From everything I’ve known; my job, family, and the only life I’ve ever known. I feel so stuck, no purpose or motivation to do anything anymore, and I’m seriously contemplating leaving the States for Canada even though there’s nothing for me there (job, home, or friends). I’d be a stranger in a strange land, but even that sounds more appealing then what I’m facing right now. I just want to getaway even if I’m running away from my problems; does anyone else ever feel this way?
Tag:
home
I’m only fourteen, closing up on fifteen in April. I’ve got my whole damn life ahead of me and countless near-death experiences and suicide attempts have gotten me nothing BUT treatment. This is the first time I’m relapsing – not because it’s new, but because recently (earlier this year) is the first time I’d gotten treatment. You see, my depression and anxiety had been with me since birth. I never had a broken home or anything, the closest thing I had was a few bullies at school that made fun of me for talking to myself and having strange behavior. I was an extremely delusional […]
I feel like I’m different .
I don’t have an opinion on anything . Nor do I have a passion. I’m not good at anything . Not having a opinion for anything is boring .I’m so fucking bored.
And I’m tired . I had a short class today before the holidays and i got home at 10 and slept until now (7pm) I’m debating whether or not to sleep again. I can feel my eyes drooping.
I just hate that I feel like I don’t feel for anything and I feel nothing . & these thoughts make me feel like a looser .
I can’t even explain […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
If I could, I’d fasten my arms around your waist,
And sigh my sorrows into the nape of your neck
Until my sadness becomes a part of your skin.
And if I could,
I’d scream, breathe, whisper your name,
Until my voice becomes a part of who you are.
If I could,
I’d hold your hand until you don’t feel right
Unless my fingers are occupying the spaces between yours.
If I could,
I’d make a home out of your sheets
Until your mattress holds my shape, and you can’t expel me from its folds.
Don’t forget me.
So I moved back home today. And I’m laying here, crying, because I really don’t want to be here. All I do is hide here. I don’t talk here and I can’t be myself here. And tonight, I went to my old high schools band holiday party and the one person I can talk to was suppose to be there. And I was suppose to see them and they were suppose to tell me it is going to be ok. But he’s not in the state. And no one told me. And I’ve been looking forward to seeing him all week. And I can’t do […]
I’m 30 years old. Nearly everyone has cheated on me. I think that my boyfriend will if he hasn’t already. There is always something for him that I have to fix about myself. I feel like I can never be good enough. My family is fed up with me complaining about him, because it’s my choice to be with him. I don’t want to break up with him because I remember what it was like to have him fawning over me, and I think that somewhere he cares. I’m so confused, I don’t know who the true person is for him. He’s criticized my weight […]
I can’t stand it when my mom comes home. She is usually home 2-3 days a week. She always has something bad to say to me. Today I mentioned to my parents about a stomach pain that’s been happening for almost a week now. And she told me I’m faking it. Its nothing. Just take some zantac etc. I’ve had stomach problems for the last two months on and off and still haven’t been to the doctors. My dad finally spoke up and said maybe I should go to the doctor. Anyways my mom…honestly sucks. She never has anything nice to say about me. It’s […]
He talks to me like im stupid and a bad mother. Im terrified of him as well…. im so far from home ive got no way to get back there away from him… im trapped here forever I guess…
I had a very stressed week this week. With everything going on its made me feel more depressed than ever. I was hoping today would be different. My friend and I kind of planned on meeting up after work a few hours ago, but after I got a message saying he couldn’t stay. He had left for his other friends. My heart literally shattered when I read the message (and what made it worse is my feelings I have for him..). I could not believe it. I thought hanging out with him would raise my spirits, make me feel so much better. But no. He […]
I wish I could be happy.
I wish I wasn’t a failure.
I wish my mom would stop telling me that I don’t make her proud.
I wish my dad didn’t walk out of my life before it even started.
I wish I was skinnier.
I wish I could stop cutting.
I wish I could die.
I wish I didn’t want to die.
I wish my existence wasn’t ignored by most people, even family.
I have a house, I just wish I had a home.
I wish things were different
But nothing will ever change
So I wish that when I kill myself, no one wishes that I didn’t.
Because if no one cared before death, then why […]
Halloween sucked. Considering none of my friends wanted to hang out with me and I was left at home with no one to talk to. Now this Christmas I will be suffering under the same situation but with more sleepless nights and unforgiving depression than ever before. My family is going to Disney, the most happiest place on earth or so when it’s with those you love and care about you (my definition of it). Another vacation ruined by our “family friends” and my family’s lack of consideration for how I feel. Another anxiety driven plane ride after the other. “You’ll understand it when we […]
I saw one of my exs a little bit ago. At the bar we ust to work together at. He’s the one who punched me in the face one night. It doesn’t matter why he did. All these emotions came rushing back. Fuck. I’m overwhelmed. Depression settles again, it was a good past few hours. And it came to an end quickly once again. I want to go home.
Things
I have done terrible things
Things to make you shiver in the dark
Things that make even my own skin crawl
I want them back, to take them away
I hurt others, so badly I cry
It wasn’t me! I scream
It was them! I can’t help it!
Please, you have to believe me
The things that lie in wait
To rip me apart
To make me rend and tear
As they watch
It’s the demons that lurk beneath the skin
The ones only freed by razors
Death is to begin again
Right?
They beg me to stay
I beg them to let me leave
I don’t want to hurt you anymore
I don’t want to make you bleed
No you must stay
You must endure
You […]
home is in his arms.
i want to go home.
No I’m not your son and I’m not a total car guru and whatever works for your bipolar episodes doesnt always work for me and you pick on me all the fucking time and I already know, ok, I ALREADY FUCKING KNOW I’M THE WORLD’S GREATEST PIECE OF SHIT FOR A DAUGHTER SO PLEASE, PLEASE JUST KEEP RUBBING IT IN. I know I forget and I am not always home and I’m SO SO SO SORRY!! I don’t know how to be the child you want, ok?I DONT KNOW WHAT YOU WANT I DONT KNOW I DONT KNOW. And I just try to get away […]
You make me feel so shit. You try to help me but you hurt me. You guys make me feel so depressed. You’ve killed my social life, my only respite from home, my only coping mechanism that seems to work without being overly self-destructive. How can I cope now?
No dad I cannot fucking talk to you, can’t you see?
Every time we talk I stutter. Can’t you see? I’ve never been comfortable around you guys, that’s why I’m always trying to escape. That’s why I do the things I do. It’s all to escape from you guys (mainly) and school.
You guys make me wanna kill […]
I live in a shitty town in an even shittier country. Every person my age (Im 22) either has a baby or 2 or 3…, heavy drug users (some street made drug called Whoonga), school dropout, etc etc.
I powered through my depression and finished high school the best student in my school and enrolled in medical school. Next year will be my final year. It has been tough. I have worked hard, powered through so many suicidal thoughts and had so many family problems.
People standing on the outside looking in think it has all been easy.
An entire family of supposed Christians started […]
I can’t take it any longer.
Are you home alone today? I am.
Do you hurt? I do.
Is it over? Yes