I don’t really know why I’m here. Just to vent I guess.. Well I’m 17. I’ve been depressed for god knows how long. I don’t really get along that great with my dad or mom. They both abuse me. I cut myself sometimes. I recently had to get stitches cause I went to far with the cutting. My boyfriend of 4 months was really the only reason I wanted to be alive, and didn’t kill myself. But tonight I received a text from his sister.. it said “Hey my brother is talking to other girls and my brother says that he loves them to you […]
I purely and thoroughly hate myself. There’s no sugar-coated layer to hide the fact of the matter.
Ever since I was a kid, clinical depression has lingered in every thought I’ve conceived. In public, I have it all: grades, musical/athletic talent, friends to fuck around with on the weekends. Reality? I’m smart, but totally unmotivated. I can answer questions in class and still not account for shit when it comes to my work. Music takes up my whole time, so what’s left for sports? I don’t want to get any unhealthier, but Jesus, my motivation spectra is as broad as the water level in the Saharra Desert. And sure, I have friends… Even that’s subjective, […]
i don’t know who i am anymore. i don’t know where i’m going, i dont think i want to go anywhere. i want everything to end. now. i’ve come to the dead end, the end of no return. i no longer know what it’s like to be happy. happy- what is that word? what does that even mean? i wish i could wake up in the morning and love my life and love everything around me. but i dont. i wake up hating the person i am in the mirror, i hate the sun, and the flowers, and the trees. i hate the day time. […]
I moreless want to write this post to encourage someone else! I’m still battleing suicidual feeling real bad and if that one guy would email me back and tell me he found a gun, id leave work to go put an end to it all… but honestly I’m tired of it all! I really want out! I kno there’s two sides of me speaking. All I kno is if I have another attack like I did the other night I will end up doing it! And really deep inside I just want a peace of mind and true happiness more than anything. So the day […]
Nobody in my town or my age seem to understand the idea that their actions effect other people as well. It has been a year and a half since I attempted suicide, yet nothing has gotten better. My final year in high school was complete hell. I was tormented by a group of girls who used to be my best friends. Day after day they told me how no one likes me or wants me around. They repeatedly shouted names down the hallway at me or spread rumors about me being pregnant. This summer they have peanut-buttered/egged/balognied my car twice. Then, try countless times to […]
So, I’m sitting here waiting (it seems I do an awful lot of waiting these days) for a ride so that I can hopefully get to my so -called “parenting class”. Have you ever been to one of these classes? They’re a total waste of time, and just another way for the state to keep your kids longer. I mean, really, who the hell needs someone to tell them how to take out the trash every day or remind them that babies can’t be brats? Are we really not evolved enough yet to understand that children are generally unable to be mean until the age […]
Right now, I am contemplating life. What’s the point? Purpose eludes me. At this moment, I don’t see much point in going forward. My life is mediocre at best. And even if it gets better.. what is “better,” and what is it really worth? Does better mean more money? At this moment, I couldn’t care less about money. Money can’t buy happiness or love. It could buy me a house, but what would I do in it that I don’t already do (eat, sleep, bathe, find ways to entertain myself..). I could go back to school.. to do what? Get a better job to make […]
I’ve never really set goals for myself…mostly because since I was 14 I have always seen myself commiting suicide at a young age and dying young. I fight every single day not to kill myself because it just seems like my destiny…..
Recently I have been thinking a lot about my situation and what could have helped me not turn out this way. I realize that a lot of my behaviors are because of the abuse of my childhood. I have spent many years thinking that i was defective, crazy, beyond help and basically just irreversibly fucked up. I know that other people feel that way. […]
omg, so the ***** and i r home alone, she tells me to do HER chores. well i did them for her the past 3weeks im tired of it. so i said no then she threatened to beat me with the belt,so i tore it out of her hands and pushed her to the ground. she screamed “ABUSER ABUSER!”and called 911!!! omfg! ***** r u fucking stupid. luckily nothing happened but still she is so stupid. well yeah i hate her. think shes an angel? hang around her. she is a *****. SHE IS SATANS ***** DAUGHTER. she can go to hell. its her home.
