Well, I was supposed to die exactly a year and two months ago. Ever since, I feel like I have been in a rut. I don’t know what to do. I’m 14 year old girl. I do have a boyfriend that I love and talk about all the time because I love him so much. I just can’t get out of this rut. I know he is scared for me in more ways than one. First, I can’t help it but I cut myself. Second, I am so depressed and I can’t open up to people that easily so I have a hard time telling […]
Tag:
Hell
I’ve never of have known someone that likes me, has had a crush on me, or who has loved me. All of my freinds have had girl/boy freinds, why can’t I. It’s not like I haven’t tried. I just get rejected every time. There is a girl that I love though and since I’m suicidal, she is in luck. I would die, go to hell, and burn for all eternity if I had to to protect her. If she went to hell and I went to heaven, I would not hesitate to switch places. I have told her that I like her, she hasen’t spoken to […]
Before, there was a time where words could reach to my heart, no wall, no nothing. But now, words can’t get past this cold, diamond-steeled heart that blocks it. Just try to break it. Even yours or my will can’t break it. The Diamond-Steel Heart, a cold and harsh place where everything is dead and no such thing as peace ever existed or EVEN heard of the word “Peace”. This heart is like a world that was worse than war and after 2012 combined itself. Words? HA! No such thing existed. You have to feel it to believe it. A new world that is literally […]
Right now I feel like I should just get rid of myself, not only for my sake, but for everyone else’s. My parents are pressuring me into studying law, and I hate it. I’ve had to move from my home city to study it, and there is so much pressure on me to pass everything that I feel like my mind is going to explode. I’ve tried talking to my parents about how much I don’t want to be in this city and about how much I hate law, but they just keep telling me that I’m “wasting the opportunities in front of me”, and […]
Sometimes it may seem as thou i am alone in this world because it seems as thou no one else s in it with me but after watching the movie cyber bully i realize i am not alone there are other people like me out there so what i do is search the net for sites that give info on people like me and talk and relate with them and try to understand them as they understand me and make it known to my self that i am not alone in this world and even if it seemed as thou there are no people i […]
I hate myself. I am stupid. I am ugly. I am fat . I am died inside. I am alone. I am fat. I am selfish. I am annoying . I am a person who wants help but can tell anyone in fear of them judgeing me. I am finished.
I have to go, yet I don’t feel like going. I feel like if I kill myself, I will go to hell, because of all of the crap I’ve done in my life. With the lesbianism and the lesbian sex, and even just the reguar sex, will all probably land me in hell. The worst pat about all of this is that I’m not even 16 yet and my life is already hard. I thought it would be hard when I grow up and marry, but it’s so hard now that I don’t even want to make it there. I have attempted at cutting,but i […]
I have never been pyciscal abuse by anybody but I have been verabley abuse by many people everyone things I am happy and fine but I am NOT . I am not happy. I am not fine. I don’t want to tell anyone the way I feel because I am afraid they will judge me … I am stupid . I am worthless . And I want to die, not really I think it would be better if I moved/ ran away from my current liveI HATE MYSELF MORE THAN SOMEONE COULD EVER HAD ME
Tonight I die. This is my 3rd attempt, and I think I finally got my suicide figured out. I am not mentally ill or depressed, right now I am actually quite calm. My story is simple, I had a good life but threw it away because I am a compulsive gambler. My friends and family bailed me out countless times and yet I don’t learn from my mistakes and dig myself back into the same hole again and again. I am a sinner and don’t deserve better. I just wish that before I go… I can give back all the money that I owe to […]
There’s this hate in me that I do not understand, I usually hate myself and all the people around me. I am a nice person but people see otherwise. I am 26 and have reached nothing, when I was younger I thought I’d be someone great, important and happy. I moved out of my parents house 5 years ago and since then lived with my boyfriend. I am gay, and my parents doesn’t know (if they did they’ll tell me that I will burn in hell for the whole eternity). Life seems so dark and empty, my boyfriend is no longer attracted to me and […]
All i want is to feel normal and happy like i used to. I keep telling myself that in a couple of years I’ll just be a name, or a memorial a student passes on the way to their next class. I’ll cease to be an everyday thought and become a memory that manages to crawl its way back into the mind of a loved one every now and then. I’ll be what you strive to avoid. But what I will be can’t be any worse than what I am. I’m just another hopeless girl that can’t seem to get through life in one piece. […]
