I just don’t understand people. It’s like everyone else got some guidebook to human behavior and my copy got lost in the mail. Maybe I’m a cynic, but god, it’s just easier to assume the worst of people than expect the best and end up disappointed. My closest friend is moving in a few months, to a city four hours away. I know I should spend the time with her now while she’s here, but I . . . can’t. Every time I talk to her I just end up lost somewhere between crying and absolute detachment. I’m treating her like she’s already gone; it’s […]
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I have been depressed for almost 2 years now. I told my aunt that I was depressed about 1 year ago. The reason why I’m depressed will take me to long to explain, so if your wondering why, check the post that says: “Wishing, Waiting, Dieing”. Anyway, she took me to see a consular a couple of days after I told her how I felt. At that first meeting I was told that if I wasn’t better within the next month, I would be put on a depression pill. A month goes by, nothing. Another month goes by, nothing. I start to let the pain […]
I want to die because I am a fool. I have nothing called life because I am a fool. Because of my clumsiness no one ever loves me. I have no friends. I dont even think of girlfriends. I have been staying with my uncle and his family since first grade and over the years they have only grown to hate me. Every relatives I know hate me. I have never known what is to be loved, and in all these years I have forgotten to love. When you lose your heart the life is not being worth to live. I have also decided never […]
Ever since my mom died when i was 14 i’ve been depressed. I was a momma’s girl, i slept in the bed with her till i was 12. Alot of things happened to me as a child. My father left when i was 3 and I was molested by a friend of the family when i was 8. I remember being really shy as a child and scared of everyone and everything. I was constantly teased by my older sisters for being so cringy and i’d cry. Then one friday morning, after fighting a long battle of breast cancer, my mother died in her bedroom. When she died noone even acknowledged my presence. […]
I was a pretty popular man in High School. Most people seemed to know and like me. But, 3 years after in a month, I’ve gone nowhere. No job, no school. I’m an aspiring writer but don’t know how that’s gonna work out. I guess the saying’s maybe somewhat true after all that the popular kids don’t do well after high school. I wasn’t mean to people unless I felt they were mean first so I wasn’t one of the stereotypical popular people in school. I also did feel suicidal 95% of 2008 and occasionally do this year. Thank GOD not to that extent though. […]
I am a 39 year old female, who has worked hard my whole life and up till a few years ago could not have been prouder of where I was, and how far I had came. I have never been in trouble with the law, and have been with my husband for over 20 years, and could never think of life any other way. Till 3 years ago. I had a siezure. I had not had any health problems at all before that, but after that first one, I had 3 more within 2 months. After many, many different doctors, we never found out why. […]
I read. I read the stories.
I see. I see your problems.
You feel the pain for someone dieing, or getting abused. Loving someone that doesn’t love you back. Loving the devil them self?
You don’t die, not yet, you’re scarred.
Scarred of reactions. Pain. GOD. Most of you are scarred of GOD! The other half of you are scarred of what a family member will see. Don’t want them traumatized. Don’t want them to end up like you.
[…]
I have a lot of things. I have a lot more than many people.  I am healthy, attractive, happily married, and just about to graduate from a great grad-school. I have everything to live for, but I every time when I turn around the corner, I see death calling me. I really cannot think about anything that I want bad enough to live for. Tonight I relapsed. I took a needle and pieced through my skin and my veins. For a brief moment I felt something. When I saw my blood oozing out of my arm, I felt maybe a brief moment of something.  I know exactly what […]
My life is great. Loving parents. Not poor (nither rich but like it matters). There is no reason for me to want to die. I do though. There’s no reason for me to live. I don’t believe in god. I don’t care about family reactions. I only care about myself. I’m selfish, I don’t have a problem with me being selfish. I WANT TO DIE. I just don’t want pain. Every death is painful if self inflicted. Other than pills, but if that doesn’t work. People will make it impossible for me to kill myself, and I’ll have worse of a life. Joy! Any ideas?
im in 9th grade and theis friday we ware having a talent show. well get this. i was just in practes and we war 1 mesure (4 beets) off and we got kiked out becaus the ***** hates me and my friend! we had woked for about 3 months on a song calld bring me to life by evenecenc. three bloody months! the ***** oferd us our $10 back….how dous that compensate for time wasted i cold have ben working on my web page or sompthing i even made a fuking efort to stop cutting my self so i woldent freek out the liddel kids […]
hey all suicidal angels.. im calista.. well, im suicidal..it’s been awhile..ive tried it so many times but here I am, typing this up. How I wish im dead by now..i just dont wanna live but in some point,i feel i dont wanna commit suicide and pray to God that someone might stab me up or something..It can be anything,i just dont wanna live.
Since I was 5, my life really intense. Parents always want the best out of me, so I gave them all. I do so many things in life, Im always the best student in school and in college, i cook, i bake, i […]
When I think of myself more often then not I just want to puke. I used to be so happy and free spirited and I feel high school and just recent events in my life is ruining me. I am more cynical, I dont get along with parents, I dont have a 4.0, I feel fat and ugly…i am a let down to my amazing little sister and my life is just one big treadmill. Its like ive climbed on and cant get off. I just have to keep running because I cant stop or I will get flung off and I dont know how to […]
How I idealize: a certain member here sums it up perfectly. So I sat down and idealized more. And watched a very good film on the subject.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0477139/
Film teaser: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gn7GVNskKU8
It is about us. It is a beautiful film that is as funny as it made me cry. I don’t want to spoil it for anyone, you should just watch it.
This is all I do now, idealize my own death and who I will meet afterwards. There is a romance to it. And it’s not to get back at anyone, I just want to reach outward and upward.
My life (oh boy, the “my life story” […]
Tonight i’m going to truely give in to this stupid cycle of misery and i’m going to make it end.
I’ve planned it well i beleave no one suspects i’m going to do it, i saw a counselor and i lied to him and chickened out of the help i know i need, walking into his office i felt so sure that he could fix me, help me but then i knew that no one could fix me so i lied and made out it wasn’t as bad as it seemed ironically he asked if i had a plan or some method, i said no […]
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