My birthday is at the end of the week. I dont even want to make it. I am trying like hell to make it to my vacation in 2 months,and end it then,but this week is hard. My BF keeps leaving and spending all of his free time away from me.He refers to spending time with me as “sacrificing.” He now threatens to move away b/c he doesnt want to listen to me explaining how bad I feel,refering to the end anymore. I wonder if my vacation is worth it. Wouldnt it be easier to just end it and not have to face another birthday […]
Tag:
Hell
so tired. My apartment has rats in the ceiling.
I had 2 weeks of peace as I’d moved into my new apartment. Before then, I was at my mothers for 2 month, at my dads friends house int he burbs for 1 month and a half and then ina shitty, insect fiiled apartment before that(for about 8 months).
Before that I had the dream apartment in the dream neighborhood but I had to move because I was paying too much rent. The cost of perfection was half my monthly pay. Since Jan 1 2011 I’ve been cold(uncomfortable), but like I said, I had two wonderful weeks […]
ive thaught alot.. like i always do .. honestly.. all the times .. they hurt me.. all those men that took me for advantage.. its not me.. its not my fault.. i may have walked the bridge but i didnt jump.. they pushed me.. they should fall not me.. FUCK THEM .. LYING FUCKING IGNORANT STUPID PERVERTED.. NO GOOD IDIOTS…THEY SHOULD ALL GO TO FUCKING HELL FOR MAKING ME FEEL THIS.. because … i did nothing rong i was just looking for somone to tell me i was beutiful and amazing.. i cant die over them.. i still hav so many years to live .. […]
one day for sure. i will. i will die at my own hands. Why shouldn’t we be able to pick when we want to die? I think we should. Its our owN life not someone elses. We wouldn’t be harming anyone. Only temporarily. I want to die so bad sometimes. I hate when people(teachers mostly for me) mention suicide and laugh about it and stuff. I Hate that. They shouldn’t be saying things that can hurt someone emotionally. I get affected by people who say certain things. Maybe its just because I have the desire to die and I’d actually consider myself suicidal. But I […]
im tired of all this shit 🙁 i want it all just to go away…………..i dont really care how…..but it would kinda be nice if it was now…………i look back at the notes i wrote on my phone and i think to myself……………why dont you just put your missery out now……is it really worth going threw all this pain and suffer…..will things actually really get better at the end of this mest up world be calll life…….i do believe there’s a heaven and i do believe there is a hell but i feel like the one below is kinda pulling me down while God is […]
I am a 14 year old boy. I am in a town that is full of judgmental rednecks… my life feels like hell… i wake up, go to school, and pray i don’t have to go home. I have been dead on the inside for a year and a half.. before that i was half dead. i know  you dont care about me, but, why not talk bout my life
i play guitar. i usually play Dethklok, Bring me the horizon, ect.
I lost a girl a year and a half ago… yes, there is a connection.
i cut myself to see blood…. and i regret am proud of it.
i’m a virgin by choice. […]
I was picked up out of my home and thrown into a mental hospital on 12/30/2011 for a week so it really thwarted my plans of ctb before the new year. I left the hospital with a false sense of optimism, and now I’m sitting in my apartment on suicide websites again…..feeling like my soul is dead and I’m just going through the motions because that’s what I was told to do. Truth be told, I have no idea what the next day or weeks ahead of me hold….I know today was a shitty day, not sure when the glimmer of sunshine will show through […]
I grew up an average child, but gradually becoming more and more overweight as I grew. I talk to people about this, very few people I might add, but they keep giving me the same bullshit answer. “It gets better.” Well, I don’t think it’s getting better after 3 fucking years! I started cutting 3 years ago, during summer. I was on vacation and a fight went on between me and my mom, and I left, took out my knife and cut my throat. Ever so slightly. I didn’t want it to end this way. I wasn’t going to go down after the first cut. […]
Im so freaking tired of having to fake my way through life I go to work and have to pretend im fine cuz if anybody there knew the truth ( i hate myself and want to die) they would never trust me again and wouldn’t let em do my job the only thing I have in my life that actually keeps me grounded I fucking hate my life why can’t i be a better person I mean what the hell is wrong with me that when I got frustrated at work today my first thought was to strangle myself and my second was to chop […]
I hate humans/humanity, society, and this real world, it’s all meaningless. I’m a misanthrope.
by niki
written by niki
It is sad that now I don’t feel like I’m a “human” anymore, or want to be associated with a being called “human”. I mostly hate humanity nowadays, and have become a Misanthrope, and disillusioned as well with this so-called “real world”. it sucks, and Humanity, though I used to believe it has so much hidden potentials, yet now I unfortunately can’t help but feeling Humanity is largely hopeless: we’re destroying our own Planet, animals, and even killing our fellow species over some stupid, close-minded, most ignorant & selfish, senseless reasons..
