So… i love a boy… but in the last 2 weeks and even today…
He’s causing so much pain in me…
And i’m standing here knowing i have to make a choice…
A girl, is sleeping in his apartment, she’s the type of girl that dates a different guy every month…
I really don’t like her
I want to trust that he will not cheat on me…
But i simply can’t do it, this is killing me everyday…
When i thought everything was going to get better…
It got a lot worst instead…
I’m so frustrated with all that…
I’m trying to be sober and all that […]
Tag:
get better
Im 23 and im tired of fighting this battle. I can no longer fill my head with the idea that it will get better. Im struggling everyday fighting back the tears. I seeked helped taken meds and yet i still feel like im living in hell. I think i will be done soon or hope i have the strength to end it. I feel bad for the ones i leave behind but enough is enough. My heart just wasnt made for this world. Its terrible we are put through this mental agony. I feel for everybody out there dealing with demons.
I’ve been a suicideproject reader for a year now. Been depressed for 8 years, but it’s getting on and off.
Why is it so hard to leave this world? Why is it not legal to end our own life?
I keep thinking about the homeless people, people who went crazy and just roam around in the streets. I put myself into their shoes and it made me more depressed. I thought that maybe someday I will become like them. NO!! I can’t take it anymore. I want to take my own life as soon as possible. I always cry every night. Even though I am still hanging […]
I posted this as a comment, but I just wanted to share it with others who might not read it.
I am still alive because of my curiosity. My life is shit right now, but it has to get better sometime, right? I just always tell myself that. It can’t always be like this. I wasn’t made to live this miserably forever. There’s no way. So my curiosity is, “I wonder when life is going to have that magical turning point for me. I wonder what’s going to be that turning point. What’s going to make me the ridiculously happy person I dream of being?”
So my advice to […]
Dear life,
I’m sorry. i guess I should start with that. I’m sorry for failing you. I’m sorry that it didn’t get better. That the things I’ve done have left scars on my body and the scars on my heart. I’m sorry that I didn’t try to smile more genuinely. I’m sorry that my laugh was plastic and stale. I’m sorry I spoke to loudly or never spoke at all. I’m sorry that I didn’t try to fall in love. I’m sorry I was so afraid of falling in love. I’m sorry I couldn’t be the best me I wanted. I’m sorry that my “phase” got […]
That’s me. A giant fuck-up. A huge mistake. A waste of space. Nothing important.
That’s how I feel today.
I accidentally came out to my mum today. She asked a rather leading question, which resulted in me accidentally telling her. She didn’t say anything back, and continues to treat me as normal. I wish she had said something, because I have all these thoughts of what she could have said or thought, and I feel like these thoughts are slowly destroying me.
I wasn’t ready to tell her, and I feel like I have been forced to come out, and it’s really upsetting. I feel […]
Pro’s:
My life is empty, pointless and meaningless.
I don’t have any omph/ passion for life.
I do the same thing everyday. Get up do nothing. Go to bed.
Just waiting for time to pass day by day.
I’m basically the walking dead.
All I ever do is sleep all day.
I have no job because I’m a lazy fuck.
I have no friends cause I’m a lazy fuck.
I don’t think it’s going to get better.
I’ve been like this for as long as I can remember.
Con’s:
I don’t want to go to hell (if there is one).
I have my family to think […]
I’ve been sick my whole life… Ever since I was two years old I was sick. I was diagnosed with type one diabetes at the age of two, and it’s been hard for me to cope with my entire life… I was bullied during elementary school not only by students but also by teachers… And then I went to high school where I thought things would get better. They were basically the same but on a larger scale. I fell in love with a boy, I really fell in love. He was my everything and we were together for nearly two years… He left and […]
I’ve been super depressed since 7th grade. I thought about cutting all the time and wanted to kill myself. That’s all I would talk to my friends about, and I lost many because of that. All through high school I have been doing everything I can to get better, but nothing worked. I couldn’t tell my parents because they wouldn’t support me, which means I couldn’t get on medications for it. I was about at breaking point my freshman year of college. I just pushed through until my 18th birthday. I finally got into the doctor to get some medications and was expecting a quick […]
Last week, Darvin wrote a list of 100 “reasons” as we should stay alive. I commented but didn’t go into depth. I read each one. My replies are in all caps.
HERE WAS DARVINS POST. THIS IS MY TAKE. my responses will be in all caps in order to tell between his and mine. Not yelling.
“1. We would miss you – YOU DONT EVEN KNOW ME.
