There’s nothing wrong with my life, besides the fact that I’m a useless leech. I’m 28 and haven’t done a damn thing with my life. I’ve always been told that it’s because I’m lazy, and I’ve accepted it. I’ve been sad for no *good* reason for most of my life (plenty of shallow reasons–too stupid, too ugly, too awkward, etc, etc). Attempted suicide once, many years ago. Woke up in intensive care to suffer massive guilt from my mother. My dad wouldn’t speak to me for almost a year after that–just flat out ignored me, though we lived in the same house. (Because of course […]
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Good Reason
Hi all i’m new.
I just want to have a little rant about a psychological term known as projection and if anyone has to unfortunately spend time around anyone who does this.
I have a pretend friend that i have known for around 15 years, he used to be a great lad however, he changed in character very suddenly and started to become more secretive with his thoughts.
Before this happened he would always have his worries about fitting in in some way or another it seemed like he just didn’t know who to be….identity crisis maybe.
Anyways, mentions of always feeling like he was the back of the […]
I am only 13. And I think about suicide often. Im so young, and ive had it so hard. Things just confuse me so much. When I was 10 I made a “reasoning book” Every time something kills me a little more inside, and makes me think of suicide I write it down in my reasoning book. My plan is when I get to my 100th reason, I will finally try to seek help. I will ask for help. I will put all my trust on a line, and ask for help. And if finding help fails, It will be my last day to breathe. […]
I’ve never felt more alone than I do now. Some days, including this one, I think I’m bi-polar. I’ve never been officially diagnosed, but it wouldn’t amaze me if I was. I repel people more than I compel any form of welcome, probably because of the anger I constantly wear on my sleeves, or my lifeless stare that can become intimidating once I move my eye brows in the right, or perhaps, the wrong direction. These eyes of mine can look just as puzzled as anyone else pondering why I look so angry and full of disgust all the time. […]
So lonely but apparently having emotions is wrong is since I am a guy. It’s really just depressing how the world looks at my situation. Basically I’m a wuss for crying even though I have perfectly good reason to. Â Wanting to hug and kiss someone makes me needy although isn’t that one of the key thing man walks the Earth? To find love and acceptance? I was put in a crisis center aka mental hospital for people my age and you would think I would hate being there. If I can tell you this I love being in there. Sure the beds are hard to […]
It would seem as though I have a lot. Well-off family, decently attractive, intelligent…the list goes on. Sometimes, I feel like such an asshole for even feeling lousy when so many people in the world are suffering and have none of the things I have. But I just cant find a way to be happy.
I was adopted, so I don’t even know my medical history. Depression in the family? Who knows. I am 22 now and should be graduating from college, but I have transferred twice and can’t connect socially with anyone, anywhere. Everyone thinks I am super smart and know everything, but then why […]
Sorry, everyone, but tonight you are going to read what my best friend so aptly describes as “The inessential ramblings of a disconsolate teenager”. I write on many subjects, love being one of them. This is meant to be a song, but I can’t write music, so it’s just lyrics. I wrote this a few weeks ago. For all of those heartbroken tonight, I feel your pain. As always, FEEDBACK IS HIGHLY APPRECIATED (as are suggestions for a title).
I used to try
To separate reality from the lie
To keep my dreams distant
Especially while you were present
Because my mind has a mind of its own
It has a […]
My mum is cheating on my dad with someone else. And I think I know who that person is. My best friend’s dad. I found out, and I can’t tell anyone. Because if I did, everyone’s world would change. Everyone around me will be affected severely.
I’ve been living this awful secret for almost 8 years. I knew this since I was really young. My mum left her phone at home (which she NEVER lets us use). I was young, and I went through her messages and found things I shouldn’t be finding or knowing. Sappy, disgusting messages. I read each one with tears in my […]
I’ve written about this before but I feel the need to write about it again. When I’m depressed I’m happy.
