I feel myself slipping away. I feel my cares, my concerns, my passions and my obligations no longer have any meaning. I want the end. I want the peace and serenity that comes with it. I feel no remorse for those that will. I feel only the burden of my choices crashing down on me. I feel the stare from the eyes of the woman I love. I feel their sadness, I feel their anger, I feel their doubt and, finally, I feel their relief. I wish I could have been more. I wish I could have lived up to expectations. I wish the one […]
Tag:
Guilt
I can’t cope, I feel so hopeless and pained. My friend has just publically humilated me with her boyfriends help and got others to join in, she knows how vunreable i am right now and for her to do this hurts so much to me. I want to die, I want to die so badly, I sat in my living room by my family wishing so much that I could walk upstairs and slit my wrists so deep and just bleed to death. I slowly walked upstairs, picked up my razor crying and cut.
But ofcourse I only did it how i usuall did it, staight horizontal lines […]
I like contributing to this site. I don’t think I help anyone. I feel like I only share. I relate. I feel normal here.
That being said, I am tired of being so sad. I don’t think I can be any other way. Not for the long haul. The thought of being like “this” another 30 some odd years makes me feel nauseous. The thought of doing that alone or around people I despise… I just shudder to think about being stuck in that way.
Over the years I have heard so many mantras, tips, and tricks that make my head spin. They don’t work for me. […]
I am sorry son for all the pain I caused you when I divorced your father. The guilt I feel is shameful and never ending. I want to die.
I read about how suicidal urges and depression don’t have to coincide, and how just getting it all out to someone verbally is cathartic enough to sort of treat suicidal people. I’d like an outlet like that to exist online where it doesn’t feel like screaming into miles of empty cyberspace. Is this is what we’ve been looking for?
I’m a student dealing with similar stuff to everyone else in university. I lead a very privileged life and have a very loving, protective mother (who happens to be the chief force perpetuating my existence, mostly out of internalized guilt.) I’ve struggled with eating disorders and disordered […]
I’m tired. Really really tired. I just realized something today. I’ve been struggling my whole life for what? Nothing I do can change the outcome of my life. All I can do is choose whether I want to make things more difficult for myself or not.
I haven’t seen my therapist in almost a month. I know I should contact her and I feel bad for not showing up. But, talking with her is painful. It reminds me of what things should be like and how I want things to be. But, that’s never going to happen for me.
I could go to school. I could suck […]
Yesterday I attended the funeral of a young woman from work who committed suicide. She was 24, exceptionally talented, well-travelled, enthusiastic, professional and extremely insightful with a social conscience and maturity years beyond her age. Was this woman’s experience similar to mine? I am in my late twenties. When I was 21 I attempted suicide. To others, I had everything to live for. I was healthy and athletic, I’d been accepted into a highly competitive course at a prestigious university, and my family was loving and supportive. Those around me did not understand the course of my depression and anxiety, and despite my efforts to […]
I go on this site, but none of my stories compare with the majority of posts here. I made a poorly planned attempt, I wish I had gone through with it, et cetera, but it makes me wonder, because there’s also that feeling of guilt when I am on here: What if someone kills themselves and I didn’t reply in time? What if I didn’t even try? I guess that’s the extremely selfish reason why I try to convince people not to kill themselves: I would feel too bad. Does that make me a bad person, and shouldI just hold that feeling in?
For the record, though, I lurk […]
Don’t ask why I’m posting this, I’m bot persuading you not to do it. I’m showing you the only reason I’m alive.
Ok…here we go…:
You come home from school one day. You’ve had yet another horrible day. You’re just ready To give up. So you go to your room, close the door, and take out that suicide note you’ve written and re-written over ad over again…you take out those razor blades,and cut for the last time. You grab that bottle of pills and take them all. Laying down, holding the letter to your chest, you close your eyes for the very last time.
[…]
hello i posted here before once and got some good advice…but im feeling like ending my life more then ever. Everything ive worked on to become more optimistic and happy just seemed like a waste of time its gotten to the point where  ”smiling”  has become a chore. Ive tried to work on my family relationships to be happier and to be more social for them but they constantly remind me how pathetic i am i mean my gran would open the door to people and openly say ”this is my pathetic excuse of a grandson i couldnt be more ashamed to be his grandmother” and  my mother constantly reminding me how […]
Dear Reader,
I will hang myself in a few minutes. I know it’s selfish and harmful to my family, friends and people I know. I know I can continue my life somehow but I feel depressed and anxious all the time. I don’t feel like I can function successfully in society for more than a few weeks or month. As shown by my failing in my 3rd first semester of university, despite getting good grades initially. Maybe staying home and relying on someone else for the rest of my life is an option for me, yet I can’t do that. It’s embarrassing and pathetic.
