I’m not sure what I’m doing anymore. The fear of being alone seems to consume me. These girls who say they love me, they can’t be serious. How could they love me when they haven’t tried to know me. I’m not trying to lead them on. I’m just too nice to tell them what I really think. At least that’s what I’ve been telling myself. I’ve been thinking about death again. But is death what I want currently? I don’t have the desire to sleep except when I wake up in the morning because sleeping is much easier than going through the day. Sometimes being […]
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Focus
Im not a very important person. I don’t tell people about my problems. I have many. They drive me insane. I wish I was better person. I cant tell anyone abut this side of me except my only friend cole. he is the only one who will ever understand me. ever.
this is a list 0f my problems
1.im different
2.i cut
3.i am bulimic and anorexic
4.suicidal
5.family death
6.commitment issues
7.my mother has been dating a married man I hate for 6 years
8.my family thinks there’s something wrong with me
9.bullied
10.no friends
11.awkward
12.shy
13.anger issues
14.migranes
15.lack of sleep
16.i hear voices
17.cant focus
18.sexualy abused by half sister [longstory]
and last of all
19.i cant stand myself
please help, my family or […]
I really don’t know what I’m doing. I’m extremely suicidal, I have no fear of death and I welcome it’s emptiness. However, I have this insane little happy part of myself that won’t shut up about all of my hopes and dreams and how they could still happen. I really feel like two people at once sometimes. I don’t know whether to feel good or bad that they both agree I’m ugly and look nothing like they do in my head. (I have a lot of self-hate.)
I think it might be worse because I don’t feel like I have the right to feel this way. […]
Death looks pretty attractive right now. The other night I went up into my attic looking for some guns my parents have been hiding. I fell through the attic and busted up my leg pretty good. Needless to say I feel even worse now. The last two days at work I haven’t been able to stop myself from crying. My supervisor gave me an extremely simple straight-forward assignment and I can’t do it. I can’t focus or concentrate on it. I’m stupid and worthless and lazy. I don’t deserve a good career. I don’t even deserve a bad career. I deserve no career. I fuck […]
Every day I hold back tears,
Because there’s only one reason I’m here,
I pretend I’m okay,
And try hard to stay,
But nobody knows because nobody cares,
And when I need help no one is there,
I wish I was normal,
And I act immortal,
But when no one is around,
I sit and cry on the ground,
I feel hopeless,
And just lose focus,
I don’t want to bleed,
But everyday i feel the need,
To pick up the knife,
And just end my life,
So far i’m winning,
But I’m near the end my hope is thinning,
Soon I’ll give up,
And I’ll just fuck up,
Till then my skin is clean,
But my luck is like a slot machine,
I can’t win,
Soon I’ll commit the […]
I spend a lot of time wishing I was someone else and I’ve wasted a lot of my life doing so. Sometimes I think of myself but a better version of myself, better looking, more talented, an ideal social and home life. Other times I daydream of myself as a completely different person; wether it’s a sociable gay male living in California or pretty blonde city girl living in London, UK. I constantly see people and think ‘I’d give anything to be you’.
I can’t stop and it scares me because it’s not healthy and I’m afraid that I’m always going to hate who I am.
I […]
I’m so tired of crying myself to sleep every night. I wake up in the morning crying. When I actually make it into work I fight back the tears until I can no longer take it, at which point I go cry in the bathroom. I’m in college and when I’m at school I managed to keep it together as far as not crying but I don’t hear anything the teacher’s saying. My mind is a clouded mess. I can’t focus on anything school related. All I can focus on is holding the tears back or all the thoughts that are constantly bombarding my mind. […]
Stumbled across this site as I was feeling down about Valentine’s Day yesterday. I hate the day. I’m a bit of a nerd and geek and still single. All my life I seemed to make stupid mistakes and never seemed good enough.
I’ve gone as far as tie ropes around my neck, write suicide notes, and pack my stuff to make it easier for those left behind to clean my mess.
I still struggle with suicidal thoughts but not as bad as when I was younger. I’m 45yo now.
What has helped me is to focus on others. Volunteering at church, making friends […]
I had a long day. It wasn’t horrible, just more of the same… waking up feeling horrible (a little extra bad today), dreading going to work… having to face negativity,  making mistakes, and feelings of  incompetence.  Biting my tongue. Trying to find a balance between politeness, diplomacy, and getting my needs met.
I was very late, under prepared, stressed, and embarrassed. No one else seemed to care too much… aside from the usual curiosity and confusion over my poor attitude. I hate looking inept but I am. I am sick, tired, fighting with my head every day… I am so tired. Went to class after work. I couldn’t focus. […]
Finals time.
