I am 19. I used to get bullied and sexually abused when I was in elementary school. In middle school, there was no sexual abuse just bullying, but I met Him. We didn’t go to the same middle school, but he lived across the street from me. I was at his house every day when I got out of school. His brother, Him, and I. We were always alone as their uncle and aunt were always out working or partying. Soon, it was only he and I..together alway. We went to the same highschool and I was bullied no more. He had given me a […]
Tag:
Few Days
I get the feeling ctb-driver pulled the trigger a few days ago. Maybe I’m wrong, I don’t know. Hey I never got to hear your songs.
Ivethine been trying the last few days always falter at the last, just tried to call Samaritans no answer. How can I take this as anything other than a sign??
My best friend is in Ohio, and I’m stuck here in New Jersey. He’ll only be there for a week, and he’s coming home on Friday, but then I’m going to Pennsylvania for a few days with my Dad to see two bands (Skillet + Hawk Nelson). He doesn’t have internet, and I certainly won’t. He’s my lifeline, the only concrete reason I live for. Sure, I could say that I live for the breathtaking surrealness when you go to a concert, and see the band(s) that you’ve listened to at your darkest moment. Or that I live for fireworks on the 4th of July. […]
Let me just begin by saying that i have contemplated suicide many times in my life time, mostly during my adolescence, but just recently also. I have been observing this page for a few days, and have been reading all of your posts.
I happened to stumble upon this article while searching near death experiences, and was amazed and humbled by the words so much that i began to cry. (not from sadness, but from the pure warmth of peace) I hope this brings you peace, and if not peace, a better understanding on why you are here now, and why we all MUST suffer sometimes… […]
Today I was happy.
I went to the pool today with my assistant manager/close friend (I helped her recover after a very brutal divorce with her crack-addict lousy excuse for a husband.) Now normally when I have any cuts or scars on my legs, I tend to hide them. But today I said, “Fuck it! I’ll show them off and let them get some sun. Maybe they’ll fade out a little like the older ones.” I had an incident a few days ago that I’m none too proud of, but I decided to go nonetheless. When we got to the pool and the sun was […]
So I’m seventeen, 17, just graduated from high school. I’ve been struggling with suicidal thoughts for about 4 or 5 years now. I attempted suicide in 2011 after I was hurt by someone who meant the world to me and I regretted everything. I’ve started up counseling since May 10 this year and have started medication but I still have depressed days and days that are hard to get through. I feel like nothing helps. What broke me is I had a nervous breakdown a few days before I started meds and going to counseling and nearly ended it. I have a box filled with […]
Is it normal to take this long to get to sleep? for the last few days so many things have been on my mind. lately its been taking me at least 3 hours to get to sleep. i feel so tired, but i just cant manage to sleep well. i feel like i am on the verge of insomnia. Â ive tried listening to music. ive tried reading a book, and even just forcing my eyes shut and lying in bed for hours.
i need to clear my head.
but i dont know how.
Today,31 May 2013,I just came back from school feeling absolutely sleep deprived and unmotivated. I had it tough these few weeks. School,projects,assignments and continuous disgust i get from the people who resents me,has made life pretty much unbearable these few days. I have been crying these few days and just trying to hold on to what I know best.
I notice that no matter how much effort i put into school,things never go the way i want it to be. It makes me breakdown inside. I feel so hopeless and I feel so useless. I feel that I was never meant for college life. Honestly,right now […]
A few days ago I made an attempt and failed. Â Although the entire event was totally painless and quite peaceful I awoke about 30 minutes after only to find my body had apparently taken over using its’ reflexive ability to remove what was “causing harm”. Â I did not take this into consideration and therefore it serves as yet another example of my capacity to fail miserably. Â The end result was a massive headache which slowly subsided as the evening wore on and a persistent thought that I may have caused some sort of brain damage.
Having a bit of medical knowledge I performed self tests to […]
She’s not senile; from what I’ve heard from my father and other family members she’s been unreasonable from the start.
With that said…she adopted me at 9 and has taken care of me since. I’m now 22 and finally moving out in a few months.I’m financially dependent on her which is what she uses to manipulate me. She knows that I’m too overwhelmed to go to school full time and keep a job to support myself so she knows that I must tolerate her unreasonableness or be homeless.