Let me explain…
Today for the first time in awhile I wasn’t depressed at all. I haven’t been on any antidepressants for two days and all of a sudden I can breathe. I’m tempted to start taking them again so I get worse. When I’m depressed people worry about me. It’s the only time I know they actually care about and love me. They take care of me so I don’t have to. I guess too that I’m so familiar with sadness, hopelessness, helplessness, hatefulness, shame, guilt […]
personality keeps splintering, can’t choose a way to be, it’s tiring carrying on multiple faces. What am I talking about? Am I insane. I laughed when I read daniel radcliffe was drunk during a bunch of the harry potter scenes; i laughed to tears. Addicitve personalities man.. i started back drinking coffee again, appetites completely gone, was doing so good eating naturally.. had chocolate this morning after 2 months off.. was doing so well
i was set on not coming back here ever, set on trying harder to be positive, but even then I knew that it was the lingering buzz of the nights events still […]
work and play have lost all meaning. The barriers between personal and professional life have shattered. It’s all the same crap now, junk that’s in between me and non-existence. I work and play but don’t put my heart into anymore; nothing feels good. I am Anhedonia.
I can’t live like this, my life is not so bad that I have any “good” reason to kill myself but it’s not good in any way either. It’s been good but I don’t enjoy things.
I can go home after working and sedate myself and do it all over again but why??! FUCK! Friends don’t mean much to me […]
If there is some positive takeaway I can give to others before I go it is this:
There is far, far too much hurt in this world. Averting your eyes, looking away, looking down, trying to ignore another human being in pain is weak. Being jaded, cold, unfeeling or taking a hard line with someone who is in pain is cowardice.
Every single day, we are confronted with people suffering whether it be sorrow from a break-up or death of a loved one or being in a place where you go hungry and are cold at night, it’s everywhere. This world, life, it’s a ************. It isn’t […]
I can’t begin to explain how tired I am of everything. Â Tired of being a failure, tired of the loneliness, tired of feeling like an alien that doesn’t belong anywhere, tired of not having any money, tired of putting on a brave face, tired of my shitty family, tired of having “trusted” friends stabbing me in the back, tired of hurting, tired of being hurt, tired of the sadness, tired of missing the only man I ever loved, tired of having everything go wrong, tired of the holidays … most of all, I’m tired of living.
I know people keep saying that tomorrow is the start […]
I really don’t know why I should live and suffer? My life is hoepless. People say we shouldn’t kill ourselves cause the ones who love us would be sad, but I don’t need to worry about that, I’ve got no family, I don’t have any friends, and I’ve never been in love. I’m sure nobody will be sad if I die. I’m poor educated, and too old and too poor to go back to school. And of course, my job is not the good reason to live, it doesn’t give me satisfaction. and I’m middle aged and very sick, I’ve got no chance to have […]
I’ve been trying hard to find a good reason that I should live. But, sadly, I couldn’t find one. I don’t wanna make things too complicated, after all, life is smiple. But, what’s a point if I am not happy?  I’ve been suffering from depression for more than 8 years. Nothing can cure me. I can cry several times a day, 7 days a week. My crying makes me so tired, but I just can’t help it. I’ve got no family, no friends, I tried to force myself to talk to others, but I hate it, I’m not confortable with it. I don’t wanna talk to anyone, and […]
Ever since I was little, I always felt left out. I always felt that way because any time I tried to be social and fit in I’d get burned. I am 24 now and the depression is sinking in ever deeper day by day. From when I screwed up my first true relationship with a girl whom I believe I was in love with and shared deep emotions with. Ever since then my life has spiraled down. I lost my job at the same time that I broke up with her, and I made things worse by constantly bugging her. I went through drinking heavily […]
I was a pretty popular man in High School. Most people seemed to know and like me. But, 3 years after in a month, I’ve gone nowhere. No job, no school. I’m an aspiring writer but don’t know how that’s gonna work out. I guess the saying’s maybe somewhat true after all that the popular kids don’t do well after high school. I wasn’t mean to people unless I felt they were mean first so I wasn’t one of the stereotypical popular people in school. I also did feel suicidal 95% of 2008 and occasionally do this year. Thank GOD not to that extent though. […]
Im putting this somewhere in cyberspace since no one in my life would bother to read it if I left it here and I want someone somewhere to know my story.
Ive been alone for so long now that I can barely remember what its like to have an actual conversation and the crushing solitude has crossed the threshold of the unbearable and any hope of rekindling any kind of social connection has long since faded so its time to hang it up (not literally though im way too much of a ***** to do it that way). […]
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