2. It’s not worth the regret. Either by yourself if you failed or just simply left scars, or the regret everyone else feels by not doing enough to help you – THE DEAD HAVE NO REGRETS. I WONT FAIL WHEN THE […]
Hi, I’m a visual novelist… well that what I was aiming to be.
People often tell you: ”With time you will get better.”
Well, I wonder and anyway… I don’t have the luxury to take my time. But before I tell you about my current situation let me give you a slice of my past.
At the age of 15 I moved away from my country and started to travel with my parents in a country where I couldn’t reach my friends.
Internet you say? Well there were 8 to 9hours of time difference between them and me and I didn’t have a computer so I could only go […]
Darkness, my friend
Breathless, and tired has become a regular feeling, the darkness taking over the light within. Shadows of my past, the skeletons in my closet and the words that left scars, over flow, leaving me grasping for help. Unable to move, to face the day, I lay there in quiet, letting the shadow take all my goodness and innocence and leave me empty and hollow. Rushing through my days in a haze, forcing a smile onto my exhausted face so that no one can see that I’m falling. Smiling, laughing and hiding, leaves me feeling weak and small, I am just gliding through life […]
I’m suffocating.
I don’t know any other word for it.
I’m slowly suffocating in this life and I’m dying inside.
My mother asked me today, “Would you mind if I smoke?”
She knows that I HATE when she smokes. I’ve tried to help her stop smoking for the past 13 years and it seems like every time I think she;s getting better, she’s just faking it.
She told me she hopes that I can forgive her.
But how can I forgive a hypocrite? When I started smoking, she almost threw me out of the house. When I […]
A month ago, I decided it was time for me to get some help, so I did. It was really hard for me to do but I did it anyway. I am now seeing a psychiatrist and I’m trying to get back on the right track. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression, which I am taking medication for. Most days, I still feel like I just want to die but I’m trying to ignore those thoughts. Sometimes it works. I just want to be happy again. I know I won’t wake up and suddenly feel okay, which is why I’m still trying. I’m doing […]
I’ve been on and off in this site for the past four years. I remember creating and deleting a couple of accounts, writing and trashing my posts and I have been doing the same with my life too. I cry, cry and cry and then force myself to go back to my pathetic life thinking it might actually get better someday. I break down into pieces and then collect myself and find a little courage to get it going. I am already tired of repeating the same thing over and over again when its not going to take me anywhere at all. I have lost […]
I don’t really know why i am writing this i suppose it’s because i want someone out there to know the real me before i go. I’m so hollow inside it hurts all the time i feel hardly anything about anything and i never really have i am always wearing a mask portraying the emotions i should be showing and saying the things im supposed to say, everyone thinks i have the perfect life since i just seem so happy when im just falling apart inside ever since i was young i knew i was different from everyone else so i just pretended to be […]
I’ve been suicidal for 18 years, on meds for 14 years, and in therapy for 11 years. Nothing has helped. The only reason I haven’t done it is because I don’t have a method and I’m not going to try something unless it’s almost guaranteed to work and be quick and relatively painless. I’m trapped in my own body with no way out. I love my mom, but I resent her so deeply for bringing me into the world. Having a child is the number one most selfish thing a person can do, especially when there are so many babies and children who need to […]
Guys, I don’t know what to do. I was feeling productive and updated my resume, but for what. I don’t own a car and I don’t have my license because I need more practice, but there are no cars for me to practice with. My dad is an asshole and my mom is a ditz. They frustrate me so much. When I was in 6th grade, I wanted to divorce my parents. I think that is one of my biggest regrets in life. My all time biggest regret in life is that I didn’t try harder to kill myself in 8th grade. I was stupid. […]
Just a few things on my mind and I may seem harsh but reading some of these comments are making me ill. Your all encouraging each other to take your life’s? Giving each other options for easy ways out? I have been in the exact same situation as many of you&it does get better. We don’t need to encourage each other to take the easy way out. We need to be sharing some fucking hope! So if I come across as harsh, it’s because I generally care.
First of all, I don’t give a shit what anyone says; There is no reason why you should take […]
This woman at work reached out to me and I told her that I have no desire to live. We had a chat about it and she seemed pretty determined to see me get better. She’s had her own issues with depression and wants me to go for the same specialized therapy that she went in for. And she wants to be my friend, it seems, because she’s talking to me a lot more and wants to hang out after work.
I feel so guilty because she doesn’t know how much of a lost cause I am. There’s no helping someone like me because I want […]