I just cut myself for the very first time, I had been thinking of doing this for a while but never did. Tonight it all was too much and I did it and it was AMAZING, the feeling of the reason on my skin and the slight burning sensation as it broke it apart. The little blood that came out was like the reward for a good job and I can’t wait to do so again.
Tag:
Good Job
haven’t posted on here in forever but I guess that’s good. I don’t know.
This one guy who I had a thing for last year but never really talked to (it’s a rather long story) well he sits a few seats over from me at lunch. and my friend spilled my water all over and he was cleaning it up and the guy asked me if I was going to use my paper bag (don’t ask me how that would help clean up the mess I really don’t know.) then he quickly added “I mean besides suffocating yourself. I know you want to kill yourself […]
The thing about my cutting, is that I can’t stop, it’s the only way I even know how to cope. My parents tried to force me to quit cutting. The stress made me want to do it even more. So I continued and even picked up smoking. They stopped trying to make me quit, because they thought they did a good job, and that I had quit. They all have no clue I continued or picked up another habit. I just cut less than two hours ago, my entire stomach basically. Covered in blood from my habit, burning from all the pain. I sadly like […]
growing up, i’ve realized that life isn’t a gift. though, it isn’t hell ethier. they are both of a mix, even though that seems a bit impossible.
for me there’s no drive for life for me. i know i’m extremely young, but i think i know this outline of life. i really don’t understand why bother involve yourself with living. what is life about? gettting married? getting a good job? getting an awesome career? or just be happy? < now, how will this help any1 else around me? or to make others happy? hell, no one has the fing answer, i know that, but why? scientificly, we”re here because ceellls, […]
I guess I should start with a statement of “I know that I”m a really lucky person, and life, while not perfect, had been nice to me.” I am born in a really developed country, and have so many benefits that many other countries doesn’t have. I am gifted and loved by god in many ways (learned how to read a language through watching TV, drawings that had won numerous awards and got me a 60,000 scholarship money, performed dance for the Winter Olympics, top three in my school, an hourglass figure, decent face, and healthy body with no mutations…etc.) But I don’t see a […]
I consider myself very blessed. I have a good job, I am somewhat successful even though I am not wealthy. My family is did functional but who’s is not. For the last month I have been feeling down. I had a bad break up a while ago and I was doing fine, seeing other people and just having fun. But lately I cannot break free from this hold over me, I hardly eat I am easily angered and I lost interest in my hobbies. I feel as if I am lost in a crowd. I feel like I am doomed to loneliness for eternity. I […]
I am a person who has destoyed so many people throughout my adult life. I met my husband and he was married at the time, I got pregnant. He did not have a good marriage, or so I was told. He left his family for me, and we had our baby.  He still had his family, and his children came around at first, but that ended rather quickly. So we had another baby a year and a half later, and we had our family. His parents did not want anything to do with us, which I completely understood. I was hurt, because I was lied […]
hello, Â I’ve been sad for quite some time, I’ve attempted to commit so many times, so many different ways. Here’s alittle bit of my background, I was inlove, I had friends, I had a good job. Everything is gone, I’m not happy anymore, life has manage to take everything away from me. Did I cause this? was it my fault that everyone is gone? For the past week I have been researching on different ways to commit, I came across this website and here I am, making my first post.
I think I felt inlove with my eyes close. I knew it was true love, I […]
I live a life, yet I feel like I do not truly hold an important existence. All I am is an immense disappointment, a big burden, & faith put to waste. I have felt worthless and invisible in society ever since I was a little child, and I have worked so hard to overcome that, yet I have just landed right back into that same dilemma and loneliness. In so many ways, I am still that lonely, confused, and lost child I was then, yet unlike then, there just is no hope for me now. Change just is not possible.
One of the biggest issues in my […]
iv had a lot of thing happen to me in my life but the one thing that iv learned is that the people and things that are closest to you are the things that can hurt you
the most.
just recently i left my dad (im 16 by the way), my parents are divorced and every since iv felt like an empty shell, not because they are divorced but because they
are such different people.
all i want is to be normal, to get good exam results and go to a good college and get a good job, but i cant, i cant because i […]
So many times, i have wondered, what is the meaning of life?Â
Is it to be happy?
To find love?
To make a difference?
To experience new things?