Can anybody here relate?…what to do then?…
Here’s a complete and detailed ‘rant’ of mine, if […]
Most of the times I feel like I say the wrong things at the wrong time and cause more problems in my life! I feel like I can’t do anything right! I have to pretend I am happy most of the times! I don’t wanna pretend anymore! I have almost commited suicide 4 times already :/ every time I try either a friend runs in and stops me or a thought of a loved one! I don’t wanna go through hell anymore 🙁 so many terrible things have happened in my life! I can’t take it anymore! I don’t know how much longer I can […]
The past 2 years have been hell for me, I cut myself, purged, and binged. The more I did it, the more I realized what I did to myself only made my problems worse. I hit rock bottom when I tried to kill myself… but a song saved me. I realized how stupid I was being and went back to writing music– something I’ve done as long as I can remember. As of today, I have dozens of songs written down and I have 12 about those 2 years that I’m actually going to record and put on an album someday. It really does get […]
7pm on Jan 2, 2012.
I’m alone, in my room – lights off. Just me, and the music I’m listening to. This is the first time I’ve felt.. alone in a long time. I thought I had gotten use to the feeling. But no, apparently not. My Grandpa is in his room – right across the hall.. yet it feels like miles between us. I’m scared. Of my mind; the thoughts swirling around in the chaos.
To be honest, my life isn’t horrid.
I’ve thought about killing myself multiple times. I cut – but nothing serious. I don’t know if I want to die.. or just […]
I cant keep going threw this life pretending lke its not killing me just to be here, i cry everytime i get some alone time because it hurts me so bad to know that im hurting, this place is like hell you.know they say misery loves company andim the first on its guest list,evrything i so i feel like i failed at i cant do anything right.i juust want to be dead
Death is upon me. Goodbye Cruel World.
I cant take this anymore. I’m so sick of everything. I cant handle Anything and it seems like everyone around me cant stand anything I do. I cant be that bad. I cant be the one that ruins everything. But I am.
I’m a horrible person and I don’t deserve the life I have. I hate myself. Why cant people decide if they are going to live? Why does it have to be so hard to flip the switch?
Some people don’t get that. They say I over react, particularly him. The one person I cant let go of. Hes always there, always telling me […]
The consequences of today are determined by our thoughts & actions of the past. To change your future, alter your thoughts & actions today. There is never a better time then the present.
1.“Action is the foundational key to all success.†– Pablo Picasso
2.“Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.†– Jim Rohn
ie by changing nothing, nothing changes. You can’t expect to be doing the same thing, thinking the same thing and then expecting a differet outcome. ie a positive 2012. We are but the product of our habits & thoughts ~ if they are poor then so […]
Help! I feel trapped in this human body & physical world existence/limitation, is there a way to escape out from it?
by niki
written by niki
I often feel like I can’t relate to this material, physical earthly world anymore, and the majority of people here on this planet earth.
I often feel like there must be something MORE than this limited existence of our human body,
or I’m afraid if it’s all my human’s “creative” wishful-thinking and made-up escapism feeling/story..
does my human brain playing all these tricks on me, or it is really REAL: that there are indeed something much MORE that I can access/connect/tap into?..but I just need to find HOW to do it?..
Tell me please: is there really something MORE that I can do and ‘ascend/transcend’ in […]
It’s something I use to think of a lot.
Sometimes I still do.
I met this boy, in one of my classes, and we were just talking. Somehow suicide etched its words into our conversation. He told me, “If you tell someone, you want to be stopped.” For me..that was true. I told my Dad. I cried in the car and told him everything.
When I was a kid, there are some things I can’t remember. I was crazy..wild. My Mom let me do whatever I wanted. I had a little sister. She suffered from a severe case of asthma. My mom did drugs..all kinds […]