Tag:

hopes

My self-esteem is a *****

by justanothergirl09 5/9/2015

written by justanothergirl09

I don’t know. I have a lot of problems with myself. When it comes to self-esteem I suck. Oh you see a pretty outfit? Oh wait you’re too fat for it. Oh that guy’s cute? Oh, he picked the prettiest girl.

When I was younger I didn’t care what people said about me because I was happy being myself. About a yer ago all that changed. I saw how people dressed and I thought that I should start dressing like that. You know, just to look pretty and fit in. I started changing my style. Getting ‘better clothes’, ‘better shoes’. I wanted to be accepted. Then […]

5/9/2015 7 comments

What am I living for?

by thehusk 4/21/2015

written by thehusk

I don’t think I will ever be happy. A meaningful life is not within my grasp. There is no version of me from this point that can get there. No version that can be content with how things are, or feel at peace.

I still have hope, but it’s irrational hope. It’s constantly smacking it’s head against the logical reality of who I am, and how I’ve lived, and it’s painful. It would be better for me to let it go. But if I do that, what else is left?

So what am I doing here? I’m suffering. Either I’m stressed out from work, or exhausted, or […]

4/21/2015 6 comments

As you hide behind your smile of my stolen hopes and lost dreams…

by hellblau 4/14/2015

written by hellblau

No one ever said that life was fair, and I’m not saying that it should be.
So knowing that you are where you want to be, and I’m not, comes as no surprise
But don’t expect me to be happy for you and don’t smile at me and tell me things will work out for me too. I don’t want your pity. I hate your pity.

…I watched you steal my thoughts and had to see you smile…
…You took them all…

4/14/2015 0 comment

Lost

by morgo 3/29/2015

written by morgo

Im so young and so unhappy. Lost in a world of pain. I wake up everyday with hopes that it would all just disappear. I want to be better, to feel better to be happy but I can’t. I’m struggling, ive reached in every possible direction for support and help and some sort of guidance but in the end im left with myself and the fury of thoughts that run through my mind and veins controlling me. I love my family and I love my friends but theirs only so much I can take before I break and damn it I think im breaking..

3/29/2015 2 comments

It’s just that I’ve been losing so long

by Disposable Human 3/29/2015

written by Disposable Human

I have officially given up on all my hopes and dreams.

3/29/2015 0 comment

She

by Sammi6xoxo 3/15/2015

written by Sammi6xoxo

SHE. That’s how I refer to her when I talk to you. Because it hurts to see you happy with someone else. I see pictures of the two of you and it Kills me. I want nothing more than to be yours again.. and then I remember how you treated me. Every time you made me feel worthless and unwanted. Every time you spat my name as though it were some foul substance that your body was rejecting. I was never a part of ‘us’ because you were with me out of pity. So Why do I still speak to you? I think part of […]

3/15/2015 0 comment

Preparing Your Family and Friends

by gwesley541 2/12/2015

written by gwesley541

If you are at the point when suicide is inevitable – it is not a matter of IF but WHEN – does it make sense to start distancing yourself from family and friends? Not sure if it would help but I have to believe it is easier to miss someone you remember as a jerk. I have intentionally not responded to calls and texts from my kids and a very good friend in hopes that maybe it will make them not care so much about me dying. I know it’s stupid but I’m going to do it any way.

2/12/2015 4 comments

A dead future

by Lsari 2/6/2015

written by Lsari

It is a strange thing to look back upon one’s past and find that all the hopeless despair that one had envisioned for one’s self, to be found true. Worse still, to be it greater.

My first memories were from when I was 7 years old. Ever since then I have regularly wanted to die. Without break or pause, that sentiment has held as true as the flesh on my body (as scared as it may be). I had long since, premonitioned my demise and I can’t help but feel abhorrent at its truth.

I can’t even begin to describe the shear loneliness and despair that has consumed me. It […]

2/6/2015 5 comments

Falling Walls

by AarinaDaae 1/23/2015

written by AarinaDaae

I built a wall, 10 stories high. I built a wall, to guard it all. My feelings, my dreams…my heart. It was guarded nice and snug. Then, you came along and it tumbled after one great bomb. Who were you to come along? Who were you to break these walls? You came charging in and won my heart. You took it in your hands, molded it, then set it ablaze in a fiery pit.