why why why why why why why WHY FUCKING WHY!? are you so mean. i asked u for my mascara back..so u chuck out your door and it hits me right in the eye. it hurt seriously like fuck. u look at me and say “aww is poor baby ganna cry? what a loser” then u grab a belt and beat me with it. “hahahaha now u can cry over that” which i was. “yay yay! your in pain. this is my favorite day ever!” my mom: yeah she’s just watching all this and laughing. oh oh oh..and u pushed me into the wall and […]
What’s awaits me once I commit suicide?? Does anyone know for sure? Heaven or Hell or a void??
they say fuck u
i say fuck them
they say go to hell
i say u go first
they say i have no guts to kill myself
i say watch me
they say i need them
i say look where i am with u
they say shut up
i say why dont u
they say we dont need u here
i say i dont need u either
they say they love me
i say thats FUCKING BS!
yes everything above has actually been parts of conversations i have with them, i honestly cant live with them no more. i need away from them…before its […]
Hello.
This is my note. This is the only place my note will ever be, because I’m too much of a coward to actually go through with this.
I’m nothing, I mean nothing to myself. I would really rather disappear into nothing. Scatter myself into a thousand and one atoms, floating peacefully in space. Instead I’m stuck here, in this colourless hell. The only person i can talk to won’t listen, I can’t tell her anyway. I love her too much to let her bear this.
Anyway, my name is Sian. I’m nearly sixteen, I have blonde hair and brown eyes. I’m a dancer, that’s how I define […]
ok, so ima say tonight NEVER happend. i LOVE my bf, too much, even if hehurts me..oh well. well 8 hrs ago i was asked out by the guy who denied asking to have sex me. well what the hell? at first i said no, then i wanted to see how much fun i can have for once so i got ready and walked down to his place, so we went to the movies and he is ULTRA flirty, i guess he still likes me. the whole time im thinking “dont fall, i have a bf, play it cool” well then we hung at his […]
How to start,while my hands are shaking and i finally made myself cry after a long time of trying to be strong and keep it all inside me. It sounds like another lame and pathetic story about how misunderstood someone can be. Honestly i had my moments of searching for attention but this time i just want revenge. I promise this will be my last selfish act towards everyone i know. I really wanted to make everything right again but when my own mother says that i am naive and stupid how am i supposed to feel about myself, how i am i supposed to […]
First post in a while.
I have tagged this with the words “I will survive” somewhat ironically. ‘Cause I won’t.
I am depressed every spare second of the day. I can only fake a smile, and now my friends have started seeing it’s fake. One even stated that my eyes got sadder when I smiled.
But, every single spare second I get, suicidal or self-loathing thoughts come into my mind. I hate myself. I hate this. I hate this reality and I spend so long wanting to leave.
And…sooner or later I will. People can tell me to keep my chin up, to surround myself with loved ones. But […]
Before you decide to take your life, imagine who will find you. Imagine them walking into a room, and seeing you just hanging there. Whether it be your little sister, little brother, mother father, grandparents, a friend. Imagine what will happen when they find you. No, they will not say “Finally, they’re gone.†No, they will not say “I’m happy they did that.†No, they will not say “I never loved them anyways.†They will die. Their hearts will break. They will hurt, more than you […]
i hate my life!! i don’t see the point in this world. maybe this is hell… seem like it is bc most people have to understand that they have to shut their fucking mouths bc it hurts other people way to much. people need to know what it is like to live lives like us. we need to teach them all the hell they are putting us threw. all i want to do is die the only thing that keeps me hear is my mother. my ex best friend just has to be a ***** to me and that makes me depressed even more. if she hates me so much why doesn’t […]
I just woke up a few minutes ago. I was just resting my head on my pillow when that feeling hit. Boom. How do I know I actually exist? Why do I feel like I’ve seriously been here before. It keeps nagging me in the back of my brain. It wake me up abruptly from a night of rest or just before. I hate how it does that. Stop bothering me with these thoughts. That and my memories. I understand they happened. I understand one day I will die. STOP REMINDING ME. That’s all my brain does it just reminds me like I don’t already […]
im going to kill myself tonight. im just finished. i cant cope anymore. too much has gone wrong for too long and my body and mind are so tired. i cant deal with being sad and cutting all the time anymore. i need relief. i need to feel at peace again, and the only way to get that release is death. nobody can convince me otherwise. and i dont want people saying im selfish either, because guess what i dont have anyone that loves me anymore and i certainly wont be missed. i dont want that “youre special and unique” BULLSHIT either. cuuuuuz guess what, no im not! billions […]