it all started in 6th grade. i was bullied, my grandpa died, and other stupid stuff. im now in 8th grade, and i have strongly considered suicide around 11 times. couldnt God give me a break?!!?!?!? im only 14!!!!!!!!!! when your heart just feels so overwhelmed that you cant bare it any longer. i put a smile on my face everyday at school. thats just not something you want people to go around knowing. i got two really close friends. i just always felt guilty, them thinking they knew me, but they didn’t at all. they thought i was always happy and bubbly. guilt built up inside […]
My feelings about suicide after a beloved family member took their own life in 2012.
Happier Times
December 16, 2008 – Tuesday […]
It feels like I’m living on a roller coaster and I keep getting stuck at the bottom. The past year has been the worst if my life. My parents almost splitting up, my boyfriend attempting suicide, my dad threatening suicide, one of my old friends taking her own life and me being blamed for it. There is no comparison for that type of pain, that agony. I didn’t cause this I had to tell myself just to drag myself out of bed in the morning. People I thought were friends turned their back on me. It hurt. Then another person close to me takes his […]
im tired of all this shit 🙁 i want it all just to go away…………..i dont really care how…..but it would kinda be nice if it was now…………i look back at the notes i wrote on my phone and i think to myself……………why dont you just put your missery out now……is it really worth going threw all this pain and suffer…..will things actually really get better at the end of this mest up world be calll life…….i do believe there’s a heaven and i do believe there is a hell but i feel like the one below is kinda pulling me down while God is […]
I am finally ready to physically die. Â I always knew that eventually the pain of being alive would be worse than the fear of dying. I can’t take it. Â I have to face the reality of my life. Â After more than 40 years, no one has ever been in love with me. Â I just can’t keep putting myself through each new day knowing that no one will ever touch me. Â I am disgusting and worthless. I don’t even have God anymore. Â How can I love Him when I know he doesn’t love me? When I know that he created me as this unlovable thing? […]
I am all alone in this mysterious world.I know almost nothing about my life,myself or the world around me.I’m really lost in the darkness of my great ignorance.I don’t know much about myself either.I can’t understand the workings of my own mind.It seems as though I am myself part of the mystery of existence and life.I am so helpless and lonely.The god of this enigmatic universe manipulates and controls all aspects of my life.He controls the innermost parts of my mind.I’m like a toy in his powerful hands.And death is getting closer and closer to me.My life smells of death.My body is so mortal that […]
Words of wisdom.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Na9-jV_OJI
i drag myself from my bed, from the warmth of my room, from the safty of my house. and go to what i call my living hell. i pull up. park my car take a deep breath and put a fake smile on my face. all i think is i dont belong in the day light. i walk through the halls full of liers and perverts, bullies and bitches and think to myself. i cant wait for college.
walking down the hall. my music blasting.. i look up.. and see your eyes.. the eyes that i used to love. and now every time i look into […]
It is sad that now I don’t feel like I’m a “human” anymore, or want to be associated with a being called “human”. I mostly hate humanity nowadays, and have become a Misanthrope, and disillusioned as well with this so-called “real world”. it sucks, and Humanity, though I used to believe it has so much hidden potentials, yet now I unfortunately can’t help but feeling Humanity is largely hopeless: we’re destroying our own Planet, animals, and even killing our fellow species over some stupid, close-minded, most ignorant & selfish, senseless reasons..
Can anybody here relate?…what to do then?…
Here’s a complete and detailed ‘rant’ of mine, if […]
I’m at the point in my life my 23 year old life…Where I’m wondering is this world a state of my own design…Have I created this person that lives inside of me are is it as they say “Clinical Depressionâ€â€¦I’ve been this way for so long that I don’t know what happiness is…To the outside world have
everything a person could want are need but to me it’s like something is always missing…I’m always seeking that small unattainable piece of happiness that never seems to come my way…I push away people even though I need them more then air…I can’t work are go to school […]
Tears streaming down my fave my hands shake as i pick up the cigaret from the ashtray.i have all these differentt thoughts running threw my mind do i deserve to die or is that just the devil inside.i gt up tears coming harder because i know what im about to do.i race toy room, nothing can stop me from what iam about to do.i look for my pills there they are right on the dresser as they were before.i open them up and count them out loud,theres only fifty but im about to swallow them down,im done i did it now i have […]
everynight… I have to go to sleep with this image in my head tht makes me wish I was never born… Nd sometimes I wonder, was I born to be torcherd ? Does god hate me, or is there a god??? Because if there is… He ain’t helping me… Nd I have faith, nd I pray… I just don’t get it..
