‘m in cage, locked inside hell,
 I was so sure, I was completed,
I went so far, but then I fell.
     As I lost it, I was defeated.
 But I try to get back up every day,
 And that’s something I won’t give away.
I’m getting back up on my feet,
 I could understand to you it’s madness,
 For me to stand, and to accept my defeat.
But this helps me, It breaks down my sadness.
 Life hurts, but you’ll be alright,
 Keep going, Keep yourself going,
Just get back […]
Well, i thought it was time to introduce myself. I’m a girl, sixteen years and I’m from The Netherlands (Please don’t mind my spelling and grammar) . My nickname (Engeltje) is Dutch and it means (Little) Angel. I live in the area of Amsterdam (I guess most of you know Amsterdam :P) . I live with my parents and an older sister. So that’s the general part and now a part that goes about my life. Okay, I’ll try to keep it short, so I will only tell the most important things.
I don’t know how it goes in the USA, but in The Netherlands […]
Yeah I hate my life, but at least I don’t pretend anyone cares. I don’t delude myself with fantasies that my deep, tortured writings are too sophisticated for my peers, or reflect some unappreciated brilliance. I’m a useless tool just like all of you, it’s why we’re on this blog. I’m not special, and I wasn’t meant to live for more than the nothing I’ve created for myself. Stop writing bad poetry. Just do what I’m doing and sit by yourselves and cry about the hell you’ve turned your lives into, but good God do it humbly.
And stop pretending you’re worth more than you feel you are; […]
The dreams call to me
Listen, listen they whisper
We’ll show you who you really are
So I delve in hopeful, full of wonder and disregard for the waking hell I live in
Hoping for some kind of respite
Some relief from the pain I feel
But what I find is more than just real
I see myself in all my flaws
Grasping and the wind where my life just had been
All my loves all my joys all the reasons I live to wake for
Shown to me to hold once more
Before I wake and find I’m torn
Between these blissful nightmares and this despairing reality
Where love had been now replaced by hate
In dreams I […]
Not sure if thats necessarily a good thing.. I used to live on this forum a few months ago.. I don’t know what changed even. One day I just got confident. I thought I could finally live without these thoughts everyday. I don’t need this forum, I said to myself.
Well here I am again. Lower than I was months ago. I can’t handle this anymore. I have access to a gun now. That’s probably the one good thing about right now. Otherwise I’m completely broken. I just need him. why does god do this? ugh not even god why does MY HEART want him […]
when subjected to huge amounts of pain, nerves go numb, bodies go into shock and consciousness shuts down. Mental pain, on the other hand, never lets up. It piles on thicker, higher, heavier each day and there is no relief. Screw fire & brimstone. If I were to design hell for the worst criminals and worthless souls to be or tired with unspeakable agony, it would be exactly my life. Which begs the question: what did I ever do to deserve this?
I’ve been on this site many times before…Reading this blog is like reading the Bible to me. It’s refreshing to be able to read all the honest feelings in these posts. I am not happy to read about how so many of us are suffering, but at the same time, it’s nice to know that I am not alone in how I feel at times…Well most of the time. I wish that I could accurately describe how fucked up my life is…It really is exceptionally miserable. I’ve spent the majority of my life with depression and anxiety…But I always had hope for the the future..Hope for […]
I am not pretty,
I am not smart,
I am not beautiful,
and I self harm.
I have a cold heart
don’t have nothing to give,
You should move on,be
with someone who isn’t shit.
I am so blank,
I am emotionally drained,
I am a cutter,
My clothes are blood stained.
Not worth the wait,
Not worth your tears,
I think you know that
but had to make it clear.
You can’t waste time,
over someone like me,
I may seem strong,
but inside I’m weak.
I don’t know the time
I really have,
I’m scared I’ll hurt You,
I’m scared like hell!
You can’t live your life
in constant […]
I’ve been silently suffering for a while now. I have had thoughts about killing myself several times, but they mostly hit late at night, which is when i feel most alone. I’ve pushed everyone in my life out and i’ve secluded myself from a lot, but not on purpose, it just kind of happened. I’ve lost a lot of people, and i feel like if i just did it and wasn’t such a coward i’d be in a much better place. I’m afraid of doing it because i don’t know what happens next, but i’m sure whatever happens next after that, is a lot better […]
Somewhere life has nothing left for me,
Some how everything’s taken over,
There’s nothing left for me to be,
Nothing to keep me under…
Old and slow decayed is,
All this man has obeyed,
So tired and displaced,
Ill still run on and on misplaced…
All my dreams, never come true…
Is it so hard to ask for a father’s love,
When a cold stone is all I feel?
Hard rock against my chest,
Cold stones, all depressed,
All I ever see,
Are a load of broken dreams
Maybe Jesus Christ will come over,
Right when Hell freezes over me,
Maybe you can cry your way,
When your […]
When I’m gone let my love carry on
Give it wings and let it fly
Help it change lives
I’ve given my all and have nothing left to give.
