE , i remember when he went to sleep like he dint give a shit while my mom had a miscarriage, i remember every word he said to her that made her cry ….i remember dad repenting after my baby sister died […]
Nobody seems to understand us teenagers. They say we are being like this for attention or it is our hormones or we are just being silly. It isn’t fair. We have feelings too and people should learn to listen to us. Yeah we may be young and less experienced than some other people but you should listen to what everyone has to say.
I feel so depressed, sad and empty because nobody will listen. Does this happen to anybody else or is it just me?
I feel so alone in this world…
So here is what is up. I’ve been in the hospital for a few days, I’ve seen sum doctors and a therapist. I went to my new therpist and doctor today and had very good results. . They kno that the feelings and the depression has been caused by all the nuro/seizure/brain issues I’ve had all my life. Plus all the meds I have taken. They are also believing the auras I’ve been having are silent seizures, which scares me so please keep me in ur prayers.. I have a wonderful therapist that is helping me thru sum issues in my life as well as […]
i don’t know who i am anymore. i don’t know where i’m going, i dont think i want to go anywhere. i want everything to end. now. i’ve come to the dead end, the end of no return. i no longer know what it’s like to be happy. happy- what is that word? what does that even mean? i wish i could wake up in the morning and love my life and love everything around me. but i dont. i wake up hating the person i am in the mirror, i hate the sun, and the flowers, and the trees. i hate the day time. […]
I’m so numb, I wish I knew when I was going to be completely happy. I hate all this sadness, constant hurt and pain, constant dullness. I am depressed and no one even knows. That hurts the most.
Okay, well this is my story..
I’m quite young and I’m broken. I’m depressed and suicidal, clearly.. and i selfharm. I put on the fakest smile every single day. I’m miserable, I just want to be dead, to be free, to be happy. I have tried to take my own life many times, I don’t really have a massive story. But my depression has taken over me, my self eestem is horrible, I can’t leave the house without crying, I’m horribly fat and aswell so ugly. I hate leaving the house because I usually don’t have the nicest clothes because i’m not rich, my family struggles […]
As you can tell by my new post I didn’t hang myself!! I went and talked to my aunt and she is going to help out. My son and I will be moving into her garage apartment this weekend which is a huge help because she is only going to charge me $200 a month for rent and food! She called her church and tonight I got a huge bag of clothes for Broox!!! Little man is styling in his new batman pjs as we speak.
As I’m writing this Broox is laying beside me sleeping with his little legs thrown over onto mine and I […]
Just as everything seems to get better, something comes and ruins that little bit of happiness that was finally there. That something is usually feelings either brought up from a comment another person makes or because it just develops in ourselves. It sucks, especially when we were finally happy. Sometimes I guess what we just aren’t meant to be happy.
MY LIFE IS WICKED ALL MY LIFE I’VE NEVER HAD NOBODY TO TALK TO I ALWAYS KEEPED MY STUFF TO ME. ”I ALWAYS SAID ME MY SELFÂ AND I” SO SOMETIMES I THINK ABOUT KILLING MY SELF WHY? BECAUSE AM SELFCONSIOUS AM ALWAYS THINKING AM UGLY I HATE MY BODY AM 21 YEARS OLD AM 5’FEET I WEIGHÂ 85 POUNDS I CANT GET OVER THE IDEA I WEIGH THE MUCH THE FACT THAT I C GIRLS MY AGE AND THEY LOOK LIKE WOMAN I LOOK LIKE A DAMMN 14 YEAR LD GIRL PPL DONT TAKE ME SERIOUS. I MEAN COME ON SOMETIMES THEY SAY TOÂ MEÂ ‘HONEY IS YOUR […]
I have found this site helpful mainly because I now know I’m not alone.
I’ve always been depressed, since my parents split when I was 4 but I’m now 23 and I dont have anything to show. I had dreams to ve a musician and let them die.I came up with this idea to kill myself (the word suicide disgusts me) about two years ago but my future roommate convinced me better. I convinced myself that it was because she had feelings for me and I could find meaning in life by taking care of her and her child. our relationship got more intense, but […]
Hi,
I`m male, 29. I suffer from Schizophrenia(the doctors say). In general, I fear that people around me is not there voluntarily, like they`re sort of reading of a note, and doing what their told(by force one might say). Which is a big problem when it comes to women. Some things between man and woman are pretty bad when they happen by force(you know what I`m aiming at).
I hear a lot of voices which tense me to the point of wanting to crush my skull against the wall(I sort of get a release by visualizing it, wich is pretty violent imagery, and sort of weird, lol). […]
If so, I’d like to know what it is. Life doesn’t seem worth it anymore. I came here out of desperation. I have nobody to share my feelings with. I am alone. I’m afraid to be close to people because they always hurt me in the end. Or maybe I’m alone because people generally do not want to be around me. “Freak,” they’ll call me, telling me how I am not worth their time. “Tell me, why haven’t you had a boyfriend? Are you lesbian?” They’ll ask me. Outraged, I deny, but they don’t believe me. It isn’t my fault nobody wants me. It isn’t […]
Always feeling sad.
Always feeling out of place.
Always feeling wrong.
Always feeling useless.
Never be happy.
Always feeling unloved.
Always feeling lousy.
Always feeling unwanted.
Why I live?
Hello.
This is my note. This is the only place my note will ever be, because I’m too much of a coward to actually go through with this.
I’m nothing, I mean nothing to myself. I would really rather disappear into nothing. Scatter myself into a thousand and one atoms, floating peacefully in space. Instead I’m stuck here, in this colourless hell. The only person i can talk to won’t listen, I can’t tell her anyway. I love her too much to let her bear this.
Anyway, my name is Sian. I’m nearly sixteen, I have blonde hair and brown eyes. I’m a dancer, that’s how I define […]
I’ve put a lot of effort into doing right by the people I’m close to. I have been far from perfect in those efforts. Mostly I’ve failed entirely. I guess the thing is, though, that I’ve tried to mend every mistake I’ve made. I’ve apologized, acknowledged my screw-ups and done my best to avoid future incidents.
In times when I haven’t been the one to screw up, I’ve been too forgiving of people. People who have decided that I am the kind of person who can toyed with, walked all over, and left to wait endlessly for fulfillment. People always let you down. That’s what I’ve […]
My trip to the guidance office proved to be as hopeless for solace as I figured. My guidance councler is a very nice and upbeat woman, but at the time of my arrival that day, she seemed to be handling other jobs of her own. Even though I was really upset at that point, I was really just glad to sit in a chair and get away from my friend for a while.
I regained my composure and I sat in the chair with much embarrassment. I felt embarrassed for being in there and I felt more embarrassed that I let everyone see me so upset […]
I could understand that my friend had loyalty to her mother, but not once did she ever really seem to regard my feelings. This added to the stress I had with her. Another time that created a rift in our relationship was when I went to the local fair with her, my friends mother, and her father. Originally we were supposed to go together at a certain time, but I would call her house and she wouldn’t tell me if she was coming with me or not, so I decided to go with another friend.
We were having a good time the first half of the […]
I miss how he made me feel important. I loved being around him. Don’t exactly know why but I did. I liked when he would come over and watch movies with me. He would stare into my eyes while he laughed at the dumbest jokes, I loved it. I don’t know what feelings I had for him really. Did I like him as a brother or something more? We used to go to the movies and to restaurants, I just loved being around him. I guess it got too weird for him. But it’s been months and I still think about him. My only wish […]