There are things […]
my bf was going to commit suicide. we’ve always talked about it, but this time he sounded serious. he made me promise not to tell. he said he was going to write him suicide note and leave as soon as he was alone, most likely the next day. he said goodbye, and thank you for being an amazing gf, and sorry about a hundred times. But i was scared so i told my friend who knows all this and happens to be his ex. ive convinced her before not to tell anyone, but this time she said fuck it im telling, and told her mom. […]
Ive been thinking of suicide lately and this is not the first time i have attempted before and failed, i really thourght i had got myself over the worst of it after that until recently. Me and my gf split after a long period of being in a kind of together but technically not situation after i messed up an hurt her (wasn’t the worst thing i could of done but it was bad) all the guilt of hurting the person i love the most has kickstarted my depression and i did try to deal with it but im getting nowhere, i dont feel like […]
I am sick inside. Alone, overwhelmed, confused, and filled with hatred for myself and regret for my life. I should never have been born. I told my dad that once, and he said it was an insult to him and to my mother. The funny thing was, he said it as if he thought it wasn’t meant to be. Well, it was. They were too young for kids when they had me. They were irresponsible, and their own parents were irresponsible. And you can probably trace it all the way back to the Stone Age. Too many people who had no business raising kids. And […]
I couldn’t do it. I got home from sneaking out, couldn’t get back in, had to call my parents then got yelled at. Heaps of guilt! YAY! They’re at wits end with me, said they wished I’d just get it over with. Well you know what? I wish that too. I don’t know why it hurts so goddamn much, and I have no reason for this pain. My life is perfect, and with these pills I can’t feel anything. I fucking hate it. I can’t cry, I’m empty, broken, alone within myself. I hate me, the girl who looks like an attention whore but only […]
Walking through the halls
Glancing only at profiles
Never look em in the eyes
So why do I even own a mobile?
If anyone ever got to know me
They’d know im not such a bad guy
Im just like everyone else homie
Except, oh yeah, I wanna die
Is that was this is all about?
You people feeling weird?
You getting a tingling in your tummy
And an ichin in your beard?
Well don’t worry that’s normal.
Just not for someone who was built.
Like you.
My friend, that not-so-friendly feeling is guilt.
It’s true.
Now I can name names
And I can point fingers all day
But that […]
I feel very lost and I don’t know what to do (I’m a guy). I’m currently attending my local college and am in a two year program with 4 semesters in total. I’m currently in semester number 5 and I’m failing miserably. I CAN NOT tell my parents. My father might understand if I really talk to him, man-to-man, but there is very little chance of that and my mother simply won’t accept failure from me again. I previously attended university for biological sciences and I failed out of that. I finally built up the courage to tell my parents that sciences weren’t my thing […]
I am a very cowardly person. Â I am a waste of space, oxygen, food and my parents’ money. I have not and never will contribute anything good to society nor nature, and therefore I believe it preferable for both me and the world that I leave. I would also like to be an organ donor. I just hope my organs would be good enough for anyone due to my unhealthy lifestyle. Most of the time I agree with myself that suicide is the best thing to do. But I can’t, for the following reasons:
Lack of courage. I am always afraid and worried of everything, and […]
I’m sick of them saying to me “All that matters is that you’re ok” or “well thank god you’re alive” . No. Just stop leave me alone with your lies, I should have died that day. “At least your alive” for what ?! To live with the pain, insults, complaints, threats, beatings, verbal abuse, yelling , hitting I just can’t take it anymore . But hey at least I’m alive( to suffer). I don’t even know why I’m here, I’m tired of everything and everyone . Living a life I don’t want or feel satisfied in , I hate living in society and doing things […]
I’ve had depression for almost a year now and my life is just falling apart. Over the summer I’ve tried to kill myself 5 times, but can’t even do that right. I have nobody to talk to about how I’m feeling because nobody understands. They’ll just label me and think I’m a freak… People think I have a perfect life because I’m popular at school and always seem happy, but they don’t know that every night I consider killing myself. I’ve been on another depression forum and people keep saying things will get better and to just hold on, BUT IT HASN’T GOTTEN ANY BETTER!!! […]