i just gotta let all of this off my chest, it hurts so much. it’s been 40 days since i last cut, since my father said that the next time i cut, he would do something about it, he would put me in a facility that would help me, unlike my mother. i know, not cutting is a good thing, but you have no clue how much it helps. everyone has drama, at home, at school, whatever, but i just got to tell someone, even if no one reads this sh*! and i gotta tell u, it’s long, but if you could help me, i […]
Why do I still try? Everything I do is wrong, nothing is right! I hate my life, everyday I think god why am I still here! I would rather give my life to someone who deserves it, not me! I try following what my heart wants, I try thinking happy thoughts! That doesnt work :/ Why should I keep trying, no one cares about me! I think to my self, why was I ever born, why must I live the life I live! where I am depressed! Only one person makes me feel like I am special! He loves me and I love him! Sometimes […]
I cant put into words how much i hate living.life really suck.nobody likes me,me friends dont get me and i feel so alone in this world i always wake.and wonder whats the point in life.I ask everyday why do god wake me why must i suffer eberyday.i blame myself for this deep depression if i had just ended my life the first time i wouldnt feel this way.its hard living this life
so its a new year, another year of my stupid and meaningless life.
my own family did not wish me a new year. they celebrated and wished on their own and i could hear their celebration but no one thought that i was there too. My best friend messaged me and called me but what a luck i got, he is in england and its impossible for me to judt go there and meet him.
I don’t know who am i writing to or talking to with this post. but i have a feeling that atleast someone around this world cares for me. I […]
Lies mess things up. I’ve told lie upon lie to try to get through each day, week, month, year. They all come back to bite me eventually. I have a few more out there – bills about to come due. God, please make the landing gentle or erase the debt.
My mother lied to me about using my credit card without permission, even with the evidence in her face. My father tells lies – that my stepmother doesn’t hate me, that things will turn out okay. (Things might turn out okay, but he sure doubts it. I can tell.)
If I go on living, I’ll tell lies. […]
I often feel like I can’t relate to this material, physical earthly world anymore, and the majority of people here on this planet earth.
I often feel like there must be something MORE than this limited existence of our human body,
or I’m afraid if it’s all my human’s “creative” wishful-thinking and made-up escapism feeling/story..
does my human brain playing all these tricks on me, or it is really REAL: that there are indeed something much MORE that I can access/connect/tap into?..but I just need to find HOW to do it?..
Tell me please: is there really something MORE that I can do and ‘ascend/transcend’ in […]
Thank you, Lord!.
Thank you, Father!.
Thank you, God!.
You truly are the path of happiness and joy.
I have never in my life felt more happy than now at this very moment.
The darkness of the world confuses us, and makes us pursue earthly desires… money, vanity, lust, fame, food….
Lord break our chains to these sins. We have become slowly slaves to these earthly desires. We wallow in our sins, and we rationalize to ourselves that this is the way. That such pleasures that never fill but increase our void is what is right.
Lord break our chains to these sins. Let us break free. Slaves no more […]
I’m 58 years old, working in Iraq so my wife could spend time with her sister and our nephew who died of brain cancer 1-Nov-11. I came here for her, for my family and stayed though I hated being away from my home and family, I stayed because they were proud of me.
Up until coming here in May-2011, the longest I’ve been separated from my wife was three weeks while she visited our son in Japan. She has wanted to go to Japan for as long as I’ve known her and when our granddaughter was born there, my son was in […]