For example, my car is at the mechanic and will be for a few days. She doesn’t drive anymore […]
For the past few months I have read the posts and posted myself on this site. Â Every day is the same for me. Â I think suicidally but then I’ve made it 40 years and have family thats suffering around me and I want to help but the suicidal thoughts persist. Â But than after a few months I get lucky and score myself a 20 bag of weed. Â I smoke a little and suddenly everything changes. Â I feel even deeper sadness for those that I love that are suffering but I feel like I can deal with the loneliness of not ever really having a partner, […]
that’s it official fale at life I suck so much I cant even kill my self I haven’t stopped crying these last few days waking to school in my room it dosunt stop I told the people that mattered  in a litter that I sent I was going an this is my 14th attempt people will think iv not got the guts or im doing this for show next time I feel like this I won’t even bother maybe ill get a gun
Hi friends.
Many of us on here have experienced a tremendous amount of tragedy and loss in our lives unfortunately. I wanted to share with you what I went through, and how it changed my life.
It all started on January 15, 2011. That morning, my parents had taken my 9-year-old cat Tiger to the vet. During the past few days, we noticed that he had become more distant from us, and began to suffer weight loss and smell odd. He also was found in places we normally didn’t find him, mainly my parents’ bathroom. However, being the foolish optimist that I was at the time, I […]
This is my first time posting on here… So I’m alana I’m 15 years old and I’ve been depressed/suidical since about the beginning of 6th grade. I’ve been bullied my whole life being called fat, ugly, *****, ect…. People made me feel like shit and made me cry myself to sleep about every night. I started cutting in seventh grade when I got called fat. Is was the first time . It go worse cause I tried killing myself by choking myself it never worked. 8th grade year I thought would get better but it didn’t I started losing friends , guys pushed me into […]
So it’s been a while since I’ve posted… Hope everyone’s surviving. Overall, I’ve been ok. Since my last post, I’ve been in therapy to attempt to put an end to my cutting. I had been clean for 3 months. A few days ago I cut for no reason, absolutely none. I just made up my mind and did it. Since then, I decided to ask for an antidepressant and my therapist was all for it.
She said it will be easier to listen to the rational voice in my head, I really hope she’s right. Living has been an absolute struggle. I want to be ok, […]
I still remember it.
As if it was just the other day.. But it wasn’t.. It was a while ago. But I still remember. My first kiss.
We hung out a lot that summer.. Doing a whole lot of nothing.. But just being with her gave me a good feeling.. Sometimes we’d play video games, listen to music, watch movies.. Or just sit and talk.. I miss those days.. Before everything became so complicated..
She had a thing for bitting.. She bit my ear a lot.. Eventually moving onto biting my nose.. When ever shed go to bite my nose, I’d tilt my head up slightly to […]
I’ve been feeling better these last few days. Don’t really know why. Part of it is that I have been communicating with people a little more, though only through email, and I’ve felt a little less isolated. It’s strange though, even when my mood improves a bit THAT can turn into a source of anxiety as well. I wonder when it will get bad again, wonder if I just haven’t climbed to a slightly higher perch to drop from next time. I start to dwell on this and it’s like a weight growing on my back and I can feel my limbs getting tired. If […]
This is my story about how i had my heart broken a couple of times. it soon spawned a fear of abandonment in me and made me think i was never good enough. if you wish to hear how i survived my hardship then please read this.
I was born different from other kids. i chose not to give in to the social flow and i  lived how i felt. i had friends, a pretty good amount. i fell in love many times and had a few relationships. I grew up being who i felt was me. Sometime around the summer of 2012 about early June, […]
right now the urge to ace myself is strong. i don’t really know why. these urges come and go. for the most part i just ride them out. not now i say. time isn’t right. like there is a “right” time to die. there are things that need to be taken care of. loose ends tied up. careful consideration is called for. i have selected a few days next month. chances are those days will mean nothing. i am stubborn till the end. MY time schedule. not depression’s. so i am supposed to try being sober for x amount of days. to try to get […]