Because I’m already 15 and felt like I’ve wasted a quarter of my life.Â
So much pressure is put on exceling in academics, but what’s the point? It feels as if everyday, the only purpose of life is to do well in every test in order to get a good job. It’s as if our lives are based soley on how well to do academically, and when we fail in academics, the repercussions are horrible.
The disappointment from the family…the judgement from the teachers […]
when i was a little girl i was happy
i didn’t think anything could hurt me
didn’t know about the world just waiting to destroy me
when i was a little girl i was innocent
i didn’t break rules
didn’t go looking for trouble
not like i do now
when i was a little girl i had many friends
i made friends very easily
everyone wanted to be my friend
that is no longer the case
when i was a little girl i knew what i wanted
i knew i wanted to have a family
a good job. someone to love and care for
now im not sure
when […]
snippets from a journal I write, to try and not spill all this into my personal life and job; better on paper, and better left where some will agree and sympathize.
This is the modern world — if you are over 45 and out of work, you cannot expect a good job or a salary that is more than basic sustenance. There will be no retirement, no golden years, no health care, no public assistance. By not having amassed wealth, I became of no value to this country. I am miserable about the state of this country, half the citizens clamoring for more breaks for the […]
Everyone just works their asses during Jr. High and High School so the can get good grades and go to college. Then once they’re in college, everyone works their asses off so they can get good grades and graduate and get a good job. Then everyone works their fucking asses off in their jobs so they can make money. Then once they have money they buy a big house but they can never come home to it, can they? That’s right because they’re too busy working their asses off to afford that house and cleaning ladies and putting their kids through school even though their […]
The long, sad story of my self-hate and depression:
I know there’s something wrong with me.. i feel there’s something wrong with me.. there HAS to be something wrong with me. I miss my old self. I miss being normal. I’m just getting more and more pathetic day by day. I can’t really explain what’s happening to me. I try to make sense out of it and i can’t. I’ve heard there’s a period of self-hate during life, but it’s just been getting stronger and stronger. Maybe some people just never grow out of it?
To break it down.. i’m a useless piece of sh_t. I have no […]
I’ve never been bullied before as much as i do now . what did I do to that it’s ok to hurt me. I am already hurting emotionally, good job for making it even harder. This guy always shakes me or touches my hair or my face. Yeah I laugh to make myself feel better. But I just want to cry and makes me feel pathetic that I can’t just make him stop. Usually when he would do something to me I would tell him stop (even though he doesn’t) but this time I didn’t say anything. It happened. I just wanted to cry and […]
To start I have been watching this site for a year. I have witnessed sorrow, pain, emptiness, death, and living the life of death. I have also watched a few people climb from the edge and feel wonderful.
I am so sorry to tell you this but that lasting happiness is a lie. Someday everything you built will come crashing down. Your spouse will leave you sure to your mental wearing them down. Those people who can see the worlds splendor will never truly understand us.
I have a good job, a sweet step-daughter, a beautiful wife, and the cutest dog in the world.
I […]
I can’t say that my parents are divorced, or say that they fight or that I’m unhappy with anyone. But there are some things in my life I would like to change:
1)Make friends.
2)Stop cutting.
3) Recover from my endless depression.
My parents they are ordinary parents. They want the best for me. To go to University, get a good job and have a loving husband and children.But sometimes the pressure gets way too overwhelming. What if I mess up in high school? What if I don’t become doctor? What will happen then? I let my parents down, who sacrificed everything for my well being.
Sometimes I […]
My story starts about 5 months ago when I left a really good job that I done for over 5 years and the pay was great. My wife and dad said not to leave the job, i have two kids.Â
I left this job because I had arranged to drive a taxi that my f@@@ing brother in law said that the pay was good and hours were reasonable because he was doing it (he lied so I can be like him), thinking more money and good hours might as well go for it. Resigned from my good job and my colleagues told me to take a […]
When I sit and think about my life, there is only a few good memories and few times when I can remember being genuinely happy. I feel that I am just going through repetitive motions everyday. I am taking 5 classes and working 36 hours a week. I have a good job and make good money. I am always so busy trying to keep up with school and work but I rather it be that way than to have time for my mind to travel.
From other people’s perspective, I have it all. But it is a very different story from my point of view. I honestly don’t […]