I’ve no regrets my only fault was not fighting hard enough
And holding on too loosely
Now I’m lost these demons have taken hold
They’re dragging me down into this hell of my own soul
Fuck I can’t get away
When I’m gone let my love carry on
Give it wings and let it fly
Help it change lives
I’ve given my all and have nothing left to give.
I’m alive ! It’s the biggest lie I’ve ever told myself! I died but I say I’m alive!
I’ve taken my […]
ok so my best friend is 13 and beautiful shes smaler bulit, blonde hair blue eyes and an amazing smile. she was happy most of the time and always was talking about twiight she was all about the cullens and she went to a normal middle school and had friends who cared and loved her, but she didnt see that, she saw her self so much differnt, i know this site is for kids who are thinking wrong and in a bad place, but if u keep that life up you wll be in the same stop that kaitie is in.. gone, dont get me […]
How does it feel? Your brother sees the cuts on your wrist. The scars on your thighs. He tells your sisters and parents. Now everyone knows. Months later… Your brother tells you to stop being so mad ” This is getting old. Nobody gives a shit. Deal with it. Emo” Then your sisters… ” Stop being so mean to people. They did nothing to you.” NOTHING? HUH. Thats why i have bruises from Dad. Thats why mom use to yell at me for trying to make new friends. HOW DOES IT FEEL? They are the reason i’m this way… Then there is people at school. […]
Ugh, God. The past few months have been hell, even with all of the nice comments people’ve put on my posts. I’m stressed out beyond belief, I haven’t slept in 3 days, literally. I haven’t eaten in… fuck, I can’t remember the last time I ate. My dad’s threatened to punch me in the face multiple times, he’s yelled and screamed at me, telling me I’m not good enough. My grades, as hard as I’ve tried, have plummeted. From A’s and B’s last year, to C’s, D’s, and a few F’s. My girlfriend is possibly going to prison, and I could go too. My best […]
I woke up very anxious and stressed this morning. It’s midnight here now. And I’m thinking of suicide again. And murder. My parents’ arguing woke me up. It always bothers me when they fight. Why? Because I have a crazy mother. Yes, crazy. Clinically diagnosed with bipolar disorder or manic-depressive illness. I have seen her at a low level to the highest peak of her craziness. And when she gets nuts, really nuts, I shake like hell. I hate how much I am unable to control it. I always tell myself to toughen up but my body and mind defies me. I put […]
Depression…It can come to anyone but that doesn’t mean it comes to everyone. It doesn’t just HAPPEN like that either. If you’re depressed, there’s a reason to it and it’s not something silly or stupid, it’s actually quite serious.
Right?
So that means all the people telling me that I’m looking for attention are wrong, and that something has happened within my lifespan to cause depression in my life. I’m not being an a**hole, attention-seeking or anything. I’m actually depressed.
But then there’s no cure to this. No-one to talk to around me, those whom I CAN talk to are far away, nad many people […]
Eating Disorders=hell
I want to cry all the time
I cant eat normally…ever
I lied/lie to everyone, saying I can’t have gluten so I didn’t have to eat…it works
I’m embarrassed and ashamed of what I’ve become
my family says I’m selfish and they hate me…
I hate me too
I’m hoping my E.D will kill me soon
so maybe I’ll be free
Well I’m 21 years old and seriously considering taking my life. I have no friends, have never had a relationship or even a chance to prove my worth to a girl. I stand alone day and night living this hell I call my life. I’m so depressed, frustrated and the feeling of hopelessness that washes over me is the worst. I feel as if this is it for me, this is going to be my life until they put me in the ground. The older I grow the more the loneliness and fear of being alone grows and it’s becoming a harsh realization that I […]
i’m 28. currently unemployed and living with my mother. i just (on xmas eve) had my second consecutive miscarriage in less than two yrs (both different fathers, so it’s not a chromosome incapatibility) i’m beyond broken from this. ALL i think about is dying day and night. or getting so F’d up on pills so i don’tt ‘feel’ anymore but i can’t get any. my mother was supportive and comforting at first, then i got upset and called her a name. she wont let me forget it nor does she understand i did not mean it, i was hurt and taking my pain out on the […]
Do you live in circles too? Maybe squares or smth?
I live in little, tiny suicide circles. Soon enough everything comes back to it. And I’ve even found a decent way to do it, with pills that simply make your heart stop, if overdosed. It seems so unbelievably simple. I understand that it wouldn’t be painless  etc, but the fact of death – the possibility of dying to my damaged brain seems like a miracle, something magical.
There’s nothing for me here. I’m really ugly and not the only one who thinks that way, so it’s not my imagination. And, as you know, beauty in this world […]
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