I’ve messed up yet again. I dont understand why I always do everything wrong. I’m not thát stupid, I know that. I guess I am semi-smart. So why do I always fail everything? I actually wish I was just an ordinary retard, I could just follow a meaningless education (or none, whatever) and there wouldnt be any expetations. I dropped yet another class and my mom just thinks I hardly have school. I just cant do everything. Or anything. I can barely wrap my brain around 1 assignment and because I’m so afraid I will fail again I just cant seem to make any progress. […]
I chose this to be my username for a reason. I’m out of options. Everyone says I’m not allowed to kill myself or self injure or smoke or drink or do drugs but at the same time they say I don’t need therapy. They say I’m not allowed to die but I can’t stand living another day. I’m living my life for other people, cuz I sure as hell don’t want to be here. If I’m living just so someone can see my face one more time, why bother? I’m dead on the inside. I might as well make the outside match. I’m tiered […]
Well, I’ve been gone for a while now haven’t I? I’ve been through hell and back and I haven’t found what I’ve been trying to look for. . .
As the people who read my other posts may know, I was with a guy who I loved with all my heart and I gave up almost everything for him. He ended up cheating on me and using me for sex. . . And I still love him alot. But no where near enough to go through that again. The day after he was caught cheating and shit, I posted it to The Suicide Project. I never really […]
I am very tired of life and I am tired of MY life. My only wish is to die painlessly in my sleep. I have endured numerous setbacks in my life, and I cannot handle any more failures. I did not think a person could feel so much pain and still go on living. I feel another “disaster” coming on and I don’t want to be alive to deal with the aftermath. The people in my world do not deserve to have the confort & support that I provide for them. I consider my family & my “friends” to be burdensome.Â
I do believe in God, […]
Dear Gloria,
It’s your favorite niece writing. I’ve been thinking, and this summer I would really like to come visit you. I’m so sick of this fucking family with their fucking up tight opinions and suburb attitudes. Every single one of them just pisses me off. I’m serious, just looking at one of them makes me want to take a bullet to the head. Today your little sister and I got in a fight….again. I figured as much would happen, it always does when schoolwork becomes a requirement. Apparently “we don’t communicate like we used to” well how the fuck am I supposed to “communicate” when […]
My life has always been about others. I changed, I acted, I stayed silent so that life would be easier for everyone else. I don’t think I’ve ever pursued anything for myself and that’s alright. I never expected anything in return for what I sacrificed, what I left unsaid. I’m ok with being the punching bag, because if it wasn’t me it would be someone else, and no one deserves this. After a while, you start to savor the pain. It’s an acquired taste.
Being alive slowly killed me. Now I am just a shell. An empty body. I can’t quite reach the other side because […]
one of my worste pains was never having a permentent home, never having somewhere i could call home,being misunderstood and labled for it just makes you even more angry, angry enough to scream, then people looked at me like i was even more crazy,but they had no idea what was going on behind four walls, i had times i told and noone did anything, never really had a chance in life,always controlled by the fucked up justice system that stood there and let me get abused and neglected,i guess i didnt know how worthless i was till i was 7 years old and i was […]
When I was still in Korea  for the exchange student program, that was the time that I was so down and determined to kill myself. However, I realized that i can’t die in a foreign country.  So I just let it pass and hoping that things will get better for myself and that I want to see my friends and family too when I get back. I actually sort of planned everything when I was still there; I’ll get a job or find something that won’t me make rely on anyone financially. I was really positive about this plan because I thought since I felt […]
I work for the federal government, and I am able to do my job just fine. I function at work. I am completely dysfunctional in the rest of my life, but I can do my job.
So this week I had to fill out a “credentialing renewal form” or something like that. One of the questions was if I had been hospitalized in the past 5 years and why. Why the hell does it matter that I was hospitalized for being suicidal? And how is that going to make me a threat to national security? As long […]