At the beggining of the semester I thought “this semester will be different, I will be able to focus, I will be able to pass the subjects.”
A few months later, and nothing changed. It’s still the same old shit. I haven’t found the strenght to change.
4/5 exams are done. 3 of which I didn’t pass (one of them I didn’t even finish the exam, left halfway through it). My last grade is out. But I am too afraid to go check it. I know I have failed it. But to see that I in fact did, will throw me down for sure. I know […]
I have no real reason to kill myself. I guess I’m being really selfish and unreasonable. My boyfriend left me oh..about month and a half ago. I really loved him..no..I was obsessed with him. I still am. After he left me I threatened to kill myself and his mother found out. He still really cares about me, he only left in the first place because he thought I could do better. It really destroyed me inside. I’ve done awful things. I’ve cut, I’ve lied, I’ve threatened to kill myself, I’ve tried to blackmail him and I’ve used other people. I feel worthless, unattractive, unable to […]
I personally have allways been in “the middle”. as the second of three child in my family makes me the middle child. i’m not thin, but i’m not fat. i’m middle. every thing i do i end up in the middle. always. it is living hell. for example, this xmas, while my brother and sister got their own iphone’s which the had wish for, i got nothing i had wish for. i got a pc. im not saying that they don’t give stuff. and that their beeing total crap. it is the fact that they dont listen to me. never. even when we’re planning dinner […]
Most of us in this world believe that the only way to be happy
and to live our life to the fullest is to find love.
For us normal human being,
love is like a key that can open any doors.
We focus on it too much that we forgot to think
about other more important things like reality.
I realize that if we decided to accept love,
we also decided to accept suffering.
Love and suffering is connected and
we can’t just pick one of it because loving
and suffering is not a choice.
Life is unfair, because we can’t decide not to
love […]
More and more I think that “If I die young” has a lot of truth behind it.
Why doesn’t anyone listen when we’re still here to voice our opinions? Because it’s “all in your head”, “you just need to cheer up” and “focus on the happy things in life” OH why didn’t I think of that -_-. On the other hand, if I were to go back to those same people with a physical disgnosis like cancer or even a broken bone…. I’d get a lot more sympathy and a lot more support. How is this alright? The millions of people with mental illness have […]
I find it really hard to let go and say what I want on this site I guess because I don’t do it at all and if I do it’s once in a blue moon but right now my thoughts are racing and I want to speak freely.
This week hasn’t been to great for me and I’m feeling indifferent about it, I haven’t been able to focus on my work and have been getting very little sleep I guess it’s because last year around Christmas is when my depression was worse than normal. I was reflecting  to last year when I got depression, I remember […]
I used to think positively.. I used to believe that everything I could see beyond all the bull the world has put in front of me, of us, was beautiful. I used to admire what beauty the world offered us beyond the structure of tall buildings and society itself, beyond the pure ignorance of these fellow people who believe their opinions should rise above those of anyone else.. I’m simply disgusted. Disgusted that I’ve been alive for the years that I have and still feel like I’ve nothing to show for it. Disgusted that I somehow believed that after all I’ve given with nothing to […]
I think my brain is all but dead.  I just stare at a screen and my eyes see what they see – but nothing makes it to my brain.  I have no ability to focus and I have no motivation at all.  Half the time the phone rings I dont even try to answer.
life just blows.  ppl may be around me, but i am totally alone.  and i just wanna leave this world.  i need to leave this world
After sitting in the bath with a razor blade in my. Thinking I should just do it. Just die. Just get it over with an leave. But then something stopped me. I thought what had led me up to this? What has been so bad that has led me to thinking that killing myself is the best answer. I sat in my bath for about two hours just thinking, and meditating. It doesn’t  have to be like this. I making it like this. I don’t have to be depressed I don’t have to constantly feel bad for myself and only think about my past. Yes […]
I wish my thought weren’t so disorganized. I can’t think straight, and it is giving me a head ache. I can’t focus. I just want it all to be over with. I need to come up with a plan, but can’t concentrate enough to do so. I don’t have a lot of time left, but what I have is too much.
i know im sick. i have made my stomach so small that a cracker fills me up all day but ive been trying to eat more..not going so well:/ i cant focus on anything cuz im dizzy my vision is spotty im weak and freezing always…everytime i stand up i feel crazy light headed, everytime i breathe it hurts (thats gone on for 3 months) and then i cut a lot more and deep too…suicide is my number one thing on my mind lately…i used to be not tobad…but this doesnt feel right…idk yet but i might see if i can go get help now. […]
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