Now, I’m but an empty shell of what used to be. I need no walls or defense. You’ve taken the last piece that was dear to me. I have no hopes or […]

1/23/2015 1 comment

Away

by HereticBlood 1/8/2015

written by HereticBlood

He’s away right now… So I quickly write my new theory and hopes.. Maybe.. Maybe he’ll get so angry he’ll kill me with his bare hands.. I never thought I’d die by the hands of someone else but myself after the first time but now I’m okay with it all as long as I’m at peace and in a never ending sleep.. Much love

1/8/2015 0 comment

Finally figured it out…

by HereticBlood 1/7/2015

written by HereticBlood

I’m an intrusion and a burden to everyone I have ever knew or anyone I come into contact with… Idk why I get my hopes so high for people to just shit on it all…. It’s not worth it…. Fuck it

1/7/2015 9 comments

meaningless life of a mediocre mom

by dottie 12/25/2014

written by dottie

I am only living because I have kids and I don’t want to hurt them. Everyone I have ever trusted has lied to me, abused me or left me. I used to be niave and full of hopes, forgiveness and stamina. The older my kids get, the closer I get to suicide. When they are on their own and they leave me, I will definitely choose an exit plan. Lately, I think I may not be able to wait. I am not talented or skilled in any area even though I have tried many things. I’m best at loving others but no one values me […]

12/25/2014 6 comments

abnormality

by schema 12/19/2014

written by schema

today was a very odd day for me, one of those “subdued excitements” that I don’t recognize and stop before it comes to bite me in the ass. Excitement just leads to catastrophic levels of disappointment for me. I get my hopes up because my mind comes up with these amazing–and yet, impossible–scenarios about what will happen. And they never happen, even the worst of the best! It’s always just flat-out bad shit that happens. Today was primed to go spectacularly in my mind, even though if it had occurred the way it was planned it still probably would have been shitty. But no! It […]

12/19/2014 1 comment

Hopes shattered, pieces missing.

by nias 12/19/2014

written by nias

Is this all my life will be: broken dreams, loneliness, pain and fear. I once had such high hopes, now I’m an embarrassment, I’m worthless trash.
All I want is to hold you, to love you, to protect you, it’s all Angela, my angel. You screwed me, you used me, now I’ve fallen apart, if only I’d known you’d do that, but I was caught up in love. Feel broken, death now awaits, do you even care, your life was all that mattered. You treated me like you were ashamed of me, you were ashamed, that’s clear, such damaged you caused me, such a worthless […]

12/19/2014 6 comments

It is inevitable.

by DancerToADiscordantSystem 12/13/2014

written by DancerToADiscordantSystem

I don’t even know anymore.I got completely hammered in hopes of…i don’t know,maybe getting my mind off of things.Not surprisingly,it feels even worse than when i’m sober.All the time it’s the same,just with varying degrees of shittiness. When you’re drunk,suffering and depression feels even more tangible than it’s usual abstract,existential nature.It’s inescapable.Thank you for existing SP.

12/13/2014 3 comments

I just want to disappear

by bowdown 12/10/2014

written by bowdown

I just can’t do this anymore though, I lay in my bed awake just thinking and not thinking at the same time. On the weekends I don’t leave my bed. I have this powerful urge to get up and start walking. I want to walk and never look back. I want to walk so far away and just stop existing. I’m a freakin burden to my parents, siblings, friends, everyone. I feel it, I see it in their eyes. Why is this happening to me? My ex and I just recently broke up, we were dating for a year. I just found out that a […]

12/10/2014 1 comment

Worthless

by heather416 12/7/2014

written by heather416

I’m just so tired of this all. I thought that this summer would be able to help me recover, but the thing is that I don’t ever really feel anything except for this sharp feeling in my chest. But lately, I keep on feeling really dirty whenever I lie to my friends about not being depressed, or cut, or do anything that I usually do. I get an urge to just wash myself clean of all this. The thing is, I developed a crush on a close friend of mine. But the thing is, I don’t think that this is a good kind of […]

12/7/2014 3 comments

Enough is Enough

by Jumper97 12/3/2014

written by Jumper97

I’ve tried to not give up and started living again, but I come back to my dark side. Fuck this, fuck all of this, it’s not gonna get better, no signs of improvement are showing. I’m destined to be alone and a failure, everybody ignores or leaves me and I’m gonna be a fuck up, I have no hopes, no dreams,they all died along time ago, why am I even pushing further, when I don’t have the will or effort to even do it. Enough is enough, I’m gonna kill myself.

12/3/2014 5 comments

Why do you care?

by TheOneToIgnore 11/3/2014

written by TheOneToIgnore

I have often wondered why total strangers care whether or not I suicide. I have come to the conclusion that it is like pointing out that the emperor has no clothes. Every person that suicides is reminding the other 70%-90% that they should too. That it is only false hopes and fake beliefs that keep them here.

I wish I could go back (40 years!) and talk to my 16 year old self. I would tell him to end it now. I would tell him that it takes me 35 years to give up hope and by then you have “responsibilities”. So now you are stuck: […]

11/3/2014 4 comments

by notmyrealname123 10/13/2014

written by notmyrealname123

I really don’t know why I’m doing this. When I first told someone about my ..situation, she said that maybe even though everything felt unbearable at the moment, it could get better later.

It’s not like that for me. Everything is always unbearable. The way I feel, and sometimes don’t feel, scares me. I’m tired of not being able to go through my life without thinking I really should kill myself.

I’m tired of the part of me always making excuses, always thinking “what about your parents? How will they feel?” and I’m very tired of feeling like I’m faking all the time. I’m tired of my […]

10/13/2014 0 comment

Newer Posts

Older Posts