It’s funny the things that push you to the edge. I write on here just in case I have the strength to leave for good and someone will find this to get answers on why I would have done what I did. I haven’t felt the need to leave in a long time. I thought I was doing so good. Things were looking up. Just slightly. At least enough for me to only contemplate it once in awhile. Have you guys ever read Thirteen Reasons Why? I read it way too much. I get lost into it. I get lost on the idea of leaving […]
Tag:
good
A friend of mine just committed suicide 4 days ago and everyone in my community is totally shocked.
I was wondering what experiences you may have had with a suicide of a friend or family – whomever – and how you dealt with it.
He was a very smart student was best in his school year and an extremely intelligent and good person. He left a note that said noone should feel guilty with all his bank accounts and formal stuff. Then he left and jumped from a 10 story building. Before he has been fighting depression for one year and had medication ( I’m not sure […]
I can’t sleep…but I’m so tired. I’ve been lying in bed for a long-time just thinking. I want to just go for a walk right now. It’s after midnight and there’s a curfew in my town but I have this urge to just walk around town. I want to pass the place I plan to die at…just pass it. If I get caught by the cops that would not be good though because I have no good excuse.
I am so mad at myself that I feel this way! Why should I suffer when most people have it so much worse. I have a family that loves me, a boyfriend that is awesome, and friends that have my back. It’s just that lately my grades have dropped and I worry that I’m not fitting in. I cut like crazy, and I spend most of my time looking at percabeth fanfictions. I think that I might be going insane! My brothers are so much older than me, and they are amazing at everything. I think that it might be too late for me to […]
The fear of never being good enough
For the past 3-4 years of my life, I have urged to become special! I’m not talking about any normal kind of special, I have watched a lot of TV programs and Anime in my life and the characters I see in front of me have these amazing gifts, It fills them with the confidence I wish I had!
I wake up in the morning and the first thing I do is try and conjure up a fireball, pathetic right? I just feel like if I managed to do it then I would feel special, If I could perform real magic then I would be the […]
Surely, you’ve heard the phrase “old soul.” Dammit, that’s me.
I’m not that old. I’m still young, most people would say. But the things I’ve been through and the perspectives I’ve held must surely tell another story. I say this with sincerity, not grandiosity. In fact, I’m sorry to admit it. I wish I saw things differently.
All my life I’ve dealt with depression. To be fair, I didn’t start noticing it until I was maybe 9 years old, but I did notice it, and it only got worse with time. Depression brings […]
My name is Ashley Im 18 and I have severe deppression I dont have any friends I have my fiance and my dogs thats about it I first notticed my deppression when I was about 11 I started smoking weed when I was sad and I notticed it made me feel so much better probably because it would make me eat and go to sleep things didnt get to bad till I was 14 9th grade that was the age I began cutting my self and the age I first tried killing myself I was extremely skinny not because I cared about my weight but […]
so i just got cyberbullied by my friend he posted something on facebook and it was humiliating for me and the fact that he was my friend i didn’t do anything bad towards him and there’s other guy who helped him hes also a friend i did a lot for him now i dunno wht to do i am a good guy i never thought ill of anyone why did this happened to me i am crying for 2 days something i think i should die i am too innocent for this cruel world
Enjoying the story so far? GOOD. Before i continue with this part, i will give important facts to remember because it makes the story even better. Isaiah grew up going to a christian church. I know, I know, he grew up with pious pricks, but yeah he was raised with good morals and values. And he always went to either a christian or catholic school. And he also went to summercamps after each school year and recieved the same treatment he recieved from school at summercamps and his church. Isaiah grows up not being able to trust his legal guardians, authority figures, or students. Isaiah […]
Ian moone translated into “I am no one” who is my sad depressed lonely side that doesn’t believe in attainable love
Shifty my angry shifty no caring side that doesn’t believe in good hurting others is acceptable
C????? my real name the name of the battleground for the two sides the combination of the two sides some days shifty has mostly won some days Ian has but they both fight
So I went to see my counselor today and it seemed like the biggest waste of time. I’ve always suspected this is her first job out of college. I thought I organized my thoughts pretty good with her, but she really had no insight to offer me. I’m not really ready to say she’s not a good fit because last time I saw her I thought things went pretty well. Anyone who’s been following my story knows I’m going through a divorce. I shared with the counselor that I was bewildered by my soon to be ex’s new found niceness and and she really had nothing to […]
We all have that one person don’t we. They keep us going, most of them don’t even realise it but shit they help us. Mine is fantastic. They make me feel important and valuable, possibly maybe after time, they could make me happy (happy is a big word for me so I don’t tend to use it when reflecting on myself). This person never has to try to lift me up because knowing their existence is in my presence gives me life. The way they talk with such intellect, their mind, fuck their mind is so beautiful. Logically, I love this human.
