I just keep thinking about suicide. I don’t explicitly have a plan yet, but I have a general idea of what to do. I know we aren’t allowed to talk about this on the board, but even if we were, I’m not sure if I want my mind changed and I don’t want to be stopped. I told myself I’d give myself until I turned 30, but that seems overly generous now. I don’t know when, but I can’t see myself carrying on for that long. I’m not a human being. If I were, I’d feel loved and worthwhile. There would be a point to […]
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THIS WAS ORIGINALLY WRITTEN IN APRIL 2012. I was still a lurker here back then. I didn’t have the confidence to share this.  It paints a pretty accurate picture of where I was at back then. I thought someone may be interested.
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My therapist is correct. The two underlying threads of my life have been seeking approval, and escapism. When I don’t get approval, I need to escape. I can’t give myself approval as I feel it is not warranted, therefore my only option is to escape. If not getting the approval in my relationships that I feel I need, I usually escape by withdrawal. However, I have […]
Sometimes I feel like the world’s on my shoulders, everyones leanin on me
written by bleedtokwuralive
Feeling the choking effect of too much stress today!! Not good for my anxiety issues at all!!! Broox dad is suddenly wanting visitation rights with him after 2 years!! He’s hasn’t held him since the day he was born and suddenly he deserves every other weeked? My answer to that is fuck you!! Why should he be allowed to walk back into his life whenever he wants?? It wasn’t fair to Broox when he walked out on im and it’s fair to Broox to let him walk in and out like that all the time!! I’m terrified that his family will try and take take […]
I was scared because I haven’t really felt anything at all in ages. No sadness, no happiness, no pain, no tears, no fear, no excitement, no laughter, no love, no hate. Just apathy and indifference. And not feeling anything scares the shit out of me, because I think that feeling all these emotions, good and bad, make everything real. And nothing felt real. And for a while it was good, because often feeling nothing is better than the level of pain I feel at times. But then feeling numb gets cold and sad and even more depressing than the sadness itself.
But this morning I […]
This post probably will have little to none importance and I shouldn’t go through with what I will but I am coward and a loser. There’s hasn’t been much failures in my life until now and when I usually set my mind to do something I do it. You know, like a challenge you assign yourself and you are determined to accomplish i by whatever means.
24 of age currently. I’ve lived a normal life I like to think but in reality it’s not. Honestly comparing to some other posts I’ve read in the past few days mine doesn’t come as close for a reason to […]
hi.
I’m new to this.
I found this site by googling if I could kill myself by suffocating myself with a pillow.
I’ve given up.. I can’t do this anymore. I have no where to turn. My mother hasn’t talked to me in day. I got a tattoo the other day that was supposed to help me.; its done the opposite. my friends haven’t really been here. my boyfriend tries but it always seems like he wants to be somewhere else
when im upset, it hurts him. if i was dead, it wouldn’t. no one would have to worry about me anymore. i can’t do […]
People have told me. Just wait a few years and it’ll get better. I’m waiting…
written by RogueShadow1281
Will I suddenly feel better as soon as I’m out of high school. Is that the big change. I’m sorry, but one year is long enough.Â
I waited a while, it hasn’t changed much, or I’m too focused on one thing to see it. I, instead, have been going through shitty times (yet I may have over-exaggerated a bit) and that hasn’t really motivated me to keep going.
Please I don’t wan to wait any longer. A part of me wants to end it, it’s probably when I’m most depressed. There’s another part that wants to wait it out.Â
The problem with having 2 or more perspectives/personalities […]
9:20A.M:
I have summer school. Haven’t been able to get into a habit of sleeping earlier so I’ve been tired. Drank a monster today, but still tired but also wide-awake. I’m the fastest in my class of World History. I finish my work earliest due to my full year of review in my sophomore year that I failed. I sit alone at our 20 minute breaks.Â
They (campus supervisors) try to corner us onto the quad and I get anxious. There’s a lot of fucking kids from 4 highschools being crammed together.Â
I’m attempting to keep my mind blank from those thoughts about it. My memories are […]
Hey. I did it. I survived till Florida. Thanks for all your help guys. Of course I’ll still stick around the site sometimes. My mom hasn’t noticed my scars yet but I think I’ve figurd out how I’m gonna handle it. Strangely, I’ve only been here a day and a half but all anxiety and panic attacks, stress, pain, it’s all completely dissapeared. God I’m so happy to be home. At the same time I kinda miss being miserable :/ But again, Thank you for helping me to get here alive.
So, I’ve been thinking about running away..I know it’s wrong to run away from your problems. Tho I don’t really care anymore, ya I’ll probably miss my family a bit.. And I know it’s wrong to leave them so I’ll probably never actually do it.. Tho I wish .. Im a coward..
Ugh life is hard… I want a flat stomach and skinny thighs which hasn’t happened yet..
:/ I want to die but I don’t. I just want to be happy and have no care in the world. Tho that seems impossible…
-RawrImaTurtle….
I just don’t know where to turn anymore. I’ve had tons of problems my whole life, like anxiety, depression, alcoholism. My mother recently had a massive stroke in November of last year, and hasn’t recovered. And a little over a month after that, I lost my only brother to pills. I really don’t know what to do. I have never fit in this world, and the one person that always gave me motivation to keep going is now gone. My drinking has gotten completely out of hand, and the idea of getting sober and staying that way, well, scares the hell out of me. My […]
so today was good. i walked in, did my job and everything was right with the world. even though my boss hasn’t said anything, he atleast, even though he again was in a bad mood, made it a point to have fun with me. we got along fine. respect is still something that is going to have to be earnt as i still am quite pissed at his actions, but i have in a way forgiven him. i still have dark niggling feelings that threaten to push me towards the edge, but when i am focused on other things i can push them aside for […]
So I guess I never really considered trying to write out my story anywhere, but maybe getting it all down will help me put it into perspective, help me decide whether or not I can take this, haha.Â
I’m turning 17 this December and my most frequent thought is generally that “I’m so young why is everything already so bad.”
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I should be out, enjoying life, enjoying myself, going places with my life, planning for post secondary.Â
But nothing is happening, I’m not doing anything. Lack of motivation is a horrible thing isn’t it?
I grew up in Canada, having moved to BC when I was just […]
I’m in a place I have been sine I was 11, I am broken inside friends and family say get help I have but it didn’t really help its basically for people who can talk problems out and somehow be cured. I hurt I’m heartbroken I have been on a downward spiral for so long I no longer know what complete happiness is. I no longer have friends to turn to since a year ago I had overdosed. I feel so alone they say turn nto God but I do have God but that hasn’t helped me either I can’t find peace I feel myself […]
My mom is constantly telling me that i need to see a therapist and i keep on telling her u really should. I thought she had finally realized how i was feeling but then i find out that she wants me to see a therapist because she wants that girly girl that left her a long time ago,she hasn’t noticed a thing… She only wants the perfect daughter that she used to have. I may not be depressed and self-harm anymore but i still want to see one,i know im not completly out if the woods yet. My friends told me not to tell the […]
I don’t like the person I am anymore. I’m okay on some levels, but in close relationships I become a cold *****. I don’t know how to fix it, therapy hasn’t helped much with the issue. I’m stressed in general, but I guess I just get unhappy.
My boyfriend and I just broke up for the millionth time, what a huge surprise. I’d like to say that this was more his fault than mine but it’s probably pretty even. I’m a really difficult person to be in a relationship with. I’m not sure what to do about it. Truth be told, I feel weary all of […]
 I wish I could turn a clock and go back to the day before I was born. I wish I could make my mom and dad to change their minds and not have another child.
Now I am hanging here, trying to keep up whit life. I always end up crashing down. It´s funny that I know that I can never commit suicide but I´m thinking about death awfully lot.
I just wish that I could be someone else- someone who could just smile and be happy, someone who didn’t care that there is no sense on this world, someone who would just enjoy the fact of […]
I won’t get into semantics,just wasted more time on the hotline…the volunteer acted appalled that I suggested long term depression was the mental equivalent to end stage cancer…anyone else agree? No thetes no biological basis for suffering but its just as poisonous and just as fatal….
Each day I get closer,and a little more courage. thankfully i found two new pro suicide forums to vent a little more explicitly lol,not that this hasn’t been fun,too.
When I think about life and the meaning of it, I realise that there actually isn’t any meaning to it at all. Basically, the less than 100 years given to us on the planet are nothing compared to the infinity of death waiting for us.
Life is fleeting and death is eternal. What’s even the point?
For every second of our lives, there’s an infinity of death out there, biding its time.
I understand the whole ‘you make your own meaning’ thing about life, and that it’s ‘what you make it’, but that doesn’t give it any more relevance in my opinion.
Right now I’m actually happy, which makes […]
I have no clue what I’m doing or how i found this webpage… I just attempted suicide today and I didn’t even realize it… I’m just gunna vent and rant about my life story now…Keep scrolling if you don’t care…which you probably don’t…
Ok…so I’ve been cutting myself for two years. On December 8th, 2011 I cut myself at school and got caught (I know I’m stupid for doing that but I really had to…) And in 2 hours…I was ripped away from everything I knew and put in a mental institute 2 hours away from where I live. I attempted suicide while I was there. […]