I recently watched the documentary, The Bridge; it was about suicides from the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco over about a year. The film has been both praised as illuminating and criticized as exploitative. The only thing I know is that, as effective suicide rates go, jumping from a great height (“from a greeaaaaattttteeee height”, as Radiohead would put it) is highly successful. We have a local bridge in PA that has a higher clearance the the GGB. Now more than ever I want to jump from it.
Tag:
great
It’s been a long ride man. I’m soon derailing the train and go on an infinite cosmic quest in the realm of the unknown. Next week I end it all. I have already printed my suicide note. Already dropped it at my big brother’s corporate office. He then messaged me on facebook with his banal Jesus loves you grace preaching. As thought it will liberate me from my draconian fate.
Life is just funny man. I never thought I’d tread such a dreary path. I don’t wanna live any more. Lost all Hope, Lost all passion for life. Hahahaha I even quit my fucking job yesterday, […]
I don’t know why I do the things is do. I don’t know why I think how I think. I don’t know why I’m so sensitive. I don’t know why I love with all my heart and soul. But in the process I’ve lost my dignity, my strength, and my manliness. I want to meet Jesus, assuming he’s my maker. When I do I’m going to ask him where I went wrong. I’m sure he’ll have no problem telling me how it is. I just hope he doesn’t banish me from eternal life because I pissed the one he gave me down my leg. Being […]
My name is Hannah, I’m 22 and I plan on ending my life. It may not be today, tomorrow, a week from now or this month, but it will happen. I already have it planned out. I know exactly how I’m going to go. I’ve written a will and what and who I want at my funeral, not that it matters since I wont be alive to witness it. I’ve done my research if I will go to heaven or not and I got the answers I need.
I have everything going for me, why would I do such a thing to my loved one? I […]
Trying to make my life more tolerable has resulted in me getting hurt once again. I was the “oops” baby, and i see that my parents try to accept me…But i know they never wanted me from the beginning. I have this indescribable feeling of emptiness that no professional, technique, or exercise can help with. I’ve used sex to coop, sex is great but it doesn’t change the reality of my problem. I’m tired of crying myself to sleep; thoughts of my future, my past, my family & friends, even my own funeral consume my mind. Im a strong person, but this pain inside of […]
Have you notice that now a days people are all doing the same things and if your unique, you become an outsider.
When I was in primary school I notice this was happening and I tried to be the exactly the same as them but that’s impossible so did what I thought was right, just be myself, but that was the wrong decision. I spent the time after I realise what I have done trying to fix up my mistake that I didn’t care for my study.
But I tried to fix something it was another step into the other direction. My grades went from great to bad […]
I was born to a drug adict that loved being passed around bars and biker gangs! No father. First 7 yrs in and out of foster homes, out only when she wanted to feel like a mother. Finally left at an orphanage. 2 years later adopted, it took them all of 5 yrs to realize they didn’t want kids( or just me). Back into foster ” care” for all of high school. Joined they navy, didn’t fit in. A dozen or so girlfriends all cheaters, boy can i pick them. 84 jobs before 30. In that time ( mostly as a teen) tried to kill […]
Hi #killrz it is time to celebrate my oil change, new license, new passport, insurance, and hopefully an etest and stickers. It’s going to be a great fuckin’ day on the road. I’m here in a Tim Horton’s in Barrie just chillin’ with my orange juice about to sign up for some auto insurance bitches. Fuck yeah huh?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j-Bf1tJVouc
Went on a tinder date. Get this text message afterwards:
Hey. I just wanted to say how great of a person you are. You have a strong personality. You take on and take over quickly. With that being said I must be honest with you. I was having a great time but it was too much too quickly. I enjoyed it but I’m afraid this sort of relationship that we’ll likely develop is something I don’t want. I’m sorry I was too chicken shit to tell you in person but you are very nice and I couldn’t bare to hurt your feelings. I hope you […]
This time of year always fucks me up, the goddamn school year is starting again. I don’t know, when I look back, the year don’t seem so bad but its the before and during that makes me wanna kill myself? If that makes any sense? Like the anticipation of knowing my anxiety levels will be off the roof again? Knowing that I will be aware of every move and word that comes from my mouth? Knowing that nothing really matters yet I fuckin care and make myself think that I need to impress and make sure people don’t get a hint that I actually want […]
Even though I just made this new account I wanna start out with some personal things because I can’t tell anyone face to face these issues.
Here I go, I have been questioning my gender for a couple of months now.
Since last July I have had a deep connection in a weird way with the LGBTQ+ community. I watched the Fourth of July parade and for some weird reason I cried. At that moment I realized I was bi.
Skip to January of this year and I start to see people at my school who are genderneautral or trans. I didn’t get it but then I realized […]
Wondering if anyone else here diagnosed with Dysthymia would be interested in an ongoing email conversation. Not about anything specific really, but i have a new theory that having a buddy in your phone (or on your computer) that knows exactly how you feel at times could be beneficial. I’d like to test this theory. I’m thinking if it works for addicts then why not depressives? If it’s more than one person, great. I figure we can just all cc each other. I don’t think it would work if it’s more than a few though.
If you’re a middle aged middle class working person like myself […]
I try to do all the things they say, the things that will make me “better” or make me “normal”. Those magical promised results do not come and I feel robotic and alienated. I feel stuck in a spiral of self blame. I do not have the possibility of a better future to cling to, I am not young and filled with endless potential. It seems impossible to find a community or group to fit into, I’m just too different in ways that make people consider me non human. Someone who does not have basic human desires is uncomfortable to be around. Amongst other things. I have never […]
Nothing sucks, nothing’s great.. i just want to stop :/
I am that I am. I am the epitome of potential. I am possibility incarnate. A wildest dream made manifest. I am living breathing destiny. I am a shooting star that has crash landed in this body. I am Smaug’s hidden treasure. The arcenstone has nothing on me. A legend in the making. A diamond with no need to bluff. Nebula’s for eyes that encapsulate a universe of unlimited infinitum. A gift of sardius stone blessed with third eye sight to peer into the great beyond. Angel wings to lift me above my woes and worries. I am the result of an infallible thought. Created […]
I’ve just discovered this one called Salt.
It seems he has a whole fan base.
So I went and read some of his posts.
I get it now
He’s definitely amazing
He’s really made me think.
So I indirectly thank you, Salt.
I hope, on some level, you understand how great you truly are.
I started smoking cigarettes a few months back and found myself becoming addicted to nicotine (as you’d expect). I find that giving in to the addiction helps, when you’re craving something and you get it you tend to feel better, even if just for a short time. The idea is based around something I saw in trainspotting, the main character says that when you’re on heroin all you worry about is scoring and when you’re off it you start to worry about a whole lot of other things. I know there is a great difference between a heroin addiction and a nicotine one but they […]
Do you believe in love?
This is a good question.
I believe in wanting someone so badly that it makes it hard for you to live without even thinking about him or her. I believe in feeling good just by having her or him next to you. I believe in being in love more then i believed in myself and that’s probably what keeps me going.
But then again what is love, do we even know love or is it just the idea of love. Could we even recognize love if it wasn’t from what we’ve heard read saw, if it wasn’t for other’s ways […]
Today is my birthday. Instead of feelings of joy, happiness, excitement for what this day is besides my birthday, I feel empty. I no longer know how to run my life. If I ever knew. I feel trapped in it. Trapped in who I am, what I am, where I am in this existence. I do not know how life works. I see everyone around me with all the things I wish I could have. It seems tangible, but so very far from my grasp. Supportive family, friends, significant others and love in their life.
No matter how hard I strive for things most people have. […]