But unfortunately it’s contradicts it’s self.
I’m on […]
Sometimes when I mentally torture myself I actually feel God but right now it’s torture because I’m at the exact theatre where I watched a movie with the love of my life. And it was a he. I’m depressed sad angry. Idk anymore. If I died I’d be happy hopefully a better life afterwards. Sometimes I wanna die so bad sometimes I think an think what I could’ve done better. I have a plan that will put me in a place where I can no longer hurt anyone. There’s no God no Jesus Christ. Only a devil who lives to torture us. I’ve revoked my […]
Things have fucked up again. Looks like I’m going to be lonely for a while. I guess I always was anyway. Can’t be a part of this cold world, feeling lost, running from one cold person to another. It’s time for a change of environment and attitude.
I’m going to create my own universe, surround myself with good people and take shit from nobody.
I woke up in a better mood than usual today, and I can’t tell if that’s good or not. Like the calm before the storm of something like that. I hope it’s not. I want it to just be over.
Anyway, I just wanted to post that it was a good day and I finally started my short story. It turned out to be easier than I thought once I got the ball rolling. It still isn’t really a coherent story just yet, more like a bunch of scenes that I finally typed up. But I’m working on it. Wish me luck.
I try to be a really good person. I enjoy doing things for people, especially strangers, to make them feel good. I hugged a random girl crying on the phone the other day. I’ll compliment random people’s outfits, makeup, or hair when I get the chance and overcome my anxiety. I have a friend I met at college named Jess and she is the nicest, sweetest person I think I know. I wonder what made her that way. The fact she helped me out when I needed it most, barely knowing me at the time. She’s pretty much always there for me. She drove me […]
God is boring . boring God . why human’s imagination & fantasy is better than God boring reality ? why God is boring ?
by niki
written by niki
God is boring . boring God .
why human’s imagination & fantasy is better than God boring reality ?
why God is boring ?
I hate this world . I hate this life . I hate life .
This world is so boring , boring world !
This life is so boring , boring life ! life is boring .
Why movies , games , anime / manga, & fantasy / imagination is better than this world / better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
everyday life is the same : wake up, eat, go to school/work, boring, then go back home, […]
I love him more than I love myself. I love him more than breathing. The only thing keeping me here is my boyfriend, the flame that keeps me warm eventhough all I feel is the paralyzingly coldness around me. I don’t want to leave him but I can’t stay anymore. What do I do? What can I do that if I do leave this world he will move on, that he won’t blame himself, that he’ll still be happy. I’m tore between my pain and my love, the only good thing left in my heart.
And that’s being a fucking failure. I failed this semester. Couldn’t graduate. My parents won’t talk to me… even though I left them messages saying I felt awful and suicidal. I don’t have any friends, they’re really all I have. If they don’t give a fuck about me, who do I have? I bought a ton of dope last night, with intention to overdose and die. I was so fucking close. I woke up on my floor all disorientated, my limbs all numb because of the way I was laying on them for so long when I passed out… I FAILED AGAIN!!! I can’t even […]