My best friend stayed with me for 20 days, We were high the entire time laughing and listening to the radio, and watching cartoons, when he left it smashed my heart in half I was just coming down and the whole thing felt like I time warped through it all. My plan was to kill myself after my friend left, I made the most of the time but now the moment is on me, it warped so fast I cant believe it. Even seeing the names of any shows I watched with him makes my heart clench up, He doesnt expect it, I didnt realize […]
Tag:
Hell
I know for a fact that I get too emotionally involved when i watch movies/read books about depression/suicide/self harm. So why the hell do i still do it? When i do this i start to think of how shitty my life is. This makes me start to feel physically sick. They either make me feel like i have no reason whatsoever to be depressed and suicidal or they give me that false Hollywood hope. The characters always have some huge overwhelming problem that makes them depressed or whatever. Me? Well I’m just haunted by my past (been bullied badly), do poorly in school, rarely see […]
So this is my first story here…
I’m 20 years old and have been thinking about suicide since I was about 7
(yes, for real)
Thing is, back then, I was also happy… The biggest problems I had were
“my brother ate my chocolate” and so on… And well, now, with getting older, encountering other *more severe* problems in life, they still don’t get to me in a way that I would want to kill myself because of them. As said in the title, I’m a quite happy person.
But in all these years, all this time, there is a constant need to end it all…
My urge to […]
I haven’t been on here for a really long time.
I thought thing’s were bound to get better. I am getting so sick and tired of people telling me what they think they should do, when in reality, they don’t even know what the hell is going on. I was late to school today, because my uncle was giving a speech about respecting my parents. I know that this is necessary. I’m not stupid and I’m not a bad child. I just don’t complain to the world like my parents do (well, except for this). No one know’s what goes on inside my head or behind […]
People surround me all day. They feel the need to be around me, even when I ask them to leave. But no matter how many people are there, I feel alone. Nobody understands what I go through. Hell, I’m the only girl to play on the guys football team, and I’m a lesbian. None of this is tolerated well..
I can’t believe it.
I’ve survived this long.
I’ve waited all day.
Practicallly gave up on him showing up today. But not even five minutes in of slipping into my bed to sleep, I get a text.
“Hey you,” it says, “Get on.” It’s from a restricted number. I don’t know who it is but I decide to get on anyways. I type in the password to my laptop. The fan is on low and the lights are off. It’s a common bedtime setting for me. Something to listen to so I don’t get paranoid of every little bump in the night. And the blanket to help me dream […]
So, I’m not entirely sure what I hope to gain from this, maybe closure? I don’t know. Not even sure how this would give me closure, or what I need it for…
If I had to describe a depressed person, I doubt I would use me. Someone with a job, caring family, good friends, hobbies. Hell even my dog is great. Yet there is just all the small things. My job is lacking, and kinda crappy. My family… for lack of a better phrase, doesn’t understand me. My friends are funny, good to be around, but I wouldn’t say that any bonds are really there. It […]
I was at that muslim cemetery you were buried in, which is a little heart wrenching because you are without a doubt athiest. I found some kind of ritual you can do to bring a loved one back for a little while, it was hell to do, but it was possible and I did it. You came back but it wasn’t the same. You were happier, and more at peace, rather you were still your condescending self. Just not as much. We talked for a while, and I felt so much better. Your family members and some friends came to the gravesite. Some could see […]
“Have you ever cheated on anyone?”
“.. Yes. I won’t hide it.”
“Would you do it again?”
“Hell no, Domino!”
“Should you ever do it again?”
“Never again.”
“Could you tell me about it if it happens? I promise I won’t get mad. I just would like to know.”
“.. Yes, my dear.”
And with that, he signs off for the night and once again I’m left alone. Tomorrow will be the last day. Last day of suffering through my own demise from a ‘withdrawal’ of my precious need. I’ve been going on and on about how much I love him, how much I need him, how much I wish to have him […]
I did it. I told him I did it. I didn’t just ‘leave him a message’ on Skype. I got up, called his ass at 2 am and spoke quietly.
“Hello?”
“……………………..”
“Hello? Domino, babe?”
“……………….. I told you I’d do it..”
“Do what?.. Domino are you okay?”
“I told you I’d do it. I’d–“
“Domino, did you have to call now?.. It’s 2 am…”
“…. I’d thought I’d be safe from it all..”
“… Safe from what?”
“The thoughts.. the paranoia, the facts, everything.”
“.. Domino is someone with you in the house?..”
“……………… Just me, mi amor.”
“Domino?”
“Hm?..”
“How old am I?”
“[protection purposes, I’m not putting what I said, but I was right.]”
“Okay, so you are up, […]
Was anyone else HOPING the world would end in Dec? I guess disappointment abounds. I’ve been struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts for over twenty years now without ever seeking professional help. I try to shun the outside world as much as possible because I thought that it would be easier than the loss and pain that come from relationships with people, but I’m not sure that lonliness is something that’s any easier to live with. I think about killing myself every day, but it’s been 13 years since my second failed attempt. Part of me still wants to believe that there’s a reason I’m […]
What the hell am I goiing to do next time I have eye surgery? What am I going to do when I’m badgered by my grandparents just because they care very little about anyone but themselves? I hate them to the point of murder. I nearly got locked away the other week because of that shit. Maybe I should go hang in their place just to fucking scare them, but unfortunately I won’t be coming back to witness their destruction from grieving over me.
But then I remember the fact that I have people who actually care about me. I guess I can get them to […]
By Metric.
But that’s not the point.
The point is, I’m here to tell people that getting into a fight with your mom is NOT fun. When you and her boyfriend are in a ‘play-fight’ blend all day, and when he starts hitting you with a box. She yells at you to stop? Does that make any sense? He hits you, she yells at you to stop? Someone tell me if that’s wrong, or if it’s just me.
Yeah, so fighting with my mom made the start of my hiatus g haywire, so I’m just going to not go on any other site but this one. Because I […]
Let me say first that though my life has been very hard for a woman that has only lived in this world for 24 years, I have been blessed with two beautiful children. Even though I have these angels with me everyday I still find myself locked in my closet uncontrollable crying with something in my head telling me my family would be better off without me. What role do I play in this world that I deserve to live. Let me start from the beginning of my life…. I was born into a abusive family where I witnessed my father beat my mother and […]
I wanted to die
they saved my life
man, fuck this shit
it just ain’t right.
Went to the tower to see if i’d fly.
but then they decided that I should’nt try.
They ripped off my wings and tore off my feathers.
It’s for the worse not for the better.
I had it all planned wrote out the note
I was more than ready to go.
I said goodbye to the hell I called home, and walked to the bus stop that would deliver me hope, skipped down the stairs and then up to the elevator, 10 storys up with a sign that said danger.
Danger, don’t stand […]
After 4 months of not cutting…I’m going to cut tonight.
You dont have to read this and, believe me, i’m not writing this for you.
I’m writing this for me.
For forever I have been trying to show people that I understand and that they’re not alone and that i’ll be here for anyone and I was never needed.
For too long have I held off on cutting for your fucking happiness and so YOU wont have to be disgusted with my fresh wounds.
For years have I held out on stealing YOUR boyfriend because I know that we’re soulmates and HE kissed ME and I […]
I have decided that its my time to take a break. I’m taking a break from just everything. If you thought I was reckless before then now is the time to let go. I’m done with it all. IÂ will try suicide again. I will do whatever the hell I want because I’m dying anyway…so what the hell does it matter anymore? All the friends that I have (which is few to none) don’t even know. My life is so useless…I deserve all that came towards me in the past couple years. I deserve the pain. But now I can’t fight it anymore so I’m giving […]
Why is hope considered a good thing? Hope is the root of all suffering. If we were truly without hope, then we would accept all the pain and become numb to it. But no instead there’s this cruel thing called hope that makes us think we can beat it, so it stabs us and makes us expect salvation that we never get. It makes the pain so much worse because we keep comparing the pain to some imaginary life that’s better. But it never comes. Hope is just a drug that makes us hallucinate great things, but once the high wears off–and it always does–the […]
Darkness… thats all I see. It swirls around me growing and growing. It twist on itself like a dark flaming torrent. It gets bigger and bigger. All I can see is this abomination of a thing all around me. I am horrified. “what the hell is this!” I scream. Thats when I hear the laugh, and as soon as I hear it I realize something. The darkness is… my soul. Its whats left of what I used to be. It has rotted inside of me. It has grown like my rage, frustration, and deppression. Then I start to laugh with it. I laugh and laugh. My laugh […]
All of these fools around me,
who think the world is just dandy,
don’t know the hell,
people like us go through.
We are the ones,
who are constantly judged,
by the ones who think themselves perfect,
but are really just the same as us.
The only difference between us and them,
is that we are brave enough to show it,
while they sit their and throw a fit.
Quote: Who is the bigger fool? The child afraid of the dark, or the man afraid of the light?
By: Greed