First of all I”ll tell u about my parents: when my mother was pregnant with me in her she wanted a girl since I have 2 older brothers, so when I was a child she used to treat me like a girl my hair was long, she used to let me wear dresses…etc I really love her the most in my familly, my older brother has psychological problems (autism, shezophrenia and some other syndromes) his iq is 70 – 80 therefore a lot of schools didn’t accept him, he should have went to a private school for special people like him, but my father insisted […]
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I’m the only member of my immediate family that is alone. I don’t fit in or figure into their lives. They make plans and do things without even asking if I’m interested. I’m the proverbial 5th wheel. So when I die I don’t expect they’ll really miss me. I can’t even work anymore because of my heart. I understand loneliness. I truly believe no one even wants to love me. What do I have to offer a potential partner?
Those of you who have “seen” me on here for 5 years know that I have a badly damaged heart and had to quit the job I […]
Idk. I’ve been doing very well lately with college and diet.
I meet this guy 3 months ago, thought he was my friend but we become closer and it didn’t work out at the end. Too bad I know him and his intentions enough to realize how predictable can be everything when it comes to misunderstandings. I guess I don’t like him that much if i can’t deal with the whole situation. I didn’t wanted to be with him in a romantic way anyway, it ruined everything, wish i would said “no” at the very first chance. We had a good laugh though.
So, again, i meet […]
well today is my birthday. and i am debating whether or not i want to stay alive. no one knows what is going on with me or else i probably wouldn’t be sitting here alone. but that is ok. the people who do know i am suicidal ie shrink, therapist, all have other people to attend to. i am willing to bet i am not even on their radar today. i have the means, a place picked out, all i need is some gumption to get moving. the bottom line is i can’t take living like this anymore. this depression just won’t let up and […]
Im 17 years old. My dad is a heavy drinker and is addicted to meth. When I was younger my dad used to touch me inappropriately when he was all strung out on meth. Everytime I now see him strung out, I play the moment of him touching me. I’m scarred for life. I can’t look at my father the same. I smoke weed to cope. I am really depressed with my home life. No one in my family has ever graduated from my moms side or my dads side, an I want to be the first. But I don’t .believ in myself. I lack […]
Hey .. I have spent a long time on this site and its pretty cool .. a lot of warm, nice people that care for each other even though we have never seen each other in real life.. It’s really nice to see that.. I am pretty good to make people feel better but I have my downfalls too.. but here is my story: it may not be as bad as some out here but its to much for me to deal with.. : I feel alone. I look around always and I see groups of friends laughing having fun enjoying themselves or […]
Under suffocating stress. But. Life goes on. God is somewhere there.
You know that old saying “don’t surround yourself with shitty people”
I feel bad for being in someone else’s company. I feel sorry for them as they have to put up with my presence. I don’t say much, but then try to make up for it and say too much. I go on about shit and cringe in my mind, asking myself “why the fuck did you just say that just shut the fuck up”
But then I hate being left alone with my own mind. Shits pretty scary and fucked up in there.
The truth is, I don’t want to surround people with myself, because I’m a really shitty […]
Every day I wake up, dreading everything and anything that could happen during the day. I get to school. Everything’s fine. Walk down the hall my friends wait for the bell in and sit with them. Just fine. They start talking with each other, leaving me to my thoughts, and suddenly everything around me goes quiet. It’s like a little island. Just me. Reaching out for someone to notice the little, nerdy, fat girl who just wants to be loved. Then the bell rings and everything is fine. My friends call me to walk with them to class and we joke around as if nothing […]
I wonder what my mom would like for mother’s day. Flowers? Perfume? A hug? Maybe from her daughters! That’s right she doesn’t count me as a daughter. She’d probably like it better if she could sign a certificate to disown me. I can sort of give her that.
My mother has two daughters (half siblings who are in their mid-twenties) whom she has always loved and adored. They got anything that they asked for and more. Me? The COMPLETE opposite. I barely got attention infact the only attention I ever got was negative. Neither of my parents have ever told me that they loved me. But […]
i keep struggling to find myself.. as if who I was completely dissolved into air and what’s left behind is a hunk of junk. today, I’m late for school again. I don’t even want to be here. all these teachers trying to educate us on nonsense that were never going to use in life. I dread school because of how stupid the administration is. I can’t wait for my junior year to be over and see how my senior year goes… if I make it…
If I can ask you to take a moment and answer my question, it would really help. My life up to where I am has not been good to me so far. I am a 17 year old male who and have been depressed for most of my life since I was little. I dont show that i am extremely sad and so I am a jokester to most of my “friends” and family. And the reason I say “friends” is because for all my life no one has had my back when push came to shove. I have not had a girlfriend or have […]
Sigh……….I bought a new bed and headboard/foot board. The rest will be furnished from thrift stores and consignment shops. I still have no enthusiasm for this move. Still longing to go to eternal sleep.
And so it goes………….
…its hard… It’s harder…and occasionally it’s on super extraordinary hard mode…
I’m an old member who thought I was done with this place…. Right… Not even close. I won’t say I wish I was dead. But I wish I could free myself ….
After retrospectively examining every second prior to this I now understand that it all boils down to choices….
There isn’t anything stopping us from making better choices.
Seriously just think of a few choices in your everyday life that could drastically change your life. Something as simple as a bus ticket can change your life. If you are underage a new book, look, game or friend […]
it always ends with me hurting myself I have gone weeks with out cutting myself but it always comes back I hate myself I try to do good things for myself go to college classes and work I can’t pretend to be happy I can’t find anything to smile about I love whiskey try to drink a bottle a day i love drugs do them a lot anything to numb myself to forget about my shitty life and escape it for a short while my life is revolved around getting trashed and slashing my body up I get so down and depressed I don’t want […]
Fuuuuuuuuck. Shit goes downhill fast, people.
I apologize for my rambling. It probably goes from rambling thought to another.
I don’t remember being happy or a least happy for long. Although, I remember when I fell in love with someone, I was very ecstatic. However as time moved one, this romantic interest I have with a friend I loved dearly proved to be unfruitful. It turns out, it was a pretty much a lie. I watched her flirt with me while she would officially have relationship another guy (a boyfriend). I was like her dirty desire she would talk to on the phone. We would plan non-existent dates and vacations. She’s married […]
Depression has literally ruined my life. My mom doesn’t accept me because of my behavior so I got moved away for my only biological family (my sister) and moved to my dads, which his girlfriend doesn’t accept me because of my behavior and the fact that my dad goes out of his way to help benefit me so that I don’t jump off his balcony. I was a straight A B C student till around 7th grade I lost all motivation but somehow made it to 9th grade and completely failed because I stayed in the bathroom due to the fact that I hated going […]
I.Feel.Like.Shit! I can never stop feeling like shit. It feel like I was born to feel like shit because it never goes away.Nothing ever takes me away from feeling so down. I got to counseling but it never helps. The only time I feel good is when I am with other people ! When I am alone …..I just think I think about the absolute worst!!!! I can’t stop the thoughts, it’s like I can’t breathe . I consider killing myself almost everyday but I’m Afraid. I just want to get out of this hell of a life. This shitty ass life that I can’t […]
So done with you. Instead of just filing a customer complaint you decide to hound me down with personal insults? At least I won’t have to deal with this when I’m dead. Which is soon if all goes to plan and I can thank the school who gave me this ptsd for starting it, and you for finishing it.
Fuck this